Can’t make a decision on taking his name

[PoptartBarry]

Name change for this one (ha!)

I am getting married in one week and I still can’t make up my mind about changing my name. It’s driving me a bit mad so I want your opinions.

Have any of you changed your name and regretted it? Have any of you regretted NOT changing your name?

My surname is ‘foreign’ to English speakers, long and tricky for English speakers to pronounce so I’m not considering a double barrel. It would be too much!

Does anyone keep their maiden name at work and use their ‘married’ name in their private life? How do you feel about it now?

YABU = stop overthinking and change the name!

YANBU = no way, keep your own name!

Would love to hear your lived experiences.

I just wish all options were normalised. We had this discussion with some friends, and all those who didn't change their names or at least considered not changing had pressure from husband/in-laws to change. MILs sending cards to Mr and Mrs Hisname to the ones who didn't change, writing cheques to Child Hisname when they know it's Child Hername and so on.

Ms, and have done since my teens.

My maiden name was Cockwobble so I was glad to change.

Ms and I also object to women have titles that reflect their married status when men don’t

I changed my name because I liked the idea of all having the same surname when we eventually had a family. It also makes it easier for certain things to all have the same name. We never thought about my husband changing his name to mine as to be honest we both come from traditional families.

To be honest I didn't think twice about doing it. I changed it everywhere and didn't have a mix of married and maiden name going on.

I changed my name and don't regret it one bit.

How did I know someone would take it to the extreme.....
I will never be made to feel bad about the fact that I come from a traditional family/background. It seems that its is seen as a bad thing now. We chose our own path and chose what aspects we want to take into our life. Our was me taking my DH name and him asking my fathers permission first.

But shock horror......I know people who did all of the things you mention because that is what they wanted to do.

Changed mine, don't regret it, would do it again and i haven't lost my identity!

It doesn't make things easier to have the same surname.

Why did you take your DH’s surname and what was your DH asking permission for?

Because I wanted to and because in our families it is seen as respectful to ask - more of a heads up this is what is happening not a getting approval sort of thing.

You are being deliberately antagonising to people who like to follow tradition of what their families have previously done

I have to disagree from experience.
My best friend had a different name to her daughter for years and had several issues when it came to travelling as she was no longer with her ex. Even starting school she had issues with the name difference (she has since changed it to hers through the courts). One point even questioned when staying in a hotel room why they had different names. Maybe she has just had bad experiences.
I've travelled on the same name as my children without my DH without issues as far as Australia.

I wonder whether people would feel so comfortable in questioning, and in some cases aggressively so, traditions which have been established over hundreds of years if they didn't happen to be British traditions?

I could understand it if women today didn't have equal rights in the UK after marriage as was once the case.

My DD is open to take up whatever traditions she feels fit into her life as she grows as I did. Traditional doesn't mean women in my family are oppressed. The different is being forced into doing something you do not want to do because of tradition or being free to chose.

I couldn't care less if my DD kept our surname, took her partners name, worked, didnt work, had kids, didnt have kids....whatever she wants as long as she is happy.

@CantHoldMeDown wow you come across as patronising to women!

Would have been embarrassing if DH had given your father the heads up and then you’d said no!