I'm quitting teaching, I've decided, AIBU?

[thequickbrowndog]

That's it, I'm done, I'm leaving! I've spent the whole summer dreading going back. I adore the kids (secondary boys school) but I can't be bullied anymore. I can't stand my work colleagues, I've had to make a formal complaint about bullying. My boss clearly favours other staff over me. Everything always just seems unfair but I just have to get on with it. I work part time but am stressed about it full time because of all the passive aggressive emails while I'm off.
I don't have a job to go to yet, but I'm just done. I can't go back. AIBU?

You sound like you really enjoy teaching. Could you do private tutoring?

I thought the whole point of posting on AIBU was to get different opinions and viewpoints. Just because some people are not saying what the OP wants to hear, that doesn’t make them "bullies", even if they are wrong. You are devaluing the word "bully" when you use it like that.

I left teaching after 20 years. I loved teaching, but after having my own kids I just couldn't devote all the extra time to my work that I had before them. I was burnout and just decided to leave.
I ended up cleaning with a friend for about 12 months, which I absolutely loved. It gave me the time I needed to decompress and think about what I wanted to do.
I ended up working for the local council. I no longer have the holidays and the pay isn't as good, but I actually have a life outside of work. I do a sport everynight after work, I also sew crochet and bake. When I go away on holiday I don't think about work at all.
Good luck finding something new, as a teacher you have lots of transferable skills.

I left teaching 4 years ago after 5 years in both mainstream and special. I too used to hope for a road accident on the way to work in the morning. I used to hate the August bank holiday because while everyone else was looking forward to a long weekend, for me in symbolised having to go back to work.

I hated the long hours, the parents, the monotony, the “being on” all the time, the useless manager I had in my final two years.

I realised it was time to get out when my friend from uni also left teaching and I felt indescribably jealous!

I left to go and work for my LA Education Team in a role I was passionate about, for more money. I have since been promoted.

My salary is in the mid £50s, I WFH about 60% of the time, get out into the community the rest of the time. On the extremely rare occasion I work late or at a weekend it is because I have chosen to because I have had a burst of enthusiasm or inspiration and I can usually claim the time back as flexi.

Loving your reactions to the MN bullies OP
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 You don't come across as someone easily put down, so your experiences must truly be awful at your school.

Of course YANBU. I was in your position 10 years ago. Bullied by the new HT, terrified of opening her emails. She stripped me of my dignity over 2 years. I had no plan, no job to go to, but had to leave as was torn up inside by her attacks which were sometimes in public. She systematically turned longstanding loyal colleagues against me. It was a deliberate campaign on her part, and so humiliating to me as a previously highly respected teacher of 20 years experience.

Anyway, after 2 years othher behaviour i couldn't take anymore. So I resigned, then signed up to 3 supply agencies. After a while, I took up the opportunity to become self employed which I loved. It took years to heal from this experience.

Good luck to you, I wish you all the very best.

So much of the advice on this thread is not really in your interest OP. Your mental health is important, and having a living is important. Both things can be true.

It makes good sense to exit in as clean and seamless a way as possible. It also makes sense to work on your mental health and resilience which will serve you in the next environment.

There will be stress no matter what new job you end up in. Bullies exist in all walks of life. It would be a great idea now in the place of overwhelm and anxiety that you are in to think about all the choices and options that can give you back a sense of agency and move forward in the best possible way.

If you give your notice without a plan, and end up finding getting a new line of work difficult, it will be an incredibly negative situation. I have seen this for a number of friends who have left work during a time of stress or bad working conditions without something lined up. While there are lots of stories of people who quit jobs and set up successful businesses - there are fewer anecdotes about those who found the job hunt soul destroying and didn't find a great onward situation but it's a real possibility and not a good one.

Work out a plan that gets you out in a way that preserves having an income and independence as a priority. I think you're making the right decision to make a change and get out of an awful situation and wish you every success.

Firstly, sorry you’re feeling like this! I tried doing teacher training about 10 years ago - and I lasted 10 weeks 😂😂 so absolute kudos to you for doing it for as long as you have. And I’m sure you’re an excellent teacher, as it’s clear you really care about your pupils and enjoy working with them. The world really needs more of those teachers (and people), so I’m sorry you’re thinking of leaving.

Secondly, in terms of a potential career change, have you considered working for the Civil Service? I work there, and they employ lots of former teachers. There are loads of roles available around the U.K. and you’ll have lots of helpful transferable skills from teaching that you can bring to a role there. The benefits are also good - good annual leave, pension etc. Happy for you to message me if you’d like to find out more about the CS 😊

Try another school?

In 30 years of working as an employment lawyer, I have come to the conclusion that the vast majority of teachers who become managers are entirely unsuited to the demands of the role, both intellectually and on a practical level. This is not restricted to the teaching profession, but appears to be particularly bad within it in the UK. The US system of separate administrators i.e. managers, and teachers who simply teach generates a much lower rate of litigation.

For all the criticism that there is of multi-academy trusts in the UK, it should be recognised that standardised protocols are the most practical way forward, with all parties aware of where they stand. Any other system comes down to different treatment of individuals, favouritism/nepotism, and all that goes with it.

OP I wasn’t a teacher but worked in a school on tech side of things.

HT was a complete Cow, the other teachers were on the whole lovely. Most of us were working out now and when to leave.

absolutely go off sick, don’t go back.

one of my teacher friends coaches 11+ and her core subjects for exams and is really happy doing it.

one day the government is going to wake up with no teachers, my grandkids are being failed by all the crap teachers have to put up with and their awful classmates. DGC was asked to sit with school bully to see if he could rub off some good behaviour. The nice kids don’t want to play with my DGS now because he’s ’friends’ with school bully. Teacher will not allow him to now sit elsewhere and his education is being disrupted.

