Lying to receive more child maintenance.

[Propal]

Going through a horrendous time with my partners ex. They have been separated for four years and have one shared child. His ex has always been volatile and unpredictable. We share his child exactly 50/50 with his ex. We both work from home so are able to juggle this between us. Even though we share his child equally, my partner has always paid his ex £450 a month to pay for things such as hobbies, school uniforms, school dinners etc. This is because it is a parent portal pay app and it is easier for it all to be done by one person (she was happy with this). Sometimes there wouldn’t be anything extra to pay for his child, but he always honoured the £450.

2 months ago we announced our pregnancy and since then his ex has made our lives hell. She has opened a case with the CMS and told them that we never have his child overnight, and therefore she is entitled to huge maintenance payments. The CMS have said that, whilst they understand we are telling them that we have 50/50, they will believe the mother as she claims child benefit on behalf of their child. They have told us to appeal but in the meantime we need to pay massive maintenance bills, which mean we are not going to be able to afford to do much (or anything) for my partners child whilst they are here.

I do understand that most of the time, it is the mother who is fucked by the dad over maintenance, but in this case we are really struggling and it’s very upsetting. We can’t believe that the CMS just agrees with my partners ex without asking for evidence or any sort of proof.

Has anybody been in this situation? We have texts showing his ex acknowledging 50/50 contact, evidence of things we pay for whilst the child is here etc.

I am really struggling mentally with this and how we will cope going forward. It’s putting a huge strain on our relationship as well as finances as we simply cannot afford these payments and to look after my partners child half the time and prepare for our new baby.

Have you put in an appeal?

Sorry edited to add then when I say ‘you,’ I really meant your partner, not literally you

If this is true, firstly ask her why she is doing this. If no reply/something odd stop sending the £450 and stop having the DC overnight. Provide CMS with evidence as soon as possible and breath..your baby is not yet a cost of any kind and with 2nd hand stuff need not be for sure time. It'll be fine.

@hettie She has already said it is because my partner has a large salary and she wants more than £450. We don’t have this documented as it was said on the phone. Technically we shouldn’t be paying anything as we share his child equally, but obviously we want what is best for his child.

(The reason we are struggling is despite a large salary, we both have debts, a large mortgage, but most expensive care home payments for his mother and father. All of his income is pretty much swallowed up).

Do not stop having his DC overnight FFS.

@JustFrustrated Obviously we won’t stop having his child overnight as that would just be cruel. It’s not his child’s fault that his mum is behaving like this.

It sounds like yanbu.

Appeal and don't hand over any money.

I honestly cannot fathom why CMS just believed his ex blindly without any proof. Now the burden of proof is on us, I’ve read online that it’s almost impossible to overturn a CMS decision without a lengthy court battle. In the meantime we need to find a lot of money to pay his ex each month.

@Arrivapercy My partner has told he must pay the money as otherwise his ex will use a service called ‘Collect and Pay’ where he will be liable for 20% on top of what he’s already been told to pay. They’ve also said he can be prosecuted and accumulate debt!!

If his mum & dad can't afford care fees, its not on your DH to fund. Can he apply for council funding for their care

I honestly cannot fathom why CMS just believed his ex blindly without any proof

Sadly the reality is a hell of a lot of men lie to avoid paying cms. Cms will be used to situations similar to yours but where dad is claiming he has the kids (and doesn't) to get out of paying.

My ex owes 10k, has 3 liability orders and nothing happens so I would say don't pay and provide evidence that you have 50/50 care. You can also provide evidence of the 450 a month you've been paying.

@Arrivapercy Surely though, in cases where it is disputed, each party should be given 30 days to compile evidence to prove that what they are saying is true.

My partner has just been told he must pay a lot of money, with no evidence, and if it ever does get dismissed he cannot get the money back without going to the small claims court. It’s mad!

@AgathaSultana My partner is worried about legal ramifications if he doesn’t pay.

They would apply to take it from his paycheck before he gets it but that would give you time to provide your evidence

What’s the difference between the £450 you already pay and what CMS are telling you to pay every month?

Stop paying the £450 to school dinners or anything else and pay that as CMS. If anyone asks for money just say you’re paying CMS and she has claimed she’s the resident parent.

It's unfortunate the system is working in such a way that its making you financially disadvantaged temporarily.

The system should absolutely not be changed to stop this happening though. It's already geared towards the NRP so heavily that millions of RPs are screwed over daily, vs a tiny proportion of NRPs with an ex who lies about contact. The system shouldn't make things harder for the RP.

I do hope you get it sorted quickly.

This is a bit of a goady comment

Is he making any effort to solve this? because if he's daft enough to be paying a care home for both parents (so that's at least £100k before any other costs) he's an unusually high earner to be so clueless!

I would (& this isn't legal advice!!)

1. Ask the mother to retract / change what she has told CMS

1. quickly compile evidence (the text messages or whatever you have) showing you have the child 50/50 and send this with a covering letter to CMS, saying she is lying, you have 50/50 contact and have done for a while and you simply cannot afford to be paying her what they're asking during the time period for the appeal. Say you will continue to pay the £450 as you have been, but ask that they expedite it because you can't afford anything else.

@FatmanandKnobbin

The system should be fit for purpose and child centred. A system that automatically assumes that one party is reporting accurately (despite no evidence) is not fit for purpose, nor does it have the child’s best interests at heart. It’s a lazy way of the government saying ‘look, we are doing something!’

If she is lying to obtain money from you then she is potentially committing a criminal offence of obtaining property by deception. Consider approaching the police or at least telling her you are going to.

The ex did this to my husband and the CMS blindly believed her. Told DH that he needed a court order before they would change the maintenance back to what it was. It took DSD (who was 12 at the time) telling her mum that it was disgusting that she was lying to the CMS and that she did stay with us fortnightly. The ex then sent in a handwritten letter saying she’d ’made a mistake’ 🙄 🙄 It was only then that the shared care element was reinstated.

Just to be clear, DSD wasn’t asked to get involved. She overheard her mum telling her mum (DSD’s grandma) and was outraged.

system that automatically assumes that one party is reporting accurately (despite no evidence) is not fit for purpose, nor does it have the child’s best interests at heart.

Actually not true. Its a system that prioritises money to the RP in instances of uncertainty, which is in the child's best interest. If your DH ex is claiming child benefit she will be considered the RP.

Why is it goady?

CMS already heavily favours the one paying, there shouldn't be more put in place to potentially screw over the ones receiving the money.