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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family holiday drama

828 replies

familydrama1 · 21/08/2024 21:36

So we are due to go on holiday next year with family. We invited my parents, they booked their own room - they then invited my nephew (who is 17). My brother didn't pay for my nephew or even offer to pay for their place.

I found out I was pregnant recently and can't book the baby's space until they are born. Also there will be no spaces as, the baby is due 4 months before the holiday. Anyone we trust with our child will be on that holiday. We need to take my nephew off the booking and change it to the baby when they are born.

AIBU to take my nephew off the booking (I have spoken to my parents about this and they understand) but I know my brother won't be happy and it will cause drama. Or should just not go and lose thousands 😣

Need an outside perspective pleaseeee

OP posts:
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5
leftorrightnow · 21/08/2024 22:21

There are two options to explain this thread as I see it:

either this post is a joke

or

the OP at one and the same time wants reassurance that she’s not about to do something terribly rude and unbecoming, and yet, doesn’t actually truly care about whether what she does is right or wrong, but only about how it’s perceived by others.

let me solve it for you, OP, you’re being quite selfish and not fooling anyone. If you don’t care much for your family, why plan a holiday with them in the first place?

MigGril · 21/08/2024 22:21

Op if the curse is full and you can't book another cabin see if they will let you change the holiday to a latter date where there would be an extra cabin available. You may have to pay an admin fee as well but at lest this way everyone will get to go on the curse. Your baby will be slightly older and you'll maybe have a more relaxing holiday.

It's not unusual for people to have to rearrange holidays like this my auntie and uncle have had to rearrange several cruise mainly due to health problems.

EasterIssland · 21/08/2024 22:21

jamsandwiched · 21/08/2024 22:17

Or maybe she could go and dh can stay at home with his baby.

Show quote history

From one of ops comments they’re going with DHs family originally and op after that invited her side of the family.

can’t you add the baby to DHs family’s rooms?

BrieHugger · 21/08/2024 22:22

Invisimamma · 21/08/2024 22:18

Sounds like the op is too tight trying to avoid paying for an extra room and what's to bump DN for his holiday instead.

Yes, she’s panicking. Thought she could fit all five of her household in by inviting her parents and putting one kid with them, but now she’ll need to offload two kids or pay for an extra room.

OP - the in-laws - could they take one of your children to solve this crisis that you’ve caused?

Awrite · 21/08/2024 22:23

I suspect your parents asked your nephew to go as some sort of emotional crutch. Or a helping hand. Poor parents. Poor nephew.

You sound mercenary.

lunar1 · 21/08/2024 22:23

Your nephews place has been paid for by his grandparents, what right do you have to cancel it?

It's certainly not his fault you added to the numbers. I've never heard of a holiday that would count an infant in this way.

LBFseBrom · 21/08/2024 22:23

TurksAndCaicos · 21/08/2024 21:43

Personally I think it would be outrageous to remove your nephew from the booking. You just can’t do that I don’t think.

I agree. Why should your nephew be disappointed? No doubt he is looking forward to the holiday, who pays for him is not relevant. Grandparents often treat their grandchildren but, whatever, one would not expect a seventeen year old to pay for himself. Presumably your parents invited the boy.

Personally I would not go on that type of holiday with such.a young baby, would prefer somewhere peaceful, on dry land, without a lot of people around. As others have said, the baby will sleep in your room and need your attention a lot of the time. It could well be very stressful for you and you might not feel all that well four months postpartum, many women don't. However you know yourself better than any of us.

I'm surprised your parents agree with you - or do they? It's possible they just nodded affirmatively at your suggestion, as people often do, and said quite a bit about it in private.

Do you not like your nephew? At 17 he would get a lot more out of the holiday than your baby and it would be something happy to look back on in years to come.

Maarva · 21/08/2024 22:23

There is no family holiday drama. Just pay for the right number of rooms for your family.

farfromideal · 21/08/2024 22:24

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BakewellGin1 · 21/08/2024 22:25

Poor DN. I'm pleased I'm not related to you.

If GP gave paid for a room and chosen to take DN this is not their problem

You chose to get pregnant so it's your problem not theirs. They are already it appears doing you a huge favour by having an under 6 in their room (which I would not be offering to do at all so they are going above and beyond in my eyes)

Book a further room, your or DH be the lead adult for that booking. Gives more space all round.