Unfortunately @Lanneederniere most MATs are just an extreme case of poor management in teaching. And, where those at the bottom are buying glue sticks for class from personal money, the eye watering sums they pay management really grate.

Personally, I think the biggest problem with school management is the governance structure. In every school I've heard of the governors just back the head, regardless of how terrible the head is at their job.

the vast majority of teachers who become managers are entirely unsuited to the demands of the role, both intellectually and on a practical level

I‘m not sure that’s particularly fair. Most managers in primary are trying to do it alongside too much other work and not enough support, time or training.

I think it’s the universal problem of toxic people seeking power. Each school is like a little kingdom of its own, and it only takes one type b cluster personality and the trickle down is huge. I worked with one who cries every time she was asked to take responsibility for anything, so she gets out of working but always has time for persecuting junior staff.

Funnily enough, the school has recruitment and retention problems.

Look after your mental health first. Australia have sabbaticals and Canada used to have compulsory sick leave, so you had to take as holiday what you hadn’t taken sick. UK offers no such work/life balance and it reaps what it sows.

If UK teachers were paid overtime the costs would be immense, so I expect you have already done as much work as you will take sick leave. That How To Leave Teaching and Thrive Facebook page is great, btw.

You're not unreasonable to want to get out of your school, but maybe consider a different school before leaving teaching. I've worked in two schools, which have both been nothing like this. Part-time colleagues often have an 'out of office' or email signature that gives details of working days, and I'm sure people try to respect that.

This is very good advice.

As teachers, we all know of pupils who are bullied and end up being shuttled from school to school for a fresh start.

It's often a disaster because the bullying continues because the person being bullied has no strategies to cope.

Hard as it may be to analyse it, if someone is being bullied, doesn't get on with their colleagues and can't stand them, this requires some self-analysis so they don't just swap one set of issues for the same in another job.

Maybe some counselling would help?
The valid questions are why am I being bullied, what should I do to stop this, how can I not allow it to happen again?

Extracting yourself from the situation may be a short term measure.
There is always friction in all workplaces. But how you deal with that is the key.

What isn't clear @thequickbrowndog is if this is the only school you've been in and how previous schools compare.

If this experience is unique to this school, then you should think again about chucking in teaching.

You also need to consider references from your current employer and leaving under a cloud may impact on that as would a medical record of stress/ sickness for MH reasons.

Just tread carefully and consider all your options.

Do it. I quit 4 years ago. Yes I have taken a big pay cut but much happier now!

In my view once a teacher always a teacher! But as others have said I would consider other branches of teaching. How about primary school? Teaching abroad? (be it private, high school, or in a university setting). Tutoring? Purchasing a tutoring franchise? Teaching online? All of these would offer a very different fresh set of challenges - and in some cases potentially better lifestyle and pay packages. Your qualifications and experience would give you a significant head start over other candidates for any of these branches of teaching.

This has already been answered about how many schools she’s been in to.

Could you look at specialist schools. Smaller sen that still do exams etc. Or tutoring? If your not happy you know you have to do the right thing for you.

@thequickbrowndog - I don't blame you one bit!

I'm a qualified teacher myself (primary) but never went into it as the pandemic hit whilst doing my training. I saw enough on placement tbh.

Have you thought about teaching abroad? I taught in Asia which was a fab experience.

I think going off on sick (being signed off) is probably the best thing if you are desperate to leave and can't stick it out until Christmas.

Good luck!

I am a teacher and my advice stands. Don't walk away- find another school.

If you have existing health issues then that is very valid and if you can be signed off for those, that's valid. You didn't explain that clearly at the start and as several posters have pointed out.

I don't think you should throw the baby out with the bathwater.

All the best anyway whatever you choose.

It’s not like that in all schools.

YANBU to leave but YABU to do it now. You should have handed in your notice to leave now not “go off sick” as you’ve said in another comment.

Well, I didn't see it- I did try to read all her posts, but if I missed something I apologise- there is life outside MN on a Sunday morning.

I didn't mean to be harsh @thequickbrowndog

You aren't unreasonable at all for wanting to leave a toxic work place.

But my opinion was that you need to look at this in two ways- is it the current school or is it teaching per se you hate now?

I don't know your financial circumstances, but if you can leave work and not find another job immediately, that's great.

If you need the income, then it's best to leave on the best terms possible, under the circumstances, to protect your future employment if you need references. And have a Plan B so you aren't stuck in another job you take in desperation and end up hating it.

My instinct is that once you hand in your notice you may find that getting through the term isn't as bad as you imagine because you'll have made the emotional decision to leave.

All the best with it.

@PrettyPinkShoes

The OP doesn't need counselling to see why she is being bullied. It’s not her fault that someone else is choosing to take out their own issues on her.

The OP doesn’t need to change. Her bully does.

You are doing a lot of victim blaming on this thread and it’s not painting you in a very good light.

I’ve been bullied at work in more than one school. I know why. I’m clever, competent, capable, very well qualified and popular with my colleagues and pupils. I’m passionate and enthusiastic about my work. These attributes consistently threaten ineffective people I work with and who I have worked with in the past in management positions. I might also add that I am slim and conventionally attractive which has caused issues with female managers who are not those things. I can’t help how I look and I can’t help how other people feel about me being more competent than them. I don’t need fucking counselling to get to the bottom of what the issues are - there’s nothing wrong with me. It’s the same for the OP. She’s an experienced and capable teacher being bullied by someone who isn’t. It’s not rocket science is it?

The people who need counselling are the bullies. They are the ones with the inferiority complexes that cause them to lash out at others.

Suggesting that people who are bullied somehow attract or encourage this behaviour is really problematic and if you really are a teacher then I am very concerned as to how you deal with pastoral matters at school.