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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family holiday drama

828 replies

familydrama1 · 21/08/2024 21:36

So we are due to go on holiday next year with family. We invited my parents, they booked their own room - they then invited my nephew (who is 17). My brother didn't pay for my nephew or even offer to pay for their place.

I found out I was pregnant recently and can't book the baby's space until they are born. Also there will be no spaces as, the baby is due 4 months before the holiday. Anyone we trust with our child will be on that holiday. We need to take my nephew off the booking and change it to the baby when they are born.

AIBU to take my nephew off the booking (I have spoken to my parents about this and they understand) but I know my brother won't be happy and it will cause drama. Or should just not go and lose thousands 😣

Need an outside perspective pleaseeee

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
HotDogHotDiggityDog · 21/08/2024 22:52

Hello, I'm a travel agent who specialises in cruise.
Firstly, you absolutely can add on the baby before they are born, they just go down as TBA and you confirm the name once they are born.

I would be absolutely astounded if the ship is already at capacity for next year, this is highly unlikely. I would also find it highly unlikely you would lose thousands with it being next year, your final balance won't be due yet so most cruise lines would allow you to amend for a fee. Which cruise line is it you are due to sail with and I can probably offer you more specific advice? As previous posters have said some cruise lines, P&O being one of them off the top of my head, only allow a certain amount of children per age group so swapping a teenager for a baby wouldn't work anyway.

Are you also aware of the rules of babies going on cruises without being potty trained? They would not be allowed in the pools unless there is a toddler splash area. If the ship you currently have booked doesn't have this, could be worth looking into amending to one that does?

mellowfell · 21/08/2024 22:52

You're going to have to book another room for your own family. Even if your parents don't come, you will still have to do that!

You don't have to wait for the baby to be born to book another room, book another room on behalf of your husband and add the baby in that room.

Febmama23 · 21/08/2024 22:52

Yes you are being unreasonable, everyone is saying the same thing, you asked the question yet you’re not listening so what’s the point of your post? For people to agree with you?

Original poster
familydrama1 · 21/08/2024 22:52

I did not invite my parents for an extra hand this was only supposed to be my little family's holiday and people wanted to come on my husbands side, so we made it a big family holiday actually and I invited my parents to come.

There are multiple adults going - so it's not free childcare or extra hands. I am not using my parents, how ridiculous.

OP posts:
Codlingmoths · 21/08/2024 22:52

MultiplaLight · 21/08/2024 22:05

What cruise are you going on with 4 kids under 6? Asking so I don't end up on the same one.

Book another room. One adult per room is fine. You just don't want nephew there.

The op has done you a favour, since any cruise that admits children could have hundreds of them under 6. So now she’s - gasp- highlighted that some might belong to the same parents (horror! Shock! 4 CHILDREN!!) , and you’ve finally realised that means there could be multiple children and know to stay away.

Bogginsthe3rd · 21/08/2024 22:54

Evidently

Family holiday drama
3luckystars · 21/08/2024 22:55

Book another room for your husband, say he snores and then add the baby to his room when the baby arrives.

CheeseDreamsTonight · 21/08/2024 22:55

But why can't you book a room in your husbands name and then add baby at a later date?

CountessWindyBottom · 21/08/2024 22:57

None of this is adding up @familydrama1.

Given the amount of adults in the party you simply add an extra room and assign an adult to that room.

I don't believe you have spoken to the cruise company at all. I also believe that your baby will be four months and you're going to try and pass it off as a six month old. And I also think this is mainly about being cruel to your nephew because you dislike your brother.

Is there even a cruise?

PrincessScarlett · 21/08/2024 22:57

Just book another room. These situations must come up all the time for cruise companies. It really can't be that difficult to accommodate an unborn baby in a booking surely.

LlamaNoDrama · 21/08/2024 22:58

Why can't you pay for another room? Just book it for one adult then add the baby when it's born. Are they going to stop you booking a room for an adult?

Even better book one now for your dh and two children. Then you can have the other room with your other child and baby and relieve the GPs of their every night overnight babysitting duty.

How do you intend to cancel your newphew off a booking you haven't even made and paid for anyway?

Sleep10 · 21/08/2024 22:58

Could you book another room and put one of the other DC in there with either yourself or DH then add the baby onto one of the rooms when born be an option?

If your mum is scared of you DB not speaking to her again, even more reason not to remove your DN from the holiday.

mellowfell · 21/08/2024 22:58

Even if everyone drops out and you end up with your original family holiday plan, you are still going to have to pay for another room. So book another room and put your DH in there or yourself and add baby once born. Simple.

Birdingbear · 21/08/2024 22:59

I'd have thought a 4 month old baby would need a cot, in your room so any holiday place should be able to accommodate this as the baby doesn't need a bed.