Or send a DC in with DH parents too and put baby in yours. Can't imagine rooms being huge and all those under 6 together is my idea of he'll

Tel12 · 21/08/2024 22:25

If the cruise is next year then surely there will be lots of cancellations in the interim?

LateAF · 21/08/2024 22:25

familydrama1 · 21/08/2024 21:48

This is the only way otherwise we will lose thousands. My mum decided to invite my nephew after we invited them. We are going with my husbands family

Can't one of your children go in with your husband's parents? So nephew doesn't have to be uninvited (which would be unfair).

Branster · 21/08/2024 22:25

Bit of a shit holiday for your parents. It sounds like they've only been invited for childcare duties. And now they'll have to look after a baby as well. They, generosity, invite the nephew (probably nice company, independent lad who doesn't require childcare) but you're having a dramatic tantrum about it because it doesn't work for your own needs.
Just book another room for your DH and let him have up to 3 children share with him. Change the dates if availability is an issue. Maybe your parents can go as originally planned, with nephew, and actually enjoy the trip. You go later with in-laws, DH and your own 4 children.

Notonthestairs · 21/08/2024 22:26

"We invited my parents, they booked their own room - they then invited my nephew (who is 17)."

So you haven't paid for your parents room - you've just decided who should go in it?

Flopsy145 · 21/08/2024 22:26

Can you not book another room with your name and baby and leave husband on current room booking with your other children then figure out the logistics and who's where when you get nearer the date?

Staunchlystarling · 21/08/2024 22:27

It does look like you only invited your parents so you could get a kid in their room. I’m guessing the In-laws have told you to jog on with that idea?

PadstowGirl · 21/08/2024 22:28

I love that a PP called the holiday "a curse" rather than a "cruise". Just about the most accurate typo ever.
You can't bump nephew though! That's beyond mean, especially since you didn't pay his fare. How about your DH doesn't go. You stay with your DCs, your Mum stays with a few of your other kids and Nephew can share a room with his grandad. 😊.

Tahlbias · 21/08/2024 22:28

leftorrightnow · 21/08/2024 22:21

There are two options to explain this thread as I see it:

either this post is a joke

or

the OP at one and the same time wants reassurance that she’s not about to do something terribly rude and unbecoming, and yet, doesn’t actually truly care about whether what she does is right or wrong, but only about how it’s perceived by others.

let me solve it for you, OP, you’re being quite selfish and not fooling anyone. If you don’t care much for your family, why plan a holiday with them in the first place?

For childcare!

Hereforaglance · 21/08/2024 22:28

Are you thinking the baby will have the nephews room or something you are making zero sense and sounding very entitled surely there is a massive difference between a 17yr old who will appreciate the opportunity of a cruise and a 4 to 6 month old baby who will make a cruise very stressful for all concerned

Anotherdayanotherdollar · 21/08/2024 22:28

Will your 17yr old nephew not be 18 (an adult) next year? Could you not rebook him into another room? Failing the very obvious solutions of you and dh taking a room and 2 kids each?

And you do realise that you won't be down thousands if you don't go? You'll be down a cruise. You've already decided that you're spending the money!

redbluegreenyellowbrown · 21/08/2024 22:30

do you realise that cruise ships dont have "child" places?

They have spaces for 6 - 24months
spaces for 2 - 4 year olds
spaces for 4 - 6 year old etc etc.

Have you even checked that there is a baby space available? because taking a teenager off a booking does NOT mean there is space for a child (or baby) of a different age?

You also might need a different cabin as its due to lifeboat capacity etc etc so you cant necessarily swap easily even if there are spaces on the ship.

and of course if your baby which was due 4m before is not 6m old on the day you depart it wont be allowed on board full stop. (5m and 29 days will not be allowed to board)

jamsandwiched · 21/08/2024 22:32

If you book another room are you going to be hostile and resent your nephew for being there?
Why haven't you answered if you're in-laws an have a child in with them?

Alexahelp · 21/08/2024 22:33

Bogginsthe3rd · 21/08/2024 22:13

Will the baby be cruising at 6 months or just crawling do you think?

This is the best response so far…!

Merryoldgoat · 21/08/2024 22:34

This was an unexpectedly fun read.

Bogginsthe3rd · 21/08/2024 22:34

Did you threaten to overrule him OP?

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