Lying to receive more child maintenance.

[Propal]

Going through a horrendous time with my partners ex. They have been separated for four years and have one shared child. His ex has always been volatile and unpredictable. We share his child exactly 50/50 with his ex. We both work from home so are able to juggle this between us. Even though we share his child equally, my partner has always paid his ex £450 a month to pay for things such as hobbies, school uniforms, school dinners etc. This is because it is a parent portal pay app and it is easier for it all to be done by one person (she was happy with this). Sometimes there wouldn’t be anything extra to pay for his child, but he always honoured the £450.

2 months ago we announced our pregnancy and since then his ex has made our lives hell. She has opened a case with the CMS and told them that we never have his child overnight, and therefore she is entitled to huge maintenance payments. The CMS have said that, whilst they understand we are telling them that we have 50/50, they will believe the mother as she claims child benefit on behalf of their child. They have told us to appeal but in the meantime we need to pay massive maintenance bills, which mean we are not going to be able to afford to do much (or anything) for my partners child whilst they are here.

I do understand that most of the time, it is the mother who is fucked by the dad over maintenance, but in this case we are really struggling and it’s very upsetting. We can’t believe that the CMS just agrees with my partners ex without asking for evidence or any sort of proof.

Has anybody been in this situation? We have texts showing his ex acknowledging 50/50 contact, evidence of things we pay for whilst the child is here etc.

I am really struggling mentally with this and how we will cope going forward. It’s putting a huge strain on our relationship as well as finances as we simply cannot afford these payments and to look after my partners child half the time and prepare for our new baby.

Sorry OP, having dealt with the CMS you're going to need to be exceptionally patient, persistent and document everything and every interaction.

Unfortunately they aren't fit for purpose for either mums or dads, resident or non-resident parents. Read the trustpilot reviews - the on thing ALL their 'customers' agree on is that they provide a terrible service.

There need to be many more checks and balanaces on them as an organisation.

My ex doesn't have the birth certificates, I have them. He also doesn't do parent pay as its really bloody difficult to get 2 accounts so I said I'd do it and he pays me.
He's absolutely a good 50/50 Dad to them.

Couldn't agree more. They are an absolute shit show and as I said in my previous post, it really can depend on who answers the phone on the day. I've never come across such an inept organisation

50/50 and your partner already pays maintenance of £450 for one child? Is he wealthy because if his ex goes through the CMS I would expect the amount payable to go down not increase?
My ex was a high earner, however due to owning a LTD company managed to divert his declared income. I managed to get the CMS to take his company dividends in to account but I still only received a little over £400 a month for 2 children who I had 100% care of.

How much does the cms calculator say?

Who is living in his parents home while they are in a care home. I assume the mortgage has been paid on it. Is it just standing empty?

There’s a cap with CMS, I believe it is around £3000 per month but don’t quote me on that exact amount as it may have changed. So is he likely to be up to £3k per month?!

My partners ex tried this. He has them 50/50 and called CMS and explained everything and they just closed the case. She had also claimed he had them zero nights per year. He had evidence though like an email from her to him where she had mentioned the 50/50 and that he was registered as the primary contact with the school. He also pays for all extra curricular, haircuts and takes them to doctor and dentist. It was still stressful for him though. Your DP should call them again and give them all the facts and threaten to escalate and ask to talk to someone higher up if need be.

Yes absolutely. I mean someone has to have the BC and passports - both can’t have them. Having possession of these documents doesn’t mean someone is a better parent. Obviously someone claiming they are doing 50/50 when it’s 2 nights a week is bullshitting and the CMS know that. My DP and his ex do one week on, one week off so it genuinely is 50/50 but if anyone had to be classed as primary carer it would be him I guess because he does all the admin and dealing with the school. His ex still tried to sting him for maintenance based on pure fabrication which was probably because she’d burned through the 6 figure divorce settlement by then and didn’t want to have to get a job. He also told me that when they were married he found out she was illegally claiming benefits, declaring herself to be a single mum despite them being married, living together, and him paying for everything. Some people can’t help themselves.

But it's quite irrelevant to the position re CMS. CMS is being claimed on the pretext of child not living with OP DH. Whereas reality is it's 50 50. So it doesn't matter a jot whether DH is paying care home fees or who is living in the family home or any of this stuff. CMS have based a calculation on a incorrect set of information and won't revisit this. That is the problem the OP is looking to solve. This isn't a care home fees thread

This isn't a care home fees thread

It’s a huge and indefinite expense. If it’s a posh home you’re looking at £7-8K per month per parent. Unless DH has lots of high earning siblings it’s unsustainable and taking money from their kids/grandkids. Especially if the house isn’t rented out.

