Massive argument with dp

[Lacky301]

I know I'm not an easy person to deal with I do have autism and adhd.
Me and dp do have alot of stress in our own ways and sometimes dp is a bit quiet etc and can be a little moody at time as can I.
This morning we both have to be in work for 7am and I always do dp his sandwiches for work and make him porridge then drop him at work then I shoot off to work. I know I know but dp will cook tea for me.
Anyway dp isn't the best in the mornings anyway as he's usually tired but this morning I needed to leave earlier as I had to drop something off somewhere and on prompting dp to get moving in a nice manner he snapped at me why early I had already explained the night before to dp I needed to leave earlier on the morning.
Anyway when it was time to leave I said we can give it few more minutes and dp was acting very surly and said he's ready now so I snapped and said everything I do run here run there and you treat me like shit and should apologise once in the car This ended up with dp shouting to stop the car so he can get out and walk to work so I swore at him and let him out he slammed the car door and threw his bag across the grass and said I won't see him ever again.
Was I in the wrong here.

How often are you fighting like this? It sounds absolutely exhausting. I get that everyone in relationships communicates differently but all this snapping and sniping and shouting and losing your rag over absolutely nothing just doesn't sound healthy.

It sounds like the kind of silly bickering that used to go on of a morning between me and my siblings while my mam tried to wrangle us for school. You know, when we were children. Not the behaviour of a healthy adult relationship.

He threw his own bag

You waited to go off at him when he couldnt get away from you. You absolutely are the one at fault here. That's abusive.

He was ready early like you asked.

Stop using ADHD and autism as excuses for treating people like verbal punching bags too.

You both sound insufferable and impossible to deal with. Please end this relationship.

He annoyed me with his attitude I don't say I'm a saint by any means

You don’t have to be a saint, just realise you were in the wrong and apologise.

you got him up early, then refused to leave when you were both ready, then waited until he was in the car to have a go at him. If you were a man you’d be called abusive.

own it, apologise, move on

So learn how to regulate your emotions. It's not his job to do it for you.
If you know you are not a saint, I don't understand why you can't just back down and accept that the way you dealt with this situation was unacceptable.

No matter how moody your partner might be, behaving like an absolute knob isn't going to help you to resolve this unfortunate quality of his.

Wasn't screaming at him just raised voice

So it's ok to be abusive to your partner because you are annoyed. OK will let Women's Aid know they have been doing it all wrong.

He wasn't screaming at you, he was grumpy about getting up earlier than usual. He was still ready on time and you still trapped him in a car and screamed at him.

Roles reversed there would be a bunch of replies telling you to leave him immediately before he starts hitting you.

He's an adult, he can be surly/have a bit of an attitude. You do sound controlling. He shifted himself to get out of the door, but that still wasn't good enough for you.

Raising your voice is also not OK in this circumstance.

Are you going to accept you're in the the wrong and apologise to your DP? And control your temper in future?

But his reaction was 10 x worse than mine tbh he was bawling like a crazed banshee slammed my car door threw his bag several yards.

"Wasn't screaming at him just raised voice"
When the person driving is losing control, it's scary, male or female. It's classic abusive behaviour.

It's true I need to work on myself but so does he

That was after you had a go at him, though. He hasn't started the morning this way. Nobody is saying he is a saint but he is not the one who started this thread (or this argument), is he?
I am interested in what you wanted to achieve by posting here. You clearly think you are in the right so there was no point posting in AIBU

OP didn't scream at him though nor trap him in the car.

OP, it sounds like there may be some resentment simmering for all you do for him in the mornings and so you got snappy when he was grumpy. If he can walk to work anyway, maybe it'd be better to just do morning routines separately and then share cooking dinner? I think with your set up, I'd just end up feeling like his mother. You actually do more for him than I do for my 12 yo DS!

Because he was reacting to your appalling, abusive behaviour. Do you really not get that?

Your behaviour was unwarranted and disproportionate and he didn't deserve it.
His reaction was, whilst not ideal, an understandable reaction to having been trapped in the car and unreasonably shouted at.

Yes. Obviously, and not while staying together. That ship has sailed.

I do everything except cooking his tea as we want different meals but he does cook for me sometimes.

And which one of those is within your control?

Some absolutely insane replies on here.

But his reaction was 10 x worse than mine tbh he was bawling like a crazed banshee slammed my car door threw his bag several yards.

That sounds horrible, whatever the circumstances.

Why are you with him?

The 'you'll never see me again' comment made me laugh though 😂

Ah, so he only cooks for you sometimes - I was assuming he was doing 100% of cooking in exchange for sandwiches, porridge, lift to work! I think you're doing too much for him and should take a step back on that. I also don't think it sounds like you were abusive.