Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I'm quitting teaching, I've decided, AIBU?

385 replies

thequickbrowndog · 25/08/2024 07:23

That's it, I'm done, I'm leaving! I've spent the whole summer dreading going back. I adore the kids (secondary boys school) but I can't be bullied anymore. I can't stand my work colleagues, I've had to make a formal complaint about bullying. My boss clearly favours other staff over me. Everything always just seems unfair but I just have to get on with it. I work part time but am stressed about it full time because of all the passive aggressive emails while I'm off.
I don't have a job to go to yet, but I'm just done. I can't go back. AIBU?

OP posts:
NotTram · 25/08/2024 13:56

Absolutely don't go back.
Do you want to try another school?
Or another job.
Life is too short

KTheGrey · 25/08/2024 14:00

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines. at the request of it's author.

Ask the Union about raising a grievance. Schools often prefer to pay staff in lieu rather than review their own toxicity.

estornudar · 25/08/2024 15:04

thequickbrowndog · 25/08/2024 09:36

No I haven't, but will give it some thought. What are the positive differences you have found?

No exam pressure, significantly reduced marking, smaller class sizes, more of a focus on the child, better CPD opportunities, compassionate SLT. I'm a completely different teacher to who I was two years ago but it has been well worth it!

AnnaDor · 25/08/2024 16:13

Not read the other replies, but I felt the same in 2018. My mental health plummeted and I didn't go back for September INSET. Called in sick that day (I felt too awful to go in) and never communicated with them again. Union negotiated my immediate release. Ended up with a settlement (similar to you, I'd raised a previous grievance, and they hadn't followed appropriate duty of care with respect to my existing health conditions and Equality Act things - and they wanted to be sure I wouldn't raise a case of constructive dismissal or similar against them). The settlement gave me full pay until Christmas without me needing to step foot in the school again and the union got the wording of the settlement changed to allow me to work immediately if I got a job. If you go down this route you can request the settlement to be paid as a tax free lump sum; or you can request it to be paid as usual salary so you still get it monthly and taxed but also get the pension contributions - if you don't request either of these, they will give you it taxed in a lump sum.
There's a very supportive Facebook group that appeared during Covid if you want ideas of what to do instead of teaching. I spent some time exploring other settings (e.g. primary instead of secondary) before leaving completely.
Good luck!

miniaturepixieonacid · 25/08/2024 17:05

I’ve been bullied at work in more than one school. I know why. I’m clever, competent, capable, very well qualified and popular with my colleagues and pupils. I’m passionate and enthusiastic about my work. These attributes consistently threaten ineffective people I work with and who I have worked with in the past in management positions. I might also add that I am slim and conventionally attractive which has caused issues with female managers who are not those things. I can’t help how I look and I can’t help how other people feel about me being more competent than them. I don’t need fucking counselling to get to the bottom of what the issues are - there’s nothing wrong with me. It’s the same for the OP. She’s an experienced and capable teacher being bullied by someone who isn’t. It’s not rocket science is it

😮😮
I know you're speaking out against victim blaming here but really? Read it back and see how that sounds to you. To me it comes across like you think you are significantly better than others - more intelligent, better at your job, more popular, prettier, thinner and more passionate. If that attitude shows in how you relate to other people, then I think it is actually understandable if their reaction is negative! And I don't think that would be victim blaming, I think it would 6 of one and half a dozen of the other but possibly initiated by you. I haven't seen into your personal situation of course (at least, I don't think I have - I'm a not particularly attractive, not particularly intelligent, not particularly popular HoD with some very young, pretty, clever, popular colleagues so maybe I have actually tried to manage you, who knows!) so accept that you may not come across like that in person. But, if I'd written something like that, I'd want to check it wasn't showing in how I actually behave.

Respectisnotoptional · 25/08/2024 17:14

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Aliciainwunderland · 25/08/2024 18:43

at least the last post was deleted before op could see it. It’s honestly awful when people say ‘my taxes pay your wages’ and therefore you are deemed not allowed to go off sick. That’s the way I was made to feel and I got to the point after I had handed my notice in that if I crashed my car into a tree at least I wouldn’t have to go to work.

KTheGrey · 25/08/2024 18:59

Aliciainwunderland · 25/08/2024 18:43

at least the last post was deleted before op could see it. It’s honestly awful when people say ‘my taxes pay your wages’ and therefore you are deemed not allowed to go off sick. That’s the way I was made to feel and I got to the point after I had handed my notice in that if I crashed my car into a tree at least I wouldn’t have to go to work.

