Huge row with DH over food safety - who is BU?

[namechange294824]

NC'ed on the off chance this is outing!

DH and I are both 34. We've been in the process of moving house over the past 2 months, and are finally in a position to have guests in the house (i.e. we have a dining table and chairs). Moving hasn't been without its challenges and there have been some really stressful bits, but on the whole it's been fairly straightforward, and we don't have kids.

Invited DH's parents (mid/late 60s) to dinner on Tuesday night. I offered to cook. I prepared a starter, a main, and a dessert on Monday night, ready to go in the fridge for ease of serving quickly on Tuesday (I was going to be getting in from work only 20 mins or so before they arrived so it made sense to pre-prepare.) I spent 3.5 hours cooking/baking on Monday, which wiped out my entire post-work evening. No drama; I'd offered to do it, and I enjoy cooking.

But throughout this 3.5 hours DH could not help himself from repeatedly putting his head round the door and being critical - why hadn't I done X? Was I going to bother putting Y in the bin or is it going to be left on the side forever? So on, so forth. I asked him to stop, and he didn't. He probably whinged at me 5 times about separate trivial things whilst I was cooking.

The main dish needed a long while in the oven. It was 9.15pm at this point and he had totally exhausted me with his bitching and griping. I told him I just wanted to shower and go to bed and asked him to take the food out of the oven once the timer went off, which would have been at 10pm.

He did that. But he then failed to put it in the fridge, leaving it out overnight on the countertop. He was watching telly until about midnight, well after the point it would have cooled enough to go in the fridge.

I was so furious in the morning that after a night of whinging and sniping at me he'd not even had the thought to properly put away the food I'd spent so long cooking.

His position: the food's fine, it had foil on it anyway, just crack on and serve it tonight

My position: it's a meat dish (with pork in) and I don't feel comfortable serving it to his parents who are in their 60s after it's been left out overnight in the middle of August

He cancelled the dinner plans, and told his mum it was because we'd had an argument (which we had, I guess, but now I feel really humiliated and almost ashamed that their evening was spoiled because of us).

So... who is BU?

When I make a meat casserole dish -- with beef, lamb or pork I always prepare and cook it one day then leave overnight in the kitchen before reheating and finishing with garnish etc the following day.
It's reheated thoroughly, to boiling point and held there for at least 10 minutes before serving. The flavour is enhanced as the meat will have effectively sat in a narinade overnight.
The only time I might not do this is during a heatwave. The nights are quite cool here ATM. (Cambridgeshire.)

Well one major thing here is him telling his parents that the meal was cancelled because you’d had an argument. Now then, he needs to know you can give any reason for cancellation, explosive diarrhoea, cholera, rickets or whatever weird Victorian disease you can think of, but you must NEVER EVER, tell family that you’ve had an argument, especially parents, don’t give them that gossip, however much you get on with them, they must not know your faults, he needs to know you are a united front, a team and he should have solved this issue and the dinner gone ahead. Make it clear to him that he was being whiney and snitchey and you’re not happy with that behaviour, it needs to change, keep an eye on that part of him, it’s never attractive. But your young, it my be teething trouble, he may learn.

Now the next thing is pre cooking pork to reheat the next day, that’s if it had actually made it to the fridge. When I was little any meat was over cooked beyond recognition because people were worried about eating undercooked meat, and pork, well that was the worst. My mum used to cook it so that literally zero moisture was present in it, it was so chewy it hurt your jaw, even worse if you were late in and the whole dinner was left under a low light in the oven with a plate covering it, to keep warm and dry out even more lol. So just wondering what pork dish you could reheat that wouldn’t be really dry OP? However I’d wager it was something delicious and your cooking skills are better that 30 years ago.

Incidentally even though I was raised with stews left out and reheated and I survived, I know more about bacteria now, so wouldn’t have risked it.

And must be protected from rank meat.

Leave him to cook for his parents next time.

I’d not want reheated pork never mind reheated pork left out all night. Jeez. It’s good you both cancelled, although his childish reason was simply embarassing. He’s like a child.

You should have bought a ready meal to replace that element of the meal for the three of you, but made him eat the dish that had been left out, as an experiment.

What's wrong with re-heated pork?

If it was winter and the kitchen was freezing then I'd might take a chance. Not in the summer.

Well you know for next time. You don't cook or he does, or he can buy a takeaway. He's a dick OP.

It's a bit surprising to see so many posters unaware of basic food prep and cooking.

It's not a good idea to leave a MEAT casserole out of the oven for 8 hours IN AUGUST then reheat it.

Some, or most of the time, you will get away with this but there will be a time when you won't.

So it's not worth the risk giving it to people over 65.

OP you should have sent him out to buy a meal deal or whatever .

His cancelling was the worst of all of this because really, he was at fault for ruining the dinner.

You do realise you’ve got all the armchair experts googling like mad now don’t you !! Stay tuned for the smarty pants that finds one !!

My suggestions are lactic acid bacteria but they don't make you ill they just make the food taste unpleasant (faster in starchy food than something proteinaceous like meat, not over night, I've grown the feckers) or fungi but they take a few days to get going.
It really depends how long the meat was cooked for initially but quite long by the sounds of it.

Pork is no more dangerous than any other meat.

But also, it's hardly been a boiling hot August. It was 10 degrees here last night.

My stomach has got more sensitive as I've got closer to 60. I took a chance on pork left out in May and it went through me, coming out both ends. I could have easily eaten it when younger. I'm also finding I need antibiotics to shift chest infections. Which is why if serving anyone around 60, ask them. It should have went into the fridge when cold.

Why did you offer to do everything while he basically supervised you? I'd learn from that and not set myself up for that scenario again. He sounds as if he got completely stressed out about his parents coming over and would have been better keeping himself busy.

Pork is one of the worst meats to reheat.

studyplex.org/blog/can-you-reheat-pork/#:~:text=Avoid%20reheating%20pork%20more%20than,can%20lead%20to%20food%20poisoning.

I would have eaten it myself but I wouldn't have served it someone else (other than DH) just in case.

I'd have rang your MIL myself and told her the real reason her son rang to cancel though, and re-arrange, but arrange it on a day where you aren't rushing round so much, or just have something simple!

This is so silly.

The OP says she likes cooking.

My DH can hardly cook a thing.
He's brilliant at DIY, decorating, anything electrical, car maintenance, etc.

I am a good cook. I like cooking. I cook for us and guests.

60's is not 'elderly'!

Maybe read and learn before you post?

We aren’t in Athens (I wish!) - we’re in Birmingham

If you're late 60s and end up in hospital with food poisoning you may be worse off than a 34 year old, with recovery times.

How is this about you?

What would happen to a restaurant’s food safety rating if they were found to be leaving cooked meats out overnight?

What?

I'm replying to the posters how think the OP's husband should cook because they are his parents.

I'm pointing out that some couples share chores and it's not odd for one to do the cooking .

Is that okay with you?

In a cool kitchen I would be fine with putting it in the fridge first thing in the morning when it was properly cold.

Why is them being 60 relevant?

That's a US link, judging by the spelling of 'flavorful'. As many have already pointed out, there are different hygiene considerations over there because of their factory farming methods and other systemic differences from the UK.

I also see a major difference between cooking something in the oven, turning the oven off and taking the food out at (say) noon on a boiling hot day, leaving the meat out in a very warm room for many hours and only then putting it in the fridge - vs taking it out of the oven at 10pm, leaving it in the unheated kitchen overnight with the room temperature dropping all the time, and putting it in the fridge at about 6am.