Lying to receive more child maintenance.

[Propal]

Going through a horrendous time with my partners ex. They have been separated for four years and have one shared child. His ex has always been volatile and unpredictable. We share his child exactly 50/50 with his ex. We both work from home so are able to juggle this between us. Even though we share his child equally, my partner has always paid his ex £450 a month to pay for things such as hobbies, school uniforms, school dinners etc. This is because it is a parent portal pay app and it is easier for it all to be done by one person (she was happy with this). Sometimes there wouldn’t be anything extra to pay for his child, but he always honoured the £450.

2 months ago we announced our pregnancy and since then his ex has made our lives hell. She has opened a case with the CMS and told them that we never have his child overnight, and therefore she is entitled to huge maintenance payments. The CMS have said that, whilst they understand we are telling them that we have 50/50, they will believe the mother as she claims child benefit on behalf of their child. They have told us to appeal but in the meantime we need to pay massive maintenance bills, which mean we are not going to be able to afford to do much (or anything) for my partners child whilst they are here.

I do understand that most of the time, it is the mother who is fucked by the dad over maintenance, but in this case we are really struggling and it’s very upsetting. We can’t believe that the CMS just agrees with my partners ex without asking for evidence or any sort of proof.

Has anybody been in this situation? We have texts showing his ex acknowledging 50/50 contact, evidence of things we pay for whilst the child is here etc.

I am really struggling mentally with this and how we will cope going forward. It’s putting a huge strain on our relationship as well as finances as we simply cannot afford these payments and to look after my partners child half the time and prepare for our new baby.

You could ask the school to write a letter to state what days you do drop offs and pick ups, involvement at school, being a main carer on emergency contacts etc to help support your 50/50 evidence. I am a senior leader in a primary and we have done this for people (stating only factual information no opinions etc given). Some people are so spiteful x

I am 15 years in without any maintenance. The CSA/CMS is very much not fit for purpose. It is child centred, I guess, in a situation like yours because the threats work and payment is made. As such, the child is getting the support they deserve. I can assure you that there are ways to avoid payment - go self employed, pay minimal tax, do agency work, regularly job change....

I appreciate the impact this has on a law-abiding, PAYE household. At least it's not another child receiving nothing at all.

What?

What makes you say that? He has his child half the time and still pays significant money.

in your opinion, what more could he do?

agreed.
what the system should be and what the system actually is are light years apart.

Put together a bundle of evidence.

It will be easy to prove she is lying. Photos, receipts, etc. If the child has a phone their location history will show where they've been (in alarming detail!)

Don't make the additional payments as you won't get them back, just carry on as usual

I don't like the very first sentence of your post OP. It should be your DP dealing with the issue, not you. Detach yourself from the situation, it's nothing to do with you.

Were they married? How old is the child?

My advice is to get a court ordered arrangement order. This would evidence that the CMS can use. Lodge an appeal in the meantime.

It's fairly simple/inexpensive to start the process, download forms from court website.

However when you say "we" take care of your partners child, how much time and responsibility does your partner actually have with their child...does he rely on you?

I can see a situation where the ex feels you are doing the care role so doesn't feel its appropriate that the child should be there 50/50 if the dad isn't stepping up.

You can ask CMS to do a mandatory reconsideration- my ex managed to delay any cm for the best part of 2 years by raising a new one each time it was finally going to be enforcers that he had to pay something. Can you get evidence from the school etc that you have dc 50:50

It also shouldn't be lengthy or expensive to have an agreed and established custody arrangement put in writing. Get some legal advice rather than keeping assuming based on hearsay

How come it's thousands- how much does he earn and what is the monthly amount he's been requested? Must be extremely wealthy if in to thousands- any adjusted payments will only be from when she reported the lack of over nights - there won't be any back payment previous to that. Also you can get a birth certificate from the registry office for a few quid!