I am sorry your school let you get to that point. You’d think people would feel more aggrieved about their taxes paying the wages of bullies and other assorted arses who make teaching an impossible job.

EnidSpyton · 25/08/2024 22:27

miniaturepixieonacid · 25/08/2024 17:05

I’ve been bullied at work in more than one school. I know why. I’m clever, competent, capable, very well qualified and popular with my colleagues and pupils. I’m passionate and enthusiastic about my work. These attributes consistently threaten ineffective people I work with and who I have worked with in the past in management positions. I might also add that I am slim and conventionally attractive which has caused issues with female managers who are not those things. I can’t help how I look and I can’t help how other people feel about me being more competent than them. I don’t need fucking counselling to get to the bottom of what the issues are - there’s nothing wrong with me. It’s the same for the OP. She’s an experienced and capable teacher being bullied by someone who isn’t. It’s not rocket science is it

😮😮
I know you're speaking out against victim blaming here but really? Read it back and see how that sounds to you. To me it comes across like you think you are significantly better than others - more intelligent, better at your job, more popular, prettier, thinner and more passionate. If that attitude shows in how you relate to other people, then I think it is actually understandable if their reaction is negative! And I don't think that would be victim blaming, I think it would 6 of one and half a dozen of the other but possibly initiated by you. I haven't seen into your personal situation of course (at least, I don't think I have - I'm a not particularly attractive, not particularly intelligent, not particularly popular HoD with some very young, pretty, clever, popular colleagues so maybe I have actually tried to manage you, who knows!) so accept that you may not come across like that in person. But, if I'd written something like that, I'd want to check it wasn't showing in how I actually behave.

Respectfully, you have no idea what you're talking about with regard to my personal situations and what has transpired in my workplaces, so suggesting I am to blame for what happened to me because of the arrogance you perceive me to possess is totally uncalled for. It's also highly patronising to suggest I need to read my post back and reflect on it. I think you might want to check that desire to patronise, as it's not a great trait in a Head of Department, FYI.

Of course I don't walk around work thinking I'm the dog's bollocks and lording it over everyone. I didn't say anywhere in my post that I think I'm better than everyone else - you've decided to read that into what I wrote. I'm a collaborative, helpful and supportive colleague who has plenty of friends in my current school and loads of friends I'm still in touch with from previous schools. I really value my colleagues and love learning from them, and I know they value me, because they tell me so. We have a fantastic relationship and I'm really lucky to work with such fabulous people.

I have been bullied by Headteachers who have been threatened by me because they have assumed I am after their jobs due to my capabilities. I have no interest in being a Headteacher. But I am outspoken in defending the interests of my team and my students, and I ask difficult questions. I have been unfortunate to work in schools where the Headteachers have not been very experienced, competent or well qualified, and rather than seek to learn from their staff with more of those qualities than them, they sought to stamp them down. I was not the only victim of their ire. Up until my current job, I was always a Head of a core faculty, which put me in the firing line - because I refused to make my team carry out the directives from above that I knew were not based on sound pedagogy or student wellbeing, but merely to tick boxes, which would have put huge pressure on my team - already at breaking point - and added further stress to our students, who really didn't need more assessments and more feedback and more hoops to jump through to measure their achievement. When I challenged the rationale for decisions management couldn't justify, because the only reason they were doing these things was to be seen to be doing something, they made me persona non grata. I have always stood up for my team and my students. It's literally a Head of Department's job to do that. I'm not going to sit in a meeting and accept someone asking me to make my team do things I know are actively harmful to them and the young people we teach when there is literally no justifiable, intelligent, reasoned decision for doing so other than ticking imaginary 'but Ofsted might want to see...' boxes. You are fortunate if you haven't worked in a school with incompetent idiots as managers, but many of us in this profession sadly do, especially if you've the misfortune to end up in an academy chain.

The reality is, I am intelligent (Oxbridge degree, two MAs and half way to a PhD, if you need proof), I am very good at my job (my relationships with my students and the progress they make are evidence of this), and I am really passionate about what I do. I shouldn't have to put myself down in order to please and placate other people. A man wouldn't have any qualms in stating his professional competence, so I don't see why I should have to. I am clever, I am well qualified, and I am good at my job. I'm not going to pretend otherwise. It's ok to be proud of what you have achieved in life, you know.