Does she realise the child maintenance will go down once your baby is born?

You being pregnant means she needs a formal agreement in place and probably doesn’t trust you both to be able/willing to do 50/50 once the baby is born. If you do all/most of the childcare then she will definitely have a point.

In your position I’d be questioning why he chose to pay both his parents care home fees (at least 8k a month) while only sending £450 for his child.

Also 50/50 is supposed to be across the whole year including weekends and holidays - but there are two of you and presumably only one of her. So if she’s doing all the admin too she probably does feel hard done by.

Honestly take a breath and take this as an opportunity to think realistically about this and set boundaries with your DH. You will not be in a position to support 50/50 childcare with a new baby so let him know now. He should then either sort out his work to do it all himself or sell his parent’s house to fund their care (that’s usually the reason why high earners choose to pay care fees - to keep the house) and pay his ex enough to cover the new arrangement.

As I said earlier….onto your MP they will sort this out for you - it’s their job!

He doesn’t owe her any obligation to pay any child maintenance because it’s a 50/50 arrangement. He pays her the money he does because she pays the school expenses from her account.

Thats ridiculous and in no way excuses her blatant lying. First, it’s perfectly possible to carry on with 50/50 even after a new baby. Do parents suddenly opt out of caring for their older children if they have a new baby? No, of course they don’t. You don’t even know if OP does all the childcare, it’s just a sexist assumption.
He can pay what he likes for the care home - it’s his money. He also has his child half the time so doesn’t have to pay a penny in maintenance to the ex. This isn’t a case where he is the NRP, he is the equal resident parent along with his ex.

@Ozanj There isn't just one of her, if you read all of OP's posts before passing judgement, this child's mother is remarried and works full time just like her new husband does. They are no more in a position to care 50/50 for the child than OP and her husband are in that case.

The care of his parents is irrelevant, the costs are split with his siblings. He has his child 50/50 and under normal circumstances he wouldn't be paying anything to his ex. The ex is trying to commit fraud by lying about care arrangements.

If this was a father lying to avoid paying CMS everyone would be tearing into him.

This is rubbish!

What’s rubbish is the OPs original care homes fee claim. Which suggests the details of her story may be a little bit removed from reality. And yet people still fall for it 😉

You haven't even read it properly. There isn't one of her, she is married. How have you decided the care home is at least 8k a month? Nowhere does she mention fees. My grans costs 850 a week, and he's splitting it with siblings. And it's got nothing to do with maintenance, he owes her nothing and is paying 450, plus all costs when child is with them. Also how have you decided they won't have the child 50/50 once baby is born?

What are you talking about? I suggested she contact her MP to sort out CMS!

We’ve been through this. The CMS said to pay the “wrong” amount and if mandatory reconsideration was found in our favour then we can claim it back off the other parent!

There was no chance that would happen. We paid the amount as per the CMS calculator and when threatened with the ex with collect and pay wrote disputing this “we have not refused to pay, only refused to pay the wrong amount”. Went to mandatory reconsideration and found in our favour and old arrears written off.

My one piece of advice is put everything in writing and attach the letter on their online portal so you have evidence. Even if it’s just confirming something you’ve said over the phone.

I also echo the other poster, half of it is pot luck on who you speak to at the CMS. You could speak to 3 individuals who will give you three different answers.

Have you calculated how much maintainable will be for just one child? Is it much more. Obviously you’ll stop paying the 450 immediately?

I’m not sure why a few people are so preoccupied about how much my partner pays for care home fees. He could be a billionaire and she wouldn’t be entitled to any money through the CMS, she’s being deceptive and committing fraud.

As it happens, my partner has a few siblings, his parents also had expensive assets and a large sum of liquid cash. They are using the sale of classic cars and other assets, the liquid cash and more recently, splitting the bill between the siblings to ensure that his parents are as comfortable as possible. They do not want the substantial family home and estate to be sold, hence self-funding.

ANYWAY, to what is actually relevant:

We spent all day yesterday reading this thread and taking everyone’s advice so we could be as armed as possible with what we are able to do legally. My partner rang his ex this morning and told her that she is committing fraud. He told her he has a ton of supporting evidence that he is sending to the CMS to prove her lies, and when we get it dismissed (which we would, we literally have messages from her proving her lies!) anything she claims fraudulently we will recoup through the small claims court as well as reporting her to the police.

She has said she will log onto the account today and close the claim. We will see.

Well done OP. That seems like a good way of dealing with it and hopefully she has paid attention to what he said and does close the claim!