£450 of their joint household income is given to partners child, their mother should be spending £450 a month on the child too. Plus all the costs of when the child is living in either household. Increasing that from OPs partner is something to do with her, she's pregnant so her household income being massively reduced will affect the quality of life her child will have.

As much as I think NRP should be hauled in front of courts for non payments and have money owed removed from wages.

I also think where a RP lies and it's been believed (because the system sucks) they should also face being hailed in front of courts and being forced to payback money they claimed fraudulently.

The only people who suffer in anything like this though would be the child of the parents.

We need a better system - even a simple one that records the residency decisions when there isnt a court order. There should be a requirement for any separated families to have this on record and the child's resident address rather than relying on where to Gp is and who gets CB.

OP listen.
Your DP needs to instruct a solicitor to get a CAO in place that reflects the 50/50.

Everything flows from there. The ex could become difficult in other ways too, this protects everyone.

The care bill, no idea why DP is paying for it all, if his parents do not have assets then there should be support available from social.

I'd write to her saying that you are disappointed that she has lied to the CMS to falsely gain more money, and if she doesn't change this within 7 days of receipt of the letter you will be challenging it using all the evidence then taking her to court to return any additional money paid to her plus all court costs.

Is it worth going for 100% custody?

What are you talking about?!

Of course it has everything go do with the OP when she’s currently expecting a baby with him and the household income is being reduced due to unnecessary lies! In what world would this have nothing to do with the pregnancy woman of the partner who’s ex is causing havoc?

We’ve also hard bad experiences with CMS.

Keep a diary of every interaction with ex and a log of when child is with you - record any phone calls, if you want to.

I would pay the money CMS say you owe while you make the appeal. I’d look at it as paying upfront, so if you pay £1350 ahead of your appeal then I wouldn’t pay the £450 for 3 months. You can recoup that way.

I would also be tempted to stick to CMS decision to the letter after the appeal, even if it means paying nothing. There’s nothing to stop her keep doing this.

I've not read it all so apologies if it's already been said but you need to get a child arramgement court order that specifies "lives with" and the days/times stating it is exactly 50/50.
The CMS WILL accept this, so get the ball rolling on that ASAP.
Put a counter claim in for child benefit too - get your address down at.the doctors, dentists, school etc. Also ask school to write a letter stating that you drop off/collect the child equal times. All of this helps massively and is very important to get.
Also try calling them again, explain all you've said, upload screenshot etc for evidence whilst you are getting the court order in place and tell them you would like a mandatory reconsideration.
Ask you be put through to someone higher management. Honestly the outcome of these things really does depend on the caseworker you get on the day - my partner has been dealing with the extremely flawed CMS system for years and he had many times got a totally different opinion based on whoever picks up the phone that day.

You can obtain a copy of the birth certificate at your registry at a cost

Re care home fees, the fees are split between him and his siblings. The council want to liquidate all assets, which the siblings don’t want, this would include their family home. Some may find this mad, but the council also won’t pay for the lovely care home that his parents are in, as it is private. He does not pay this by himself as it is split proportionally, but the fees are still substantial.

She has claimed this money through deception and being fraudulent. My partner has always made sure that his child is well looked after, paid money (despite not needing to), his child does not go without and never would.

We have looked at obtaining a CAO this morning, it states we must go to mediation first. Is that true in all circumstances?

Don’t have a birth certificate, doesn’t do parent pay for school as it’s “easier” for HIM if she does all the admin….
I wonder if Mum considers it shared care.
My ex isn’t bad at all but he has his child 2 nights a week and claims 50/50…. Basic math says that isn’t true.

@SullysBabyMama His ex was happy to do parent pay, I can only assume as she was getting £450 a month for 50/50 care. Let’s be honest, most months it was not costing her £450 to look after her child half the time. It’s only been since I became pregnant that she’s made this false claim I can only assume out of spite.

I should clarify, it was not costing her £450 above the child’s basic needs, which she should be covering during her time with him as it is split equally.

How many siblings does he have?