I suggest you work on your own confidence rather than trying to drag other people down. Your post says a lot more about you and how you feel about yourself than it does about me.

Gladtobeout · 25/08/2024 23:51

EnidSpyton · 25/08/2024 22:27

Respectfully, you have no idea what you're talking about with regard to my personal situations and what has transpired in my workplaces, so suggesting I am to blame for what happened to me because of the arrogance you perceive me to possess is totally uncalled for. It's also highly patronising to suggest I need to read my post back and reflect on it. I think you might want to check that desire to patronise, as it's not a great trait in a Head of Department, FYI.

Of course I don't walk around work thinking I'm the dog's bollocks and lording it over everyone. I didn't say anywhere in my post that I think I'm better than everyone else - you've decided to read that into what I wrote. I'm a collaborative, helpful and supportive colleague who has plenty of friends in my current school and loads of friends I'm still in touch with from previous schools. I really value my colleagues and love learning from them, and I know they value me, because they tell me so. We have a fantastic relationship and I'm really lucky to work with such fabulous people.

I have been bullied by Headteachers who have been threatened by me because they have assumed I am after their jobs due to my capabilities. I have no interest in being a Headteacher. But I am outspoken in defending the interests of my team and my students, and I ask difficult questions. I have been unfortunate to work in schools where the Headteachers have not been very experienced, competent or well qualified, and rather than seek to learn from their staff with more of those qualities than them, they sought to stamp them down. I was not the only victim of their ire. Up until my current job, I was always a Head of a core faculty, which put me in the firing line - because I refused to make my team carry out the directives from above that I knew were not based on sound pedagogy or student wellbeing, but merely to tick boxes, which would have put huge pressure on my team - already at breaking point - and added further stress to our students, who really didn't need more assessments and more feedback and more hoops to jump through to measure their achievement. When I challenged the rationale for decisions management couldn't justify, because the only reason they were doing these things was to be seen to be doing something, they made me persona non grata. I have always stood up for my team and my students. It's literally a Head of Department's job to do that. I'm not going to sit in a meeting and accept someone asking me to make my team do things I know are actively harmful to them and the young people we teach when there is literally no justifiable, intelligent, reasoned decision for doing so other than ticking imaginary 'but Ofsted might want to see...' boxes. You are fortunate if you haven't worked in a school with incompetent idiots as managers, but many of us in this profession sadly do, especially if you've the misfortune to end up in an academy chain.

The reality is, I am intelligent (Oxbridge degree, two MAs and half way to a PhD, if you need proof), I am very good at my job (my relationships with my students and the progress they make are evidence of this), and I am really passionate about what I do. I shouldn't have to put myself down in order to please and placate other people. A man wouldn't have any qualms in stating his professional competence, so I don't see why I should have to. I am clever, I am well qualified, and I am good at my job. I'm not going to pretend otherwise. It's ok to be proud of what you have achieved in life, you know.

I suggest you work on your own confidence rather than trying to drag other people down. Your post says a lot more about you and how you feel about yourself than it does about me.

And unfortunately yours is not an unusual story in schools.

A previous school I worked in, it was clear to all that the head had favourites. I was a favourite for the first few months, until I dared to question the rationale of making 5year olds in y1 sit formal written assessment when we were operating a semi-EYFS set up because they'd missed a lot of reception due to covid. Suddenly I became public enemy no.1 and was excluded from SLT meetings, my assessment data was scrutinised because obviously I had suddenly become a shit teacher overnight and my class couldn't be making such good progress, and I was gaslighted, being pulled into meetings for failing to do xyz which had never been communicated to me or I had actively been told the opposite (and had an email trail of proof). Living hell for the last 6 months until I could leave at the end of the year. And all because I dared to question the egotistical head.

miniaturepixieonacid · 26/08/2024 00:15

EnidSpyton Your second post is nothing like your first - it explains how you work which sounds assertive and good - perhaps not everyone's cup of tea, as you've experienced, but effective and your style that works for you. Your first post does not read that way at all - in my opinion obviously. Especially specifically pointing out that you are slim and pretty and that you feel female managers are jealous of that. That was the bit that really shocked me, not the intelligence, job performance bit.

