To ask if you couldn't imagine leaving your baby and then young dc with strangers?

[A2J]

As in nursery/childminder etc?
I was OK once they could talk but before that I couldn't have left them with anyone except very close friends (female) or family.

It probably stems from my own childhood although any abuse I experienced was when older. Weird friends of my parents.

Luckily I was bolshy and stuck up for myself. More than I can say for my parents.

I work in a pre-school, I’m trustworthy, loving and competent. How depressing that people think we aren’t? 😢

Me going back to work and the DC going to nursery worked out brilliantly for us and that’s all I really care about
Dc are now all in their 20s and doing well , and we have a great relationship
And my earnings have helped support them in a style that they seem very accustomed to 😀

@HJA87 great that you're happy with your choice! It's lecturing other people which is annoying and makes you sound less content than you claim to be.

We get that you want to stay at home and that you chose a poor nursery first time round. That's you. Not everyone else.

I think people struggle with the loving bit- the feeling being that no one is going to love your child like family unless they are family, and people can just not take to some children they work with.

I didn’t expect loving from nursery staff- I expected trustworthy, competent and kind (which is what I got).

I (female) definitely prefer working than looking after my dc full time. I don't feel any guilt about sending her to nursery. I'm very glsd I had her but have no desire to be a SAHM
My partner (male) on the other hand would rather be a SAHD. But the most important thing to both of us is financial security, paying our mortgage in our very small house, staying in a nice area near nice schools, being able to afford theatre trips, university, and any other opportunities our daughter might want to persue. And to do that we need 2 incomes at the moment
I also don't care what anyone else does.
I'm intrigued if the OP has a partner and if they work and if that causes conflict if they can't understand why their partner would rather work than look after their DC. And if their partner would have preferred to stay at home how did they decide who would?

I'm intrigued if the OP has a partner and if they work and if that causes conflict if they can't understand why their partner would rather work than look after their DC. And if their partner would have preferred to stay at home how did they decide who would?

My spouse would prefer to be at home than at work, but one of us has to earn and she is better at it than me (she has a career in an industry she really believes in and feels is very important).

she believes as much as me that ds is better off with a parent at home, so that’s me.

Bully for you OP. Collect your Blue Peter badge and £200 for passing Go.

My kids were in childcare from 9 months. Shoot me now. 🙄

So, so judgmental and goady.

No, it’s not a poor nursery. Its one of the best you’re going to get. Thats why there’s a 2 year waiting list for it. But it’s still a nursery.. and as I said, I don’t like them for young babies.

My nursery fees, including funded hours and using the tax free childcare service is £1000/month for a full time place (5 days/week) in the south east. Nursery hours are 8 to 6. That is equivalent to the take home pay you would get working 20 hours per week at minimum wage (and if you were only working 20 hours per week, you'd not need 5 days a week childcare!). So your argument that very few people are financially better off by working is way way off the mark!

No, it’s not a poor nursery. Its one of the best you’re going to get. Thats why there’s a 2 year waiting list for it. But it’s still a nursery.. and as I said, I don’t like them for young babies.

You're contradicting yourself all over the place. Your comments made it perfectly clear it was poor, and that what the staff told you didn't match the reality. Just because you made a bad choice and it didn't work out well for your child is irrelevant to people whose children are cared for in excellent nurseries

Important to think in the short, medium and long term when making decisions about staying at home and leaving work, and reevaluate it regularly. The impact on salary/pension can be there 10/20/30 years down the line, knock on effects on helping the children out with university etc, standard of living and your pension. It shouldn't only be based on the early years. I was a SAHM for a short time and it's only now that I realise the impact on the later years.

My son is going to be 2 yrs and 9 months when starting nursery. Should I wait til he is 3yrs and 2 months as that is the next intake. 😭😭😢 I don't want to rush him at all. Me and DH work part time so he does not need to go.

I thought we weren’t supposed to lecture people on this thread.. I’ll take the impact on my pension in order to spend time with my children, that’s not something I will ever regret.

