Asexual relationship

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Following on from a similar thread , I accepted many years ago that my partner doesn't like sex. Seems repulsed by the physical act but I think he has done it to please me. We do have sex now and again. Boring, fast and dutiful I think. He doesn't touch me with his hands or mouth down there. He is very affectionate and loving. Loves kisses and cuddles.
I somehow managed to get pregnant and we have a child.

I buried my own high sex drive. Tried everything to turn him on and took a major interest in my appearance back then. Now I've given up. I don't bother with make up, hair and don't dress up anymore. I did love all of that.

I love him but sex is now gone.

He told me early on that he had very little interest in sex and I accepted that as my self esteem was so low and had just come from an abusive relationship.
We adore our son, he is besotted and never thought he would be a dad . He loves our child much more than he loves me.

All of his relationships previous to ours ended due to his lack of sexual interest and performance, I guess.
I was a fool to bury my libido but I thought stability and love would see me through for our lives together.

He loves our family and is really happy but deep down I'm scared that my head will be turned and I will resent him later on in life.

Does this have any chance of lasting. What has your experience been please? I am only 30.

You have three choices. Either have an open relationship or leave. Or accept it. Sounds like you can’t accept it, so it’s one of the first two.

He will never agree to an open relationship. I'm happy in many ways. We have affection and a beautiful child but I do worry about the future.
Can it last , realistically?

It can last, if you can make do with the affection from him and also get yourself a BoB ( battery-operated boyfriend). Thirty is awfully young to settle for "making do", though.

Realistically, no, it probably won't last.

It's difficult when things are just running along as they are, nothing out of the ordinary going on so you can have a massive reason to leave, but you're just there feeling quietly resentful.

I've known several couples in similar situations over the years, and, without fail, an affair has ended the relationship.

You're not really happy, do you really want the next 40+ years of your life to be like this?

There could be a medical cause for his lack of libido. Could you suggest that as parents, you should have an annual check up with your GP and get all your bloods done? That way something like low testosterone or a cardiac issue or something else that causes low libido could come to light. It could actually save his life if it's a symptom of a greater issue. And if there is no issue, then at least you've ruled out that possibility before you make any other decision.

He's refused any medical or counselling . He said that's just who he is and I don't have a leg to stand on as I accepted this from the start.
Somebody said the other day that we now look like each other. That broke my heart as I was always glamorous and loved my style. Now I pull my hair back into a pony tail, don't bother with highlights or make up anymore. I've only realised this. I don't really know myself now.
I have been wondering if because I am very thin with no curves whatsoever , is that's why he isn't attracted to me or is it the reason he is with me.

Gay and can't admit it to himself?

Personally I would plan to leave, it sounds like you could co-parent amicably and still be friends.

My spidey senses tell me at times that he could be gay but I can't think about that right now

Really?

Could be. A friend of mine married a man who later came out. He's not going to change and you wouldn't be on MN if you happy.

Just fuck someone and don't tell him.

See where it goes from there

It's unfair to think that he may be gay. The reason I say this is because the reasons I think he could be gay are old fashioned eg commenting on males looks and bodies, very effeminate, always hugging people. That does not mean he is gay but he's the only man who does these things to an extreme.

.. that I know, I should add.

He's "very effeminate ", and hates having sex with you? I don't think he is asexual, I think he is deeply dishonest and unkind.

Do you think you could co-parent your son if the two of you lived apart?

He is also obsessed with his own body and goes to gym every day. He is very very thin and wears skintight clothes. This is why I feel it's unfair as my ideas may be old fashioned. I am weary.

So he comments on attractive men and doesn't enjoy sex with women.🤔

He doesn't admire them but says.. Dave has a great body or he's ripped so well or he may say that a friend or teammate is good looking. That type of comment.

Might he be gay?

I think he's gay, sweetheart.

This.

My first thought was gay. After reading more of the op posts I really think he's closet.

You really need to start loving yourself again and being kinder to yourself. I wouldn't make any decisions right now but you aren't happy.
Get yourself back then see how you feel.💐