I don't think I'm underconfident, just realistic. I am fine at my job, I have friends, I have a good degree, I'm not hideous. But I'm nothing special or particularly good/attractive. Just like most of us. I think it's unusual to state otherwise, especially in reference to your figure and attractiveness. I didn't mean to be patronising though. I've just found that most people, myself included, often don't realise when we might be sending signals that put people's backs up. And I'm always wary to look out for them. Which clearly I did with you too so I will definitely take that on board too.

EnidSpyton · 26/08/2024 07:30

@miniaturepixieonacid

I appreciate you explaining your viewpoint further.

I know it’s not the done thing to talk about your appearance and how it affects things in the workplace, but I wish more people would, because it is a genuine barrier I have experienced. I’ve talked to some other female friends about it and a couple have also reluctantly admitted they have experienced the same nastiness from female colleagues or managers who are jealous of them because of how they look.

Again, I can’t help reality. My mother was a model and I have inherited her looks. I’m tall, I’m very slim, and I am quite striking looking. I know this to be true because people comment on it every day and I have spent my life being stared at. I don’t seek to attract attention and I don’t care about what I look like - I go to work in jeans and a t shirt with my hair screwed up (I work in a very relaxed non uniform school). My current line manager (a woman) mentions how ‘sickeningly’ beautiful I am every.single.time. she passes me in the corridor in a very unpleasant way and constantly seeks to undermine and belittle me because she’s jealous of me. Again, nothing I do to warrant it. When you’re attractive, you notice how it changes people’s reactions to you. People are either very nice to you or they take a dislike to you. I’m sorry you find that shocking, but it is unfortunately my reality.

Anyway I’m sure you’re very good at your job and I would suggest you improving your self talk a little. Being a head of department is a big old juggling act and you have to be good at many things to do the job well. I’m sure you’re a lot more competent and talented than just being ‘fine’. 😊

Werweisswohin · 26/08/2024 07:33

I am starting understand why some of these posters find it hard to get along with people at work. 🫣🫣🫣

EnidSpyton · 26/08/2024 07:43

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Werweisswohin · 26/08/2024 08:38

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I'm not surprised at your response.
Yawn indeed.

Werweisswohin · 26/08/2024 08:51

Also, to add, I've worked with loads of women from a range of backgrounds and styles and intelligence - the ones I saw as beautiful ones were the ones with honesty and integrity, regardless of their clothing/looks. I often admired unique style, and complimented folk too if appropriate, but jealousy? What of? Genetics?

Miffylou · 26/08/2024 09:50

EnidSpyton · 25/08/2024 22:27

Respectfully, you have no idea what you're talking about with regard to my personal situations and what has transpired in my workplaces, so suggesting I am to blame for what happened to me because of the arrogance you perceive me to possess is totally uncalled for. It's also highly patronising to suggest I need to read my post back and reflect on it. I think you might want to check that desire to patronise, as it's not a great trait in a Head of Department, FYI.

Of course I don't walk around work thinking I'm the dog's bollocks and lording it over everyone. I didn't say anywhere in my post that I think I'm better than everyone else - you've decided to read that into what I wrote. I'm a collaborative, helpful and supportive colleague who has plenty of friends in my current school and loads of friends I'm still in touch with from previous schools. I really value my colleagues and love learning from them, and I know they value me, because they tell me so. We have a fantastic relationship and I'm really lucky to work with such fabulous people.

I have been bullied by Headteachers who have been threatened by me because they have assumed I am after their jobs due to my capabilities. I have no interest in being a Headteacher. But I am outspoken in defending the interests of my team and my students, and I ask difficult questions. I have been unfortunate to work in schools where the Headteachers have not been very experienced, competent or well qualified, and rather than seek to learn from their staff with more of those qualities than them, they sought to stamp them down. I was not the only victim of their ire. Up until my current job, I was always a Head of a core faculty, which put me in the firing line - because I refused to make my team carry out the directives from above that I knew were not based on sound pedagogy or student wellbeing, but merely to tick boxes, which would have put huge pressure on my team - already at breaking point - and added further stress to our students, who really didn't need more assessments and more feedback and more hoops to jump through to measure their achievement. When I challenged the rationale for decisions management couldn't justify, because the only reason they were doing these things was to be seen to be doing something, they made me persona non grata. I have always stood up for my team and my students. It's literally a Head of Department's job to do that. I'm not going to sit in a meeting and accept someone asking me to make my team do things I know are actively harmful to them and the young people we teach when there is literally no justifiable, intelligent, reasoned decision for doing so other than ticking imaginary 'but Ofsted might want to see...' boxes. You are fortunate if you haven't worked in a school with incompetent idiots as managers, but many of us in this profession sadly do, especially if you've the misfortune to end up in an academy chain.

