To think this folder name on DP's laptop is dodgy?

[nonfictionaddict]

A little while ago, DP was on his laptop, sat to my left. He rarely uses it so this was the first log in in ages (as far as I know). I saw on the bottom left hand side of the desktop screen a folder that I read as being named Tiny Boys.
He then clicked on a web browser so quickly I didn't have time to re-read and double check.

However, I was in that moment almost 100% that is what it said. I keep trying to think what else it could have said even if I mistakenly read that and I can't seem to come up with any answers.

I froze in the moment and couldn't ask, which I regret so much now- I felt v. shaken and confused, but then also mentally reasoned that it could be a folder with pictures of his to boys when they were little, maybe, as I had mentioned to him he should save pics of his boys in case he lost his phone. His boys are 11 and 14, but he has tons of pics on his phone of them when little, and they are his world. He literally lives for them.

However, it has been on my mind almost daily since. Why 'Tiny Boys' as a name and not 'The Boys'? I haven't been able to talk to any friends about it as understandably the implications if worse case scenario don't bear thinking about.

So, with my mind going over this and still not sure what to do/say/think, about a week ago, DP went on his laptop near me again, and there was no sign of the folder! So he has somwhow deleted or hidden it, which sent alarm bells off, as if it was innocent, surely he's leave it on his desktop?

I don't know how to raise this with him- on the one hand if there is nothing to hide I look like a monster for thinking there could be something nefarious about something so innocent.
On the other hand, what if he denies or says it's completely innocent when it isn't? Then I will never know even if the folder was dodgy, and he has pictures of boys on his laptop.
Everything is password protected, no I don't know passwords etc. Phone is facial recognition. I can't get into his laptop.

I was thinking of asking him if he has started saving pics of the boys yet, and see what he says. If he says no, then it means that folder has nothing to do with his kids.
I also keep wondering if there was any chance I misread the title of the folder, but I am almost 100% sure that is what it said, in the moment. But then again I know that the brain can play tricks. I am backwards and foreards in my mind every day with this. I feel so scared of asking him.

Please help, I am making myself sick with worry and stress over this and what to say to him about it.

Many men are very literal. So it would be much more likely he'd call the folder their names and ages than "tiny boys" sorry. My guess is this is more likely a website that is dodgy than reminiscing and suddenly tidying up folders.

Surely if it was anything awful , it wouldn’t be labelled “ Tiny boys” for all to see?
I think people accessing sinister images would hide it away- There are apps that look like calculators &c where nasty stuff can be hidden from accidental viewing.
I’d ask him outright, @nonfictionaddict

i agree

as someone who writes adult stories, i can tell you i absolutely do not keep stuff like that on my desktop where other people can see it.

I'm quite open about doing it with other adults, but that is all buried out of sight, not displayed for anyone passing to cop a view and ask questions!

He was likely uploading the photos to his laptop and sorting them in to folders if there are lots so tiny boys for when they were babies/toddlers then put all the different age range folders in to one folder so it looks like it's disappeared. If he didn't have two boys I'd of been suspicious but I don't think my mind would of even gone where you had with a man who has two sons.

I think this folder could be anything, and as others have said it's unlikely to be the kind of pics of tiny boys you are fearing because that would be a really daft thing to make and put on your desk top. It seems unlikely but of course not impossible, but I really think you need to consider what about him, you or the relationship is causing you to have worries in this direction??? This fairly unlikely possibility seems to be really getting to you, what's making it seem so possible or worrying? Something in his behaviour? Is it something going on with you? (Stress, anxiety, overthinking, negative thoughts etc). It's quite a big doubt to have about a partner to think a) they might be interested in this sort of material and b) they are dim enough not to think to hide or disguise it.

If it truly was short for 'nice pics of my boys when they were tiny ...'

Why wouldn't he happily share them with you?

And more importantly ...

WHY WOULD HE SUDDENLY DELETE THEM WHEN HE KNEW YOU'D SPOTTED THE FOLDER?

Your instincts are screaming at you. He does not want you to see the contents of a clearly labelled folder.

And yes, people do do careless things, thinking they won't get caught. Then panic-react when they are.

This won't go away.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-56404743

OP, I'm a gay man and there's no common connection between "tiny boys" and "twinks".

I think your first action is to ask him whether he managed to back up his kids photo's or not. If he says yes then that's one box in the reassurance column ticked.

The folder disappearing isn't a red flag in itself. I usually dump things onto my desktop, sort them and then put them into my general filing later. Anything I'm still actively working on or adding things to will stay there. Next time he's on his laptop, try and get a quick glance to see if his desktop looks clean and/or empty. If it does, he probably does file things away periodically.

Also think about what else "tiny boys" could mean, it could reference an in-joke with friends or colleagues. I'm sure I have a few that would be seen as questionable out of context. When I say think, I don't mean rack your brain, I just mean consider the possibility - you won't know every little detail like that yourself.