I used non essential childcare (creche at the gym) from about 12 weeks with my second child and 2 and a half for my first (nursery 2 days a week despite working evenings)

I trusted the people to take care of them and they did a great job. The kids enjoyed going to the creche and nursery really helped get them ready for school. They are 7 and 9 now and we still talk about nursery and they still go to the same childcare at the gym.

It's absolutely fine if you don't want to leave your child with anyone other than family when they are tiny but it doesn't make anyone who is happy with it a bad person who is making the wrong decision. They are making the right (and often the only) choice for their circumstances.

I freely admit that too much time with my kids drives me insane and I need a break. Working is often a lot easier than looking after a toddler and even 7 and 9 year olds who love to argue and moan constantly!!

There will always be a small risk to your child if you let them out of your sight and even if you keep them in it. The risk never changes, it just gets different even when the childcare becomes school, when they get older and become independent. We just have to do the best we can in whatever way we see fit as long as it's legal and as safe as it can be.

99% of ppl on this thread will tell you he would have been fine from 6 months but if you don’t want him to go yet and he doesn’t need to then why send him? I’d say enjoy the extra time with your son.

@HJA87 you said upthread you sent your kid to a nursery where they promoted a cleaner to be an educator! Yet you're now claiming it was a good nursery. Clearly you set the bar pretty low if that's what you think is a good nursery. Dozens of other people on this thread have had totally different experiences with their own children.

Or do you think you know everyone else's children best?!!

Do you know the qualifications of every single educator at your nursery? Because there is no legal requirements for everyone in the room to have qualifications. Don’t know if you’ve heard about the massive recruitment crisis, it’s happening everywhere so more nurseries than not will have the same problem. The new funded hours will only make it worse. I viewed all of the nurseries in the area and this one is by far the best one. There’s fresh food cooked by a chef every day for example rather than beans on toast and cakes like some of the others. It’s a beautiful setting with montessori wooden toys, forest school etc. They do all the activities that people mentioned and provide updates etc. And I’m sure it’s great for older kids who are not that affected by staff turnover and don’t need their parents the same way as little babies do.

I’m also not sure why you’re still arguing with me. You’re not going to convince me that if only I found a better nursery I would have been happy to send my kids. My decision to take my child out of nursery isn’t actually mainly driven by my experience at that specific nursery but rather by the research I’ve done since and just purely the fact that I don’t want to miss out on this time with my children.

@lolly792 and the problem is only going to get worse feweek.co.uk/nursery-staff-to-child-qualification-tweaks-spark-criticism/

I'm not trying to convince you of anything about your own kid, your own family, your own desire to stay home! Just stop lecturing other people about their choices for their children. They will have done their research, investigated the nurseries they are interested in and will make decisions in the interest of their children.

I already said that we should agree to disagree as it’s clearly causing upset but for some reason you keep going on about how crap my nursery was. It’s as if you’re trying to convince yourself of something. You seem very triggered for someone who’s happy with their parenting choices.

Oh honestly!!! Don't try that one!!

I've already said countless times that my own 3 children are now all adults - happy, well adjusted and doing very well, absolutely no harm done by the fact they went to nursery.

You are the one who said you weren't happy with your kid's nursery, which is really sad, and you obviously did the right thing by pulling them out and giving up work. I would have had to do the same in those circumstances. I don't know why you're being tetchy when you were the one who was critical of it.

If what you're actually now say

Saying is that you don't like any nurseries at all for your own kids - then that's somewhat different , but again, fine , they're your kids! Let others do what's best for theirs

Which is why they divide children into separate rooms with activities designed specifically for their stage of development and build in a period of "quiet time" into each day. Many nurseries also have a separate "quiet room". I feel like you have no idea what a good nursery actually looks like and why many children gain so much from them.

@lolly792 yeah I’m pretty sure that’s what I said in my first post and kept saying ever since- I don’t like babies in nurseries generally which is why mine are at home with me. I did also mention about the staff turnover in the specific nursery my child was in but that’s a widespread problem, nothing to do with that individual nursery. Now that it transpires your children are all grown up, I understand why you might not know this as maybe back in the day this problem didn’t exist.