The reality is, I am intelligent (Oxbridge degree, two MAs and half way to a PhD, if you need proof), I am very good at my job (my relationships with my students and the progress they make are evidence of this), and I am really passionate about what I do. I shouldn't have to put myself down in order to please and placate other people. A man wouldn't have any qualms in stating his professional competence, so I don't see why I should have to. I am clever, I am well qualified, and I am good at my job. I'm not going to pretend otherwise. It's ok to be proud of what you have achieved in life, you know.

I suggest you work on your own confidence rather than trying to drag other people down. Your post says a lot more about you and how you feel about yourself than it does about me.

No need to try to gain the appreciation of MN users - you seem to get plenty of appreciation from yourself.

EnidSpyton · 26/08/2024 10:05

@Miffylou

What precisely is wrong with appreciating your own skills and abilities?

Why should we be expected to constantly put ourselves down, make ourselves smaller, deny our talents?

Men aren't expected to - in fact, they're praised for doing the exact opposite. But women are expected to constantly be self-effacing and diminish who they are and what they can do. If they do praise themselves in any way, they're criticised as being arrogant, egotistical, delusional, etc.

I'm sick and tired of the double standard. And what's sad is that it's not actually men who do this policing - it's other women. Women on Mumsnet are awful at policing and belittling women who do dare to acknowledge - yeah, actually, you know what, I am pretty good at what I do. The minute a woman praises herself, the vipers come out. As women, we should be encouraging and lifting one another up, not pulling each other down. The world tries hard enough to do that to us as it is.

I'm not ashamed of the fact that I am clever and competent and talented at my chosen profession. I am proud of what I have achieved. I see nothing wrong in acknowledging that. Perhaps you might like to consider why you find that a problem.

Miffylou · 26/08/2024 10:20

EnidSpyton · 26/08/2024 10:05

@Miffylou

What precisely is wrong with appreciating your own skills and abilities?

Why should we be expected to constantly put ourselves down, make ourselves smaller, deny our talents?

Men aren't expected to - in fact, they're praised for doing the exact opposite. But women are expected to constantly be self-effacing and diminish who they are and what they can do. If they do praise themselves in any way, they're criticised as being arrogant, egotistical, delusional, etc.

I'm sick and tired of the double standard. And what's sad is that it's not actually men who do this policing - it's other women. Women on Mumsnet are awful at policing and belittling women who do dare to acknowledge - yeah, actually, you know what, I am pretty good at what I do. The minute a woman praises herself, the vipers come out. As women, we should be encouraging and lifting one another up, not pulling each other down. The world tries hard enough to do that to us as it is.

I'm not ashamed of the fact that I am clever and competent and talented at my chosen profession. I am proud of what I have achieved. I see nothing wrong in acknowledging that. Perhaps you might like to consider why you find that a problem.

I agree with much of what you say. In general women tend to be too self-effacing and men tend to display confidence even when it’s unfounded. Male teachers are often overrated by parents because of their over-confidence.

I'm good at what I do too. But I don’t feel the need to tell everyone that, because my results speak for themselves. And it is very off-putting to impute jealousy to people you don’t get on with or who you think are less physically attractive than you are. It's daft to imagine you can read people's minds.

Werweisswohin · 26/08/2024 10:35

@Miffylou said: And it is very off-putting to impute jealousy to people you don’t get on with or who you think are less physically attractive than you are. It's daft to imagine you can read people's minds.

Wholeheartedly agreed!

EnidSpyton · 26/08/2024 10:37

@Miffylou

I don't go around in everyday life telling everyone how great I am. That would be absurd. My results also speak for themselves. My colleagues know I'm good at my job not because I tell them (who would go around telling their colleagues how great they are?!), but because it's self evident in the work I produce and the relationships I have with them and my students. But I don't work with the people on this thread on Mumsnet, and none of us have met each other. Therefore I am obviously being far more overt on this thread than I would need to be in real life.

