To ask if you couldn't imagine leaving your baby and then young dc with strangers?

[A2J]

As in nursery/childminder etc?
I was OK once they could talk but before that I couldn't have left them with anyone except very close friends (female) or family.

It probably stems from my own childhood although any abuse I experienced was when older. Weird friends of my parents.

Luckily I was bolshy and stuck up for myself. More than I can say for my parents.

There are very few great nurseries. They are always undeststaffed, underpaid. We sent our child to the best in the are (offsted outstanding, 2 year waiting list), fancy nursery and although they tried their best, they really struggled with recruitment and keeping staff so there was a constant revolving door of staff (and often the people they do hired were not qualified for the job). The final
stroke was when they promoted their cleaner to be an educator. I don’t want to judge anyone who sends their child to nursery at 6 months old because they have to but come on, do you really believe that institutional setting is better for such a young baby (barely out of the newborn phase) than being with their mum? Don’t you think that by saying this you might make some first time mums question, if they are enough for their baby?

I think that if the parent who is at home is extremely judgmental and unkind towards others who don’t happen to be high rate tax payers then the children would really find benefit in a nursery and exposure to people from different backgrounds. So that the children can develop more empathy and kindness than may be being role modelled to them at home.

This is obviously an emotive subject and everyone is just making comments based on their own anecdata.

I grew up with two parents at home. But they weren’t at home. I grew up in a household in poverty so all I saw before I was in school was shit.

My own children have been in childcare since 9 months. My DD is going into Yr 9 and taking some GCSE’s this year. DS (autistic) struggles but that’s has no bearing on his upbringing.

I didn’t even consider giving up work - and tbh, that’s a privilege to those who have to return to work. Make be it’s my upbringing but I never wanted to rely on a partner to support me and I want my own career,
my own pension. I do not judge SAHP. I look at my children’s peers, and those I have taught for 25 years. I can’t distinguish between those who have been in childcare and those who haven’t. I know whose parents care about their education throughout though.

Six months was the standard maternity leave when DT’s were born. You mentioned babies staying with their Mum - why the Mum and not the father although DH didn’t want to be a SAHP anymore than I did.
Their nursery was amazing - we visited so many and got on the waiting list whilst I was still pregnant. Highly qualified staff, low turnover, well equipped premises with lots of outdoor space. Two of the staff became our babysitters for years.

What evidence? Everything you are saying is just opinion, and much of it very misinformed. I can assure you that many children under 2 enjoy being around children their own age and messy play, in fact 1-2 is prime time for loving sensory messy play. Children do not play together before 2, this does not mean they do not enjoy each other's company. You have zero right to decide if other people's children are thriving or not. There's been tons of studies into nursery vs SAHMs and no real conclusions, except that the impact is very mild either way.

Some of us had no choice. Thanks for the judgemental shaming.

This.

In a thread filled with sanctimonious BS (mainly from the OP), this one wins.

I earn £200k+ pa so no me (and my children) would not be better off if I sat home on my arse like you. I'm teaching them the value of working and being independent and not relying on a partner or the state.

But sure I just prefer the break 🙄

@HJA87 is clearly fucked off that so many of us have used nurseries, our children thrived, they've grown into happy, emotionally well adjusted and successful adults, and both mum and dad have sustained successful careers without any pension breaks!!

I agree the messy play before 2 but it’s often quoted as a pros of sending children to nursery as if it’s rocket science to do messy play at home. Also if you ever set up messy play for such young children you’ll know that their attention span is max 15 mins or so, what do they do for the rest of the 8-10 hour day in nursery when they’re not sleeping all eating? They will not be getting individual attention and cuddles for the majority of that time as the ratio is 1:3.

@StMarieforme Do not feel shamed. My parents didn’t give a damn about me and social services and grand parents raised me. I admire any parents who do what they can so their children have a happy and healthy life. Your children will thrive in any environment that encourages communication.

DT’s nursery was 1:2 for the under 2’s (same as they would have got at home) and 1:3 for the other years. They spent time in soft play, in the sandbox, library, visits from fire service, yoga classes, daily trips to the park or forest school - together with lots of cuddles and love.

If exposure to children/people from different backgrounds is so important then why a lot of people on here argue that they have to work so that they can live in a better area/kids can go to a better school. Why do you feel your kids are better than those kids in less wealthy areas? Do you not want them to be exposed to children from different backgrounds?

