SIL ignores messages on group chat

[21andcountingtoday]

We have a family group chat and SIL always ignores my messages. I will send pics of family outings and she’ll literally reply to BIL’s messages after mine but completely ignore mine.

I’m baffled as to why she’s doing this. We couldn’t look after her pets a few years ago due to family illness and I wonder if she’s still upset about this? Or….whether she doesn’t want to see my pictures as I’ve got three kids and she desperately wanted another one but couldn’t have one? I do truly understand how difficult secondary infertility is having gone through it myself…

Or MIL and I don’t get on, so are they conspiring together?

I just find it really sad. I set up the group in the first place to unite us. She posts on it all the time with family pics and I always reply really positively so what the hell is her problem?

I want to communicate with BIL for the sake of my kids so that my kids have a connection with their cousins. DH is resigned to the fact that SIL is a bitch. He can’t work her out and just thinks she doesn’t like either of us…DH has done nothing to upset SIL. He has literally bent over backwards to be kind to her over the years.

Its upsetting me, and I find it incredibly rude to completely bypass my messages but then reply in depth to BIL’s message received a few hours later….

I think it’d be strange to cut communication on the group chat and start a new one with just BIL, but since this is the only channel we’ve got should I continue to use it or just never post? DH is terrible at sending pics etc and I feel like if I didn’t we just wouldn’t keep in touch at all. Set up this channel for the sake of my kids but they aren’t actually getting anything out of this so don’t know why I’m bothering.

@MintyNew I don’t know if I have the energy for it. I think it might be easier to draw a line and never respond on WhatsApp again? Rather than responding to BIL only?

But then that would let her know that she got to you/scared you off. Don't let people treat you this way, she is just another woman not some big important figure in the world.
If BIL is good to you, then return the favour. Stop replying to anything she posts as well.

Thank you @MintyNew x

I think yabu.

You say that she is nice and chatty to you in person but isn’t the same when it comes to messaging. I would go off that experience vs messaging where you can’t detect tone and it is easy to assume there is an issue when there may not be. It reads more like you and SIL simply have different ways of messaging and because she doesn’t do it like you do or want, you are assuming she has an issue with you. It is not her responsibility to give you the relationship you desire from her due to your own personal circumstances.

I get on with both of my SILs and enjoy their company when we are together. We’re all from different countries and we like to catch up and chat about things in person, but with messaging, we rarely talk to each other unless to ask about birthdays and Christmas. My DH’s sister posts quite a bit on Facebook whereas me and BIL’s wife don’t (BIL does the photo posting) but we both like and heart her photos and may leave a message here and there but not for every single post.

Even if you're family it doesn't mean you have to like each other.

Just post what you want to post, reply to who you want to reply to but stop trying to be a sickly sweet suck up.

@beanii lol Thank you for your directness. I’ll try to stop being a ‘sickly sweet suck up’ 👍

So it’s your DH his mother and his siblings and you in the group chat? Do either of the siblings have partners? If so
why are they not in the chat? I’d stop posting and leave it to your DH to maintain these relationships if he wants to