Unfortunately jealousy has been made very obvious in various workplaces I've been in, and that's just the truth of my experience. It's not mind-reading. It's manifested in real, evidenced behaviours. If you don't want to believe me or find my self-confidence off-putting, then that's absolutely fine. I don't need you - a random internet stranger - to believe me or like me. It is, however, a shame that you seem to feel the need to discount and discredit other people's experiences. You might want to reflect on why you feel the need to do that.

I might also add that me daring to state that I'm attractive and that other women have been jealous of that has brought out nastiness from more than one poster. Which exactly proves my point!

Werweisswohin · 26/08/2024 10:40

EnidSpyton · 26/08/2024 10:37

@Miffylou

I don't go around in everyday life telling everyone how great I am. That would be absurd. My results also speak for themselves. My colleagues know I'm good at my job not because I tell them (who would go around telling their colleagues how great they are?!), but because it's self evident in the work I produce and the relationships I have with them and my students. But I don't work with the people on this thread on Mumsnet, and none of us have met each other. Therefore I am obviously being far more overt on this thread than I would need to be in real life.

Unfortunately jealousy has been made very obvious in various workplaces I've been in, and that's just the truth of my experience. It's not mind-reading. It's manifested in real, evidenced behaviours. If you don't want to believe me or find my self-confidence off-putting, then that's absolutely fine. I don't need you - a random internet stranger - to believe me or like me. It is, however, a shame that you seem to feel the need to discount and discredit other people's experiences. You might want to reflect on why you feel the need to do that.

I might also add that me daring to state that I'm attractive and that other women have been jealous of that has brought out nastiness from more than one poster. Which exactly proves my point!

Who cares how 'attractive' you think you are though? How is it relevant to this thread?

EnidSpyton · 26/08/2024 10:48

@Werweisswohin

If you bothered to read my posts, you'd see I originally mentioned it in reference to my own experience of being bullied at work, in support and acknowledgement of the OP's experiences. What I look like has been the cause of bullying for me personally. Other people have decided to pick up on that one reference and make a big deal out of it, not me.

I don't really care what I look like. I don't think it should matter at all in the workplace. But unfortunately it has been an issue for some women I've worked with and they've used it to bully me. I really don't understand why this is so unbelievable or offensive to people on this thread.

Miffylou · 26/08/2024 10:53

EnidSpyton · 26/08/2024 10:37

@Miffylou

I don't go around in everyday life telling everyone how great I am. That would be absurd. My results also speak for themselves. My colleagues know I'm good at my job not because I tell them (who would go around telling their colleagues how great they are?!), but because it's self evident in the work I produce and the relationships I have with them and my students. But I don't work with the people on this thread on Mumsnet, and none of us have met each other. Therefore I am obviously being far more overt on this thread than I would need to be in real life.

Unfortunately jealousy has been made very obvious in various workplaces I've been in, and that's just the truth of my experience. It's not mind-reading. It's manifested in real, evidenced behaviours. If you don't want to believe me or find my self-confidence off-putting, then that's absolutely fine. I don't need you - a random internet stranger - to believe me or like me. It is, however, a shame that you seem to feel the need to discount and discredit other people's experiences. You might want to reflect on why you feel the need to do that.

I might also add that me daring to state that I'm attractive and that other women have been jealous of that has brought out nastiness from more than one poster. Which exactly proves my point!

Fine. But you might be interested in knowing that telling people "you might want to reflect on…" or "you might like to consider why…" or "I suggest you work on…" comes across as enormously patronising. (Or perhaps you do it deliberately.)

The reason people dislike you talking about what you perceive as the disadvantages of being attractive is that research has established that physically attractive people have more success socially, personally and professionally. So complaining about it is not a good look.

EnidSpyton · 26/08/2024 11:03

@Miffylou

I'm sorry you find me patronising. That was not my intention. Unfortunately, however, your tone does come across as aggressive and unkind, and your choice to try and discredit people's experiences of bullying does not reflect well on you at all.

I know that being attractive has its benefits on a sociological level and that this is proven. I don't deny I have benefited from my looks in various areas of my life. However, there are two sides to the coin, and there can also be enormous disadvantages to being attractive - namely, jealousy from other women, and also predatory behaviour from men. I have experienced both, frequently. I'm sorry that you don't like me saying it, but it is the truth. I'm not going to deny my reality because other women don't like me saying that being attractive causes problems as well as advantages.

None of this is helpful to the OP, however, so let's leave it there. Enjoy your Bank Holiday Monday.

Swipe left for the next trending thread