I'd contact the place you've booked with and explain and see your options. It's very unfair for your nephew, however if it came to the crunch and nothing could be sorted then I wouldn't hesitate to remove him from the booking.

rainydays03 · 21/08/2024 22:59

Regardless, who goes on a cruise with 4 kids under 6? Sounds absolutely horrendous for them

TheChanChanMan · 21/08/2024 23:00

OP you keep saying your parents didn't ask you about the nephew, but why would that have been an issue BEFORE you found out you were pregnant? Surely it made no difference to you, why are you so bothered they didn't ask you first, would you have said no incase I fall pregnant?

HazelLion · 21/08/2024 23:00

How do you figure you have the authority to cancel your nephew off your parent's booking?

You can't cancel someone else's hotel room that they have booked and paid for themselves and this is no different...

3luckystars · 21/08/2024 23:01

CountessWindyBottom · 21/08/2024 22:57

None of this is adding up @familydrama1.

Given the amount of adults in the party you simply add an extra room and assign an adult to that room.

I don't believe you have spoken to the cruise company at all. I also believe that your baby will be four months and you're going to try and pass it off as a six month old. And I also think this is mainly about being cruel to your nephew because you dislike your brother.

Is there even a cruise?

I’m wondering about this.

HelpmyDCbecomefinanciallysavvy · 21/08/2024 23:01

@CountessWindyBottom

‘And I also think this is mainly about being cruel to your nephew because you dislike your brother.’

I agree OP seems to have wanted to justify her proposed treatment bumping nephew off the cruise (which OP had nothing to do with because PIL’s paid) however, everyone agrees that OP is treating nephew badly in this scenario.

ThinWomansBrain · 21/08/2024 23:02

Sound like the OP was TTC and invited parents in case she wanted free childcare and a week or so of uninterrupted sleep.
Do parents know you've assumed that they want to look after a few months old baby, or have decided to uninvite their grandson?

sounds bloody odd to invite the niece and not (presumably) her brother.
I expect your parents were embarrassed by your behaviour - and that's without the latest twist in the saga by cancelling his place that your parents have paid for.

Thunderpants88 · 21/08/2024 23:03

This is such a frustrating post to wade through.

op it doesn’t sound like you actually want any advice just people to tell you you are being totally reasonable to kick your nephew off the trip. No one is going to agree with that as it is cruel. You could say to the Dad due to the circumstances you will need them to contribute to the cost of the room but other than that you cancel and book a different cruise date that can accommodate the baby.

HMW1906 · 21/08/2024 23:05

You can book another room for either yourself or your husband and 1 of your other children and then add the baby on once it’s born. There is no reason the cruise company will say you can’t do this.

Why would your parents need to ask permission to invite nephew. They’ve paid for their own room so you have absolutely no say in who sleeps in it.

lemonslimesandallthingsnice · 21/08/2024 23:05

If you are travelling next year you won't lose thousands. You'll lose your deposit paid. Or you'll have the option to amend to a different sailing that has a suitable cabin available. You can also wait list for a bigger cabin and when it becomes available you'll be contacted.
I highly doubt all cabins from inside grade right up to the suites are sold out and suspect this is more a case of not wanting to fork out the additional expense.
You can also add baby on, pay for them which is usually £129ish and put the name as TBA until baby arrives. This applies to airlines and cruise ships.
You need to go back to your agent or the cruise line and get correct information

mrsm43s · 21/08/2024 23:06

familydrama1 · 21/08/2024 22:49

Everyone's room is full.

Also, i have spoken to the cruise line. They said we CANNOT add this child to the booking or PAY for another room until the baby is born. Which will be 6 months before we sail. The ship is nearly at full capacity already with only suites currently left. You don't understand that the school holiday cruises get booked up quickly as children tend to go slightly cheaper.

I have thought of every way possibly and this is the only way to do it that makes sense.

We were going to pay for 2 rooms initially but my parents offered to take a child in their room so we didn't have to. Then my mum invited my nephew without asking me. I believe she only did this to invite my nephew with her. Because if my brother found out she was going on holiday without taking one of his kids, he will probably not talk to my parents and my mum is scared of him.

You were going to book (and pay for) two rooms originally, but your Mum was happy to have your daughter in the room with her, saving you the cost of a room. The fourth space in the room isn't and has never been yours since you didn't pay for that room.

You now need another space, so need to pay for another room. You in one room with 2 children, your DH in the other with your other 2 children.

You can't fit your whole family in one room, so you need to pay for two rooms!

Your Mum is entitled to choose who shares her room that she pays for, and she's quite reasonably chosen your nephew.

You're being colossally unreasonable.

PurpleFlower1983 · 21/08/2024 23:07

Just book another cabin for your husband as you originally planned. Obviously not ideal to have to separate but needs must.

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