Lying to receive more child maintenance.

[Propal]

Going through a horrendous time with my partners ex. They have been separated for four years and have one shared child. His ex has always been volatile and unpredictable. We share his child exactly 50/50 with his ex. We both work from home so are able to juggle this between us. Even though we share his child equally, my partner has always paid his ex £450 a month to pay for things such as hobbies, school uniforms, school dinners etc. This is because it is a parent portal pay app and it is easier for it all to be done by one person (she was happy with this). Sometimes there wouldn’t be anything extra to pay for his child, but he always honoured the £450.

2 months ago we announced our pregnancy and since then his ex has made our lives hell. She has opened a case with the CMS and told them that we never have his child overnight, and therefore she is entitled to huge maintenance payments. The CMS have said that, whilst they understand we are telling them that we have 50/50, they will believe the mother as she claims child benefit on behalf of their child. They have told us to appeal but in the meantime we need to pay massive maintenance bills, which mean we are not going to be able to afford to do much (or anything) for my partners child whilst they are here.

I do understand that most of the time, it is the mother who is fucked by the dad over maintenance, but in this case we are really struggling and it’s very upsetting. We can’t believe that the CMS just agrees with my partners ex without asking for evidence or any sort of proof.

Has anybody been in this situation? We have texts showing his ex acknowledging 50/50 contact, evidence of things we pay for whilst the child is here etc.

I am really struggling mentally with this and how we will cope going forward. It’s putting a huge strain on our relationship as well as finances as we simply cannot afford these payments and to look after my partners child half the time and prepare for our new baby.

We have plenty of messages from her where she acknowledges we have 50% shared care, but according to everything we have read online in the last two weeks, it is almost impossible to overturn the CMS once they have made a decision. Most people end up engaging in a lengthy court and custody battle, meanwhile being forced to pay, and never seeing that money again.

@Propal I empathise. My partner has 50/50, pays for everything for his DC directly, and pays maintenance on top of that voluntarily as he knows DC will suffer if he doesn’t. Difference is he has a CAO which I assume you don’t have.

Your DP needs to appeal, and meantime ring again and speak to someone more senior at CMS. They are notorious for giving out incorrect information due to inexperienced and untrained staff.

Gather all evidence of everything your DP pays for, any texts or other evidence to say child spends the night with you. Anything that could refute her claim of being the resident parent. Things like taking DC to doctor, dentist, extra curricular activities etc.

I’d also be tempted to message her to say you’d like a CAO to formalise the 50/50 arrangement that’s been in place for years, and start mediation.

Your DP can challenge the child benefit. Whilst he would be over the threshold that doesn’t mean he can’t get it transferred to him (and just not receive anything). CMS seem to think whoever has CB is the resident parent, so play her at her own game.

I would also look up the Dads with Kids forum. They are so knowledgeable and were really helpful to myself and DP when going through family court.

If you want to DM me then do x

Go on the CMS calculator. Enter accurate, factual details that can be proved. Pay what that says. Evidence that it has been paid. Remember that the amount that the CMS calculator says is a bare minimum. A good parent will pay half the actual cost of the child and take on 50% of the care.

You can take it to tribunal. BUT decisions do get overturned on appeal. Key with CMS is to be persistent, keep ringing them and arguing your case.

The whole system isn't fit for purpose and isn't child centred at all.

Changing this rule would just be another thing that will be consistently used to deny kids money they are entitled to because NRPs would use it for their own benefit, as they do every other aspect of the system.

It really is shit that your husbands ex is being a dick and lying, but that's not a reason to get the rules changed to benefit the NRP yet again.

Tell her she retracts the claim or you will challenge it and win and pay her fuck all

The CMS calculator is misleading in the case of 50/50 shared care. It says an amount is still due (based on one parent receiving CB). Yet the regs also say that where there is no resident parent then no maintenance is due. The key is proving there is no resident parent. It sounds like OP’s partner already pays his half share for his DC, but the mother is lying to try and claim more.

We pay for everything whilst his child is here, and also pay her £450 to cover things like school dinners, uniform, trips, all of which are on the school portal app. It is also an acknowledgment that my partner wants what is best for his child and to have a good life when they are at their mothers.

She has gamed CMS and falsely said we never have their child, in order to deceive CMS and force my partner to pay her thousands.

Is she poor? What is her income like? I am not saying its any kind of excuse but is she desperate financially

@Arrivapercy No, she has a full time job and is remarried, her husband also works full time, so I can’t imagine she is struggling financially.

We believe she has done this out of spite as we are expecting a baby.

I've heard of people getting their MPs involved with cases like this, some have found them helpful, some not so maybe you could try this.

Put in for a Mandatory Reconsideration online. Attach copies of your messages with his ex that contain evidence that he has his dc overnight. Don't pay any more money until this is resolved. Collect and Pay is very hard to get put on a case even when you have evidence that the NRP isn't paying. Unfair but that's the CMS for you!

OP the most important thing I think is that you don't pay any extra until your appeal is heard/the decision changed. She can't just lie - you can refuse to pay.

Put in a counter claim for child benefit. Gather all evidence that shows its truly 50/50. Also stop all the direct payments to school and pay cms figure for now. Second contacting mp

Your DH is a fool for paying her anything, more than 1 parent can be on the same parent pay account for a child so he could have been paying half via that.

Just had a look on the child benefit website, we don’t have the birth certificate, can we still counter claim?

Correct answer.

This is spot on

get your dh to apply for the child benefit. Def don’t stop overnights, if anything have the child more if you can.

if you need a birth cert you can apply for one from the government website. Takes a couple of days.

Good god please don't stop having the child. What sort of person punishes a child for it's parents action?

You can apply for a birth certificate.
How much is cms sayingyou need to pay?

Go into your account and send them the texts and any evidence you have. Also let them know you're having a baby as that will reduce child maintenance.

CMS determine who is the RP by who receives child benefit and they only accept a court order for proof of shared care 50/50 so your DH would need to go to court to get an order. Where does the child go to school? Whose doctors/dentists are they registered with? As it's those type of things Child benefit use as evidence so if the child is registered everywhere at the mums address then you will be hard pushed to get the child benefit changed over to your DH.

@Propal you have not answered why you are paying care home fees?

Not wanting to be nosey but if they have not money or assets to liquidate the council are obliged to fund, not family. You're mad to pay!

You need to drop the idea it's nearly impossible to overturn and get on with it. Get evidence from the school, from texts, from photos etc.

Ignore what you read, your situation is extremely rare. If only 10% of appeals are successful, that would still give you a good shot as I'd expect more than 90% to be useless dads who don't want to pay at all.

They can’t make you pay so much that you aren’t able to meet your current commitments

Absolutely this. Tell her when you win she’ll wish she was getting the £450 because she’ll be getting absolutely fucking nothing