If you can get an opportunity to look yourself for your own piece of mind then do it, but if you can't, just remember that there are plenty of reasonable explanations that are more likely than the worst case scenario.

I get hiding stuff in plain sight, but surely if you were up to the sort of thing that's being implied here, you would at least try and bury the relevant folder among innocent stuff, and definitely not name it literally what you're trying to hide?

This.

I bet you misread it, or there's an entirely innocent explanation.

There could be an innocent explanation: such as him having pics of your kids in that folder and rather than typing a long 'pics of the boys when they were tiny', shortened it to 'tiny boys'.

But it sounds like you have wider concerned about your sex life with your husbands and are feeling that something is not quite right.

I would say that really needs a frank conversation. The two could be totally unrelated but I think you need to speak to him and put all of this in the open.

Some dodgy men are very skilled at spotting women who have experienced past trauma and pick them because they know they are more vulnerable and might struggle with self-esteem and healthy boundaries.

If you have concerns about your relationship and partner, don't ignore them and trust your guts.

I have heard him use the term 'tiny boys' only once before, when referring to friends of his boys, who he hadn't seen since they were 'tiny boys' but were now older. That's the only other time, and so maybe it makes sense he would label a folder of the boys this way, if it is in his vernacular.

There is nothing overt I can think of in our relationship that makes me worry like this, though I do remember being taken aback once in a supermarket when he noticed some kids' clothes (boys, dungarees with big buttons and tartan print) and said that they were ' awwww, so cute'- I found this odd, as I am not used to male partners noticing kids' clothes or talking about them in such a way. Women, yes, but never edperienced a male partner going 'gooey' over kids' clothes and pointing this out when we were talking about something completely unrelated and just happned to be pushing our trolleys past the kids' clothing section to get to another section.

However, thinking items of clothing are cute doesn't mean he is a monster, though I did find it unusual, as I have never heard any man speak like that before (not saying others don't).

We don't know that he wouldn't happily share the photos with OP, because she's not so much as asked him about them.

Moving things off your desktop into more permanent storage is a totally normal thing to do. He hasn't deleted them because OP saw them. Indeed, he probably has no idea that OP saw them as she only happened to glance across when she was sitting next to him.

I do not think the over the top posts on this thread are helping OP.

Your DP hasn't got a clue you are thinking all this.

So just ask him, is the Tiny Boys folder pics of the boys when they were toddlers. We'd love to see them. Maybe get some framed one day?

I'm definitely going to ask him if he has managed to back up his kids' pictures, and then like you say, can add a tick to the reassurance column.

I have heard him use the term 'tiny boys' once before- only in reference to his kids' friends being grown up now and the last time he saw them they were 'tiny boys'.

Thank you for your post! Helps to know that there isn't a correlation between twinks and tiny boys.

I'm definitely going to ask him now, much better just to do that

Agree with everything here; thanks!

Ask him if he ever got round to saving the photos onto his laptop, if he says no, it’s obvious he is hiding something. For every person that says it’s highly unlikely he would keep it on his desktop like this, how would you actually know?! And then why would he need to hide it? As stated above it has happened and does happen. Personally I wouldn’t dismiss it so easily if alarm bells are ringing, find a way to get on his laptop.

I think this might, as you suggest, be down to your past trauma OP. If you’ve heard him refer to other kids as tiny boys before then it’s a phrase he uses and it really seems likely it’s just photos of his kids that you saw. And it isn’t at all unusual for a man (especially a dad to sons) to think an item of clothing designed for young boys is cute. That’s such a benign non-event.

Thanks for replying- this is it; I think it could be my past trauma/obsessive compulsive thoughts spiralling and making me interpret things as possibly nefarious.

I think what is clear is that whatever the outcome your relationship needs to come to an end.

I mean this in a nice way OP, but you have mentioned your traumatic past and obsessive thoughts in almost every post of yours. It’s probably not a bad idea to tackle this with (further) professional help because you are at risk of ruining your relationship here.

”I know this is going to sound crazy, but a while back I thought I saw a bizarrely named folder on your laptop screen. It’s become like song lyrics I can’t figure out. I must have misread it or misinterpreted it in my head and now it’s just on repeat because I don’t know the real answer. It’s driving me crazy. I don’t actually think it’s anything untoward, I just need my brain to be quiet. Could you just show me the folder so I can actually know the real name or what is in there and laugh at myself?”

A lot of men would be reluctant to let their wives use their laptops, though, as they might have been looking at totally legal images of adult women.
I don't want to go into a debate about porn being good or bad, that's not the point, just that they might not want their wives to know.
What I'm saying here is that reluctance to share a laptop means little.

Thanks for replying- this is it; I think it could be my past trauma/obsessive compulsive thoughts spiralling and making me interpret things as possibly nefarious.

I think it is absolutely this. I think you're attributing huge significance to insignificant events.