As a child-free woman I think it's great that you had the resources to do this. Some women don't and I don't see any point to your post than making them feel guilty.

No OP I did not leave my DD with strangers. I had a live in professional nanny, the same one for ten years.

As a lone parent I had no choice but to go back to work.

And honestly the amount of women who get royally f*cked over by their DH or partners after giving up work, being a SAHP then get shafted through divorce and can't earn a decent living....I would not have had it any other way.

Some people choose to stay at home because they choose to.

Some people choose to work because they want to.

Some people need to stay at home for whatever reason.

Some people need to work for whatever reason.

Let’s just leave it at that.

My kids gets exposed to people from all walks of life. Just because I moved to a better area by no means means I live in a wealthy area. I grew up in the most deprived area of the country. I now live in a slightly less deprived area.

You have absolutely ZERO understanding of these things and you live in a completely different world from me.

And that’s okay, I wish you all the best with your trad wife life.

I'm a bit confused how you sent your child to nursery and never found out what they did for the 8-10 hours. It's normal to ask a lot of questions about what your child did each day and to stay in close touch throughout the time via Tapestry. The children free-flow between many different activities and staff adapt quickly to what the children are showing an interest in throughout the day. I've never once seen children milling about aimlessly at nursery (except maybe when they've been asked to tidy up), they are always engaged in activities of their choice, some of them adult-led, but most of the time, things they have decided to do using the resources available to them.

The ratio is 1 adult for every 3 children in the room, so if there are 6 children sometimes there will be 5 doing an activity whilst 1 needs some cuddles and individual attention.

It's also strange that you say that a mother shouldn't send her child to nursery if she is on maternity leave, so in that case, what if she has 3 or 4 children? Surely none of her children are getting 1:1 attention either, so are being even more badly damaged?

Then my DD and a few other kids I know are completely screwed then as their fathers were their primary or equal carer when they were little.

In reality they expect all adults to be able to help them do things when little and have to be told that a is better at doing b and x is better at doing y, rather than based on the person's sex.

Ofsted rating outstanding just means they are very good at doing paperwork.

One outstanding nursery friends' sent their kids to didn't understand about allergies and tried to kill one of their children. OFSTED weren't interested when both the A&E doctor and GP said contact them after they complained to the nursery.

You don't even need to ask - both DD's CM and nursery would immediate tell me at the end of each day what DD had been doing. The CM initially had a book as well but I kind of encouraged her not to write in it once DD could be trusted to tell something of the truth about her day. DD did tell some tall stories to both her CM and me about her activities with each of us.

DD sits around being miserable for 8 hours, clearly.

They do messy play. They play in the garden. They read. They have time to themselves if they want it. They play alongside other children. There's a play kitchen, play shop, blocks, puppets, dolls/babies, soft toys. They do activities relevant to the time of year (eg Easter, Christmas, Valentine's, other cultural holidays and festivals). When it snows they bring it in for them to experience and they explain why it melts and where it comes from. They draw and paint and play with playdoh. They do activities that help with their fine motor skills. They decorate cakes, biscuits etc. They have dance parties.

She's come home with cards she's made for us for every celebration possible. Sunflower seeds she's planted. Cakes she's decorated.

They ask for things to be completed so they can do things relevant to them. Such as family trees, their pets etc.

She is busy all day doing so many things she enjoys. She comes home covered in sand, paint, mud from the garden, bits of playdoh, marker pen, glitter, glue. And she runs out beaming and excited to tell us about her day.

There's an app that they update with what they've been doing, what they've eaten. I even know every nappy change she's had.

You used nursery for three months. Did you never ask on pick up "what have you been up to today??" so you knew what he was doing?

How many DC do you have @HHJA87 ?

Well if someone has 3/4 children then they are unlikely to all be preschool age so presumably some will be at school. In any case it seems like most people can’t even cope with 2 because when I was pulling my eldest out of nursery for my mat leave, the nursery managers told me only one other mum did that in the whole to nursery. People say they need the respite from the toddler so they can spend some time with the baby yet they’re happy to send their babies/toddlers for other people (nursery staff) to deal with, multiple at a time.

I'm really nervous about leaving my dd with people I don't know but would be more willing to put her in a preschool rather than a nursery, I think this is because I'm a teacher though so familiar with schools.