Kirstie Allsop's 15 Year Old Son

[ImAFemaleVersionOfRoyKeane]

Kirstie Allsop has just posted on X (Twitter) that her 15 year old son has just returned from inter-railing around Europe.

He was accompanied by his 16 year old friend.

AIBU to think this is too young?

These situations may seem OK but at that age they think they are invincible, so they can be impulsive and not make the best decisions, especially when something goes wrong!

I was completely let to roam free as a teenager, went to a festival at the tender age of 14 albeit with a slightly older sibling. Pre mobile phones, the only way our parents knew we were ok was by us coming home after a few days. It was one of the best weekends of my life!

However that was a far cry from 3 weeks travelling in different countries. I'm sure I would have loved the adventure but there are ways to give your child freedom without completely letting loose.

I think, festival trip - yes, interrailing no. It just seems a bit much?

I never really understand these arguments. It’s the same as the expose the newborn to the flu so they don’t get it when they are three. We all tend to grow in maturity as time goes on. Yes some are more mature sooner; but there’s always a point at which you have to take the “ exposure hit” and of course there’s no point waiting till you are 65. But I genuinely don’t agree that being pushed into independence at 14 means you are more independent at 35 than someone who was eased into independence.

To which I would add the sickliest child in one of my dcs classes got that cold complication as a newborn and was in icu. Her mum always says this is why she is compromised now - so the whole expose them to build immunity doesn’t really work. It’s about the right time, not the earliest opportunity imo.

I'd like to know if the family of the other boy were reported to SS as well ? Probably not as they're not famous. SS quite happy leaving my friends grandson living with his father in squalor, in one room because an XL Bully lives downstairs and yet isn't happy a 15 year old independent lad goes inter railing with his parents permission. They're also happy putting 16 year old care leavers into their own accommodation with no life skills to sink or swim. Appalling.

The point is that kids will never learn independence and resilience if they are over protected and cuddled no matter what age they are

If they are never exposed that’s true. But let’s be honest, most adults are independent unless they have some particular disability or diagnosis. Only occasionally do people not become so.

But you get some that have learned coping skills much better than others And grown adults who have gone from relying on parents to relying on spouses

Hard disagree on this. My cousin is 55. He has no diagnosis of anything.

He lives with his elderly mother. She is in charge of all the fiancés, the cooking and the home management. His father left when he was small.

He doesn’t travel beyond the local bus routes as it is out of his comfort zone. He never had a sleepover as a child. He had a minimum wage job which he lost a few months ago and hasn’t been able to get anything since.

My entire family is aghast and so worried about what will happen to him when he goes. My uncle (her brother) has had many blazing rows with my aunt about this (my own father, her brother is dead, before anyone asks why he isn’t involved too). She won’t listen and believes she is doing her best by him

This is what happens when you are over protective.

Let. your. Children. fly.

Yes to all of this!!

Hence why PP said 'occasionally do people not become so", your cousin clearly being the occassion. You hard disagree yet only site your cousin as 1 example. Most likely you know of no others futher proving PP point.

True. But it should be a cautionary tale for anyone over parenting.

They worry about the risks around letting their children go but are they considering the risks of keeping them too close? Very very doubtful.

That is a worrying case.

In all honesty though, as he is now 55 his mum has had quite a few decades of opportunity to “let him fly.” It’s a rather different case from parents being cautious about teens.

I have to say, I have thought long and hard and can’t think of anyone I know in this sort of situation. I know one lady who lived with her parents until her late 20’s/ early 30’s but that was purely financial as she has a career that required quite a few years of expensive study. In terms of home admin/financials, I think she probably took the lead with it. I remember a discussion about her wanting them to switch insurance policies. I can think of one or two who get financial assistance from parents ( one case grandparents want to send Dc to independent schools, the other her DH lost his job which had been high-paying so they had some help at first to maintain their home/Dc schooling etc. But she had been fully independent before that juncture and since). I’m not counting family wealth type situations generally because that’s an estate planning thing, not lack of independence.
Other than