Massive argument with dp

[Lacky301]

I know I'm not an easy person to deal with I do have autism and adhd.
Me and dp do have alot of stress in our own ways and sometimes dp is a bit quiet etc and can be a little moody at time as can I.
This morning we both have to be in work for 7am and I always do dp his sandwiches for work and make him porridge then drop him at work then I shoot off to work. I know I know but dp will cook tea for me.
Anyway dp isn't the best in the mornings anyway as he's usually tired but this morning I needed to leave earlier as I had to drop something off somewhere and on prompting dp to get moving in a nice manner he snapped at me why early I had already explained the night before to dp I needed to leave earlier on the morning.
Anyway when it was time to leave I said we can give it few more minutes and dp was acting very surly and said he's ready now so I snapped and said everything I do run here run there and you treat me like shit and should apologise once in the car This ended up with dp shouting to stop the car so he can get out and walk to work so I swore at him and let him out he slammed the car door and threw his bag across the grass and said I won't see him ever again.
Was I in the wrong here.

If they were on here giving their view would it be the same as yours?

Look this was much ado above it nothing.

let it go you were both snappy

Ask yourself will it matter a year from now? If the answer is no then let it go

Anyway, sounds like you're both immature and have anger issues.

Much ado about nothing!

I know we are really stupid

Is he ADHD too? Or depressed? Sounds like you're both drama llamas and need to chill.

That's interesting because I feel like dp doesn't see how he comes across sometimes and I shouted this out to him and said you never apologise he bawled at me and asked what would he be apologising for.

He does get down yes he is also extremely sensitive to any form of critism anything really.

Maybe it's time you both moved on.

Nice bit of projection here. From what you are saying, sounds like he was a bit moody (understandable, I am not a morning person myself) and asked you why so early. Then told you that he was ready and you exploded at him for literally zero reason.
What should he apologise for, exactly? You were the one shouting at him.
And why is it his problem that you are running around doing stuff? Did he ask you to do an extra task of dropping something off?

And I don't think leading with your diagnosis was appropriate. I am autistic but I don't act like this and I don't want you to imply that autism is in any way an excuse for this behaviour.

"Anyway when it was time to leave I said we can give it few more minutes and dp was acting very surly and said he's ready now so I snapped and said everything I do run here run there and you treat me like shit and should apologise once in the car"

I dont get this, you said that there are a few minutes to spare, he said he is ready to go and then you snapped and went off on onw accusing him of treating you like shit?
How utterly bizarre.

Has he always been such a drama queen 🙄 tell him to get a taxi next time if he feels so inconvenienced by having to leave slightly earlier. I don't care if anyone isn't a morning person, doesn't justify being a twat

He was been awkward because I'd woken him up early and that annoyed me

It doesn't sound like he said or did anything wrong other being tired and grumpy you had to leave early, which is kind of understandable. 7am start at work seems brutal!
I think you could have done without swearing at him and chucking his bag out, but hopefully you'll both get over it. I'd say you've both got an apology to make, but you moreso than him.

I read it as the DP threw his bag, not OP.

Hmm, from this it sounds as if you are feeling resentful of your h, and this came out this morning.

His behaviour doesn't sound great. If you're doing him the favour of driving him to work then he needs to be willing to get up early if you need to leave early!

And his response 'you will never see me again' is childish and immature.

You say he's bad at accepting criticism. That's not a good sign either. It sounds as if you're walking on eggshells around him. Is that right?

It doesn't sound like a healthy relationship.

He threw his own bag on the floor? Did he stomp his foot too? I don't think I could stop myself from laughing at that tbh

No I dont get why you went off on one when he said he was ready to go and you still had a few minutes to spare.

@Clownwithafrown yeah, it's not that clear who threw it actually is it? Well throwing your own bag is silly but throwing someone else's is worse.

You were both unreasonable.

The relationship sounds toxic.

I can't see what he's done wrong or why you laid into him?

You wanted to leave early, he complied and was ready with time to spare. What's the issue and why did you feel the need to shout at him?

I can see why he'd get cross and tell you to stop the car so he could go out if you were having a go at him for no reason and demanding an apology, when he was ready early as asked and doesn't seem to have done anything wrong.

I think you owe him an apology for shouting at him, and need to learn to control your temper better and not fly off the handle. If you are unhappy about the division of chores/labour etc then that needs to be addressed by a calm, respectful conversation (although I think if you do breakfast in exchange for him doing dinner, you're getting the easier end of the meal prep sharing tbh).

If it’s an adult I think you gently try and wake someone up once - then you crack on with your morning. If that means leaving without them then so be it. It isn’t reasonable for someone to use ‘not the best in the morning’ as an excuse for outsourcing basic self care to someone else.

maintaining a basic self care routine - going to bed on time so you have enough sleep + getting yourself up and dressed in the morning is an extremely basic life skill. Don’t do any more of it for him.

I didn't go off on one straight away at that point it was his stroppiness and how he went to the front door and out to the car with a attitude. I started in the car.

Anyway when it was time to leave I said we can give it few more minutes and dp was acting very surly and said he's ready now so I snapped

That would have pissed me off, too.

It sounds like you were on at him to be ready earlier than usual. He was a bit grumpy. Then he was ready but you then decided you could wait a few minutes.
Why didn't you just head out of the door?

To be honest, I'd be stroppy with you too if you were on my back first thing in the morning to hurry up when I wasnt even late!

You both need to grow up and chill TF out though. I cant imagine acting like this.