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AIBU?

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To think this folder name on DP's laptop is dodgy?

79 replies

nonfictionaddict · 20/08/2024 09:02

A little while ago, DP was on his laptop, sat to my left. He rarely uses it so this was the first log in in ages (as far as I know). I saw on the bottom left hand side of the desktop screen a folder that I read as being named Tiny Boys.
He then clicked on a web browser so quickly I didn't have time to re-read and double check.

However, I was in that moment almost 100% that is what it said. I keep trying to think what else it could have said even if I mistakenly read that and I can't seem to come up with any answers.

I froze in the moment and couldn't ask, which I regret so much now- I felt v. shaken and confused, but then also mentally reasoned that it could be a folder with pictures of his to boys when they were little, maybe, as I had mentioned to him he should save pics of his boys in case he lost his phone. His boys are 11 and 14, but he has tons of pics on his phone of them when little, and they are his world. He literally lives for them.

However, it has been on my mind almost daily since. Why 'Tiny Boys' as a name and not 'The Boys'? I haven't been able to talk to any friends about it as understandably the implications if worse case scenario don't bear thinking about.

So, with my mind going over this and still not sure what to do/say/think, about a week ago, DP went on his laptop near me again, and there was no sign of the folder! So he has somwhow deleted or hidden it, which sent alarm bells off, as if it was innocent, surely he's leave it on his desktop?

I don't know how to raise this with him- on the one hand if there is nothing to hide I look like a monster for thinking there could be something nefarious about something so innocent.
On the other hand, what if he denies or says it's completely innocent when it isn't? Then I will never know even if the folder was dodgy, and he has pictures of boys on his laptop.
Everything is password protected, no I don't know passwords etc. Phone is facial recognition. I can't get into his laptop.

I was thinking of asking him if he has started saving pics of the boys yet, and see what he says. If he says no, then it means that folder has nothing to do with his kids.
I also keep wondering if there was any chance I misread the title of the folder, but I am almost 100% sure that is what it said, in the moment. But then again I know that the brain can play tricks. I am backwards and foreards in my mind every day with this. I feel so scared of asking him.

Please help, I am making myself sick with worry and stress over this and what to say to him about it.

OP posts:
peppermintteacup · 20/08/2024 20:26

I think ask him directly.

If his behaviour after this seems more suspicious and secretive in general, that's a red flag.

Not telling you about viagra use for 12 months is another red flag. How did you find out? Did he tell you about it voluntarily one day or was it discovered unintentionally or the decision to inform you forced upon him somehow?

What was his reason for not telling you?

Are there other things that add to a sense of general distrust or do you feel he is generally honest and open with you?

If you ask to use his laptop for something is he very defensive and won't let you near it, or is he ok with you using it?
If he's not ok with it, why? Have you asked him why?
Are you satisfied with the answer?

If you have an overall sense of distrust, I'd look into it.

If I asked my husband about something that made it look like I might be accusing him of cheating, I'm pretty sure his first repsonse would be to assure me he isn't, not for entertaining the possibility that like millions of people before him, that he might be cheating.

peppermintteacup · 20/08/2024 20:27

By extension if I asked about a folder that sounded like child images, I'm sure he'd tell me exactly what it was.

Ask him what the folder was.

OrwellianTimes · 21/08/2024 17:54

nonfictionaddict · 20/08/2024 12:56

I have heard him use the term 'tiny boys' only once before, when referring to friends of his boys, who he hadn't seen since they were 'tiny boys' but were now older. That's the only other time, and so maybe it makes sense he would label a folder of the boys this way, if it is in his vernacular.

There is nothing overt I can think of in our relationship that makes me worry like this, though I do remember being taken aback once in a supermarket when he noticed some kids' clothes (boys, dungarees with big buttons and tartan print) and said that they were ' awwww, so cute'- I found this odd, as I am not used to male partners noticing kids' clothes or talking about them in such a way. Women, yes, but never edperienced a male partner going 'gooey' over kids' clothes and pointing this out when we were talking about something completely unrelated and just happned to be pushing our trolleys past the kids' clothing section to get to another section.

However, thinking items of clothing are cute doesn't mean he is a monster, though I did find it unusual, as I have never heard any man speak like that before (not saying others don't).

Seeing a kids outfit as cute does not make a man a pervert.

ineedtogwtoutbeforeitatoohot · 21/08/2024 18:08

Sometimes you just name a file really quick without thinking much. He may of just wanted to name it this meaning when his boys were babies or really young ?

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