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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this folder name on DP's laptop is dodgy?

79 replies

nonfictionaddict · 20/08/2024 09:02

A little while ago, DP was on his laptop, sat to my left. He rarely uses it so this was the first log in in ages (as far as I know). I saw on the bottom left hand side of the desktop screen a folder that I read as being named Tiny Boys.
He then clicked on a web browser so quickly I didn't have time to re-read and double check.

However, I was in that moment almost 100% that is what it said. I keep trying to think what else it could have said even if I mistakenly read that and I can't seem to come up with any answers.

I froze in the moment and couldn't ask, which I regret so much now- I felt v. shaken and confused, but then also mentally reasoned that it could be a folder with pictures of his to boys when they were little, maybe, as I had mentioned to him he should save pics of his boys in case he lost his phone. His boys are 11 and 14, but he has tons of pics on his phone of them when little, and they are his world. He literally lives for them.

However, it has been on my mind almost daily since. Why 'Tiny Boys' as a name and not 'The Boys'? I haven't been able to talk to any friends about it as understandably the implications if worse case scenario don't bear thinking about.

So, with my mind going over this and still not sure what to do/say/think, about a week ago, DP went on his laptop near me again, and there was no sign of the folder! So he has somwhow deleted or hidden it, which sent alarm bells off, as if it was innocent, surely he's leave it on his desktop?

I don't know how to raise this with him- on the one hand if there is nothing to hide I look like a monster for thinking there could be something nefarious about something so innocent.
On the other hand, what if he denies or says it's completely innocent when it isn't? Then I will never know even if the folder was dodgy, and he has pictures of boys on his laptop.
Everything is password protected, no I don't know passwords etc. Phone is facial recognition. I can't get into his laptop.

I was thinking of asking him if he has started saving pics of the boys yet, and see what he says. If he says no, then it means that folder has nothing to do with his kids.
I also keep wondering if there was any chance I misread the title of the folder, but I am almost 100% sure that is what it said, in the moment. But then again I know that the brain can play tricks. I am backwards and foreards in my mind every day with this. I feel so scared of asking him.

Please help, I am making myself sick with worry and stress over this and what to say to him about it.

OP posts:
PlantDoctor · 20/08/2024 09:04

Just say your noticed the folder and it sounded like cute baby photos of the kids, so you'd love to see them.

EternallyIrked · 20/08/2024 09:09

Tell him you have a task to complete that would be much easier on a laptop so could you please use his for 10 minutes? If needed, have excuses ready like yours is having IT issues/battery run out/screen broken. Maybe that's what you need to go online to resolve, and its way easier on a laptop than your tiny phone screen.

If/when he starts it up, keep an eye out. If he starts moving things, clearing anything or says things like "I just need to quickly log out of this, give me a minute" you can ask questions about what's going on and insist on transparency.

If you get on to the laptop, remember to check recycle bin.

Catza · 20/08/2024 09:09

I cannot imagine a scenario in which a person accessing illegal material online would create a folder on his desktop which specifies what illegal material they are looking at. I just can't...

ladyintherain · 20/08/2024 09:10

It could just be he was tidying up his desktop and moved it. Or he made the file and wasn't using it It sounds like a normal name for pictures of his sons as little kids.

OrwellianTimes · 20/08/2024 09:11

I can’t imagine if he was into bad stuff he’d name it so blatantly. I’d need to know for sure though.

KeirSpoutsTwaddle · 20/08/2024 09:14

I stick stuff on desktop that I only need temporarily. Then I delete when I’ve sent it where I actually want it.

My desktop is full of random junk. Proper stuff I want- especially anything that was personal- would be somewhere else.

MeganM3 · 20/08/2024 09:14

Yes, odd that it had been moved / deleted.

nonfictionaddict · 20/08/2024 09:14

Catza · 20/08/2024 09:09

I cannot imagine a scenario in which a person accessing illegal material online would create a folder on his desktop which specifies what illegal material they are looking at. I just can't...

This is a really good point, thank you. It would be crazy to name the folder if it was dodgy, surely?

OP posts:
nonfictionaddict · 20/08/2024 09:15

ladyintherain · 20/08/2024 09:10

It could just be he was tidying up his desktop and moved it. Or he made the file and wasn't using it It sounds like a normal name for pictures of his sons as little kids.

Am hoping this is the reason, and I am just overreacting internally!

OP posts:
LoobyDoop2 · 20/08/2024 09:16

I thought that sounded worrying when I first read it, but then saw he has sons. It’ll just be “the boys when they were tiny”.

itsgettingweird · 20/08/2024 09:17

Catza · 20/08/2024 09:09

I cannot imagine a scenario in which a person accessing illegal material online would create a folder on his desktop which specifies what illegal material they are looking at. I just can't...

This.m

Or sit next to someone who can clearly read the screen with the folder so blatantly on there.

But the thing is if you seriously thought it was something illegal why have you done nothing about it for weeks?

nonfictionaddict · 20/08/2024 09:17

LoobyDoop2 · 20/08/2024 09:16

I thought that sounded worrying when I first read it, but then saw he has sons. It’ll just be “the boys when they were tiny”.

That's what am hoping! Good to get others' perspectives as it looks like the folder was/is entirely innocent

OP posts:
Sallyh87 · 20/08/2024 09:18

I have loads if folders of my kids ‘cute girls’, ‘little girls’, ‘girls holiday’ to name few. I think you are probably overthinking this, unless there is a backstory.

Connected1 · 20/08/2024 09:19

It's HIGHLY unlikely that he would knowingly name a folder of illegal pics in that way.
I innocently named a folder of photos on my laptop "kiddie pics".
Then somehow the penny dropped wet me how dodgy that could sound! I quickly renamed it.

Dinosweetpea · 20/08/2024 09:19

Catza · 20/08/2024 09:09

I cannot imagine a scenario in which a person accessing illegal material online would create a folder on his desktop which specifies what illegal material they are looking at. I just can't...

This, I think you are massively overthinking this.

nonfictionaddict · 20/08/2024 09:20

itsgettingweird · 20/08/2024 09:17

This.m

Or sit next to someone who can clearly read the screen with the folder so blatantly on there.

But the thing is if you seriously thought it was something illegal why have you done nothing about it for weeks?

Because I would want more concrete evidence, and a folder name isn't enough to make an accusation that it is illegal. I haven't known what to make of it, hence asking here what others think about a folder title. Hardly enought to send me running to the authorities at this point.

OP posts:
mushpush · 20/08/2024 09:20

I have a folder called "tiny boys" and it's pictures of my cats as kittens 😂

If you'd mentioned to him moving the photos then it might have been a desktop folder whilst he was uploading photos, then it was tidied up?

Honestly I can't imagine someone who's accessing indecent images of children saving them in a folder like that - if you'd found a dodgy password protected external hard drive then I'd be suspicious!

However I'd ask, like pp have said, to borrow the laptop or something. Otherwise it'll stay in your mind!

ButtSurgery · 20/08/2024 09:22

Catza · 20/08/2024 09:09

I cannot imagine a scenario in which a person accessing illegal material online would create a folder on his desktop which specifies what illegal material they are looking at. I just can't...

Unfortunately having worked on the teams that review such imagery seized from the men who do this.... Yes, they absolutely do.

Not all of them, some are more canny but many MANY are in plain sight.

Remember, anywhere between 2-24% of men have admitted to having a sexual interest in children.

https://www.research.ed.ac.uk/en/publications/prevalence-and-correlates-of-sexual-interest-in-children

Shiningout · 20/08/2024 09:22

I mean it does seem odd that he's now deleted it or moved him but honestly I think I'd just ask in a lighthearted way like I swear I saw a folder called this, was it pics of the boys when they were babies? And see what he says!

ratherbesurfing · 20/08/2024 09:23

I’ve got folders called lovely boys, beautiful boys etc.

They’re full of photos of my sons when they were little. It’s never crossed my mind that it might seem dodgy.

nonfictionaddict · 20/08/2024 09:25

Shiningout · 20/08/2024 09:22

I mean it does seem odd that he's now deleted it or moved him but honestly I think I'd just ask in a lighthearted way like I swear I saw a folder called this, was it pics of the boys when they were babies? And see what he says!

That's what I think I will do, thanks!

OP posts:
BrownBirdWelcomesWhiteWave · 20/08/2024 09:26

nonfictionaddict · 20/08/2024 09:20

Because I would want more concrete evidence, and a folder name isn't enough to make an accusation that it is illegal. I haven't known what to make of it, hence asking here what others think about a folder title. Hardly enought to send me running to the authorities at this point.

You've left this for 'weeks'

why dont you just open the laptop and have a look, and if you cannot access it, ask him to use it - say you need to print something or check somethin

nonfictionaddict · 20/08/2024 09:28

ButtSurgery · 20/08/2024 09:22

Unfortunately having worked on the teams that review such imagery seized from the men who do this.... Yes, they absolutely do.

Not all of them, some are more canny but many MANY are in plain sight.

Remember, anywhere between 2-24% of men have admitted to having a sexual interest in children.

https://www.research.ed.ac.uk/en/publications/prevalence-and-correlates-of-sexual-interest-in-children

Ok, this is sobering to know, and I really appreciate your response, as someone who has knowledge of these men. Thank you.

OP posts:
nonfictionaddict · 20/08/2024 09:31

BrownBirdWelcomesWhiteWave · 20/08/2024 09:26

You've left this for 'weeks'

why dont you just open the laptop and have a look, and if you cannot access it, ask him to use it - say you need to print something or check somethin

I have indeed left it for weeks, I haven't been able to bring it up or know what to do. I wish I knew what to do immediately, I really do. However, I am human, doubting myself, going back and forth over this, and feel really in need to advice. Thanks for your kind words of support though x

OP posts:
Catza · 20/08/2024 09:32

ButtSurgery · 20/08/2024 09:22

Unfortunately having worked on the teams that review such imagery seized from the men who do this.... Yes, they absolutely do.

Not all of them, some are more canny but many MANY are in plain sight.

Remember, anywhere between 2-24% of men have admitted to having a sexual interest in children.

https://www.research.ed.ac.uk/en/publications/prevalence-and-correlates-of-sexual-interest-in-children

"Most studies showed poor external validity, with the majority of them scoring high on risk of bias.
Conclusion: Overall, the findings indicate inconsistencies in terms of methodology and definition/diagnostic criteria of sexual interest in children. Further research in this area using recommended methodology to avoid biases is recommended."

Haven't even read the rest of the paper yet but felt it is important to provide some context before this thread turns into men-bashing.