AIBU thinking of leaving an "ok" relationship

[summerwentaway]

Been with DP for several years and there are a few things bothering me. On the whole I do enjoy spending time with him and he is probably my favourite person but I keep having niggles of is this all my life is going to be. One big thing is that he never treats me to anything, never bought a dinner out that wasn't 50/50 or my treat, doesn't buy thoughtful things like a chocolate bar or favourite wine from the shop and would ask me to pay more for food shop if I bought a few toiletries of my own etc. He doesn't split the household chores and I do the daily grind while he will cut the grass and odd DIY job when required. We rarely go out with my friends and family but see his family on a weekly basis. It was my birthday last week and he got me a gift but didn't wish me happy birthday on the day and was irritated that it upset me when I raised it. I know things could be a lot worse and he does have good qualities but I'm almost fantasizing about a relationship with someone who appreciates me more, yet wondering if I am being high maintenance?

Better to go alone than badly accompanied

can’t see the point in this relationship

I think your partner should be your number one fan and enjoy giving and receiving love in the way that makes relationships feel
good

Oh god leave. You deserve so much better.

You’ve left! Hooray!

Get rid

You’ve definitely done the right thing

it didn’t sound like this relationship was enhancing your life in anyway

and that bit about saying your high maintenance over the birthday sounds like gas lighting to me. Your instincts are right

Oh my gosh, is he the same person? My now ex is a weed smoker and I have obviously realised over the last year other abusive behaviours too... His reaction to the break up was to initially love bomb me and try to get me to stay while also manipulating all the relationship problems to be my fault anytime we tried to discuss. He wanted to go to counselling but I just felt he wasn't taking accountability for his actions. I had to end it again as he had assumed I was staying just because we started to discuss fixing things and since then have been screamed at and now finally ignored in house and blocked on all forms of contact!

Unfortunately I think a lot of weed smokers end up quite apathetic about everything.
It was the tightness and the never taking responsibility for any problems and turning it all on me, I am not high maintenance by any means.
I broke up with him because he wouldn’t tell me if/ when we would see each other at Christmas the week before, not much to ask, I realised we had nothing booked for the future, not Christmas, not a holiday, not a trip, and was partly because he was tight and partly because he couldn’t be bothered and with hindsight because he couldn’t go anywhere he wouldn’t be able to smoke.
might explain why he wouldn’t see your family?
also turned horrible abusive after we split, was still messaging me trying to manipulate and get a reaction 18 months later.
with hindsight I wish I had left so much earlier.
I felt so alone with him it really damaged my self esteem more than any other relationship.

Never accept the mediocre - if it's not right now, it won't be right 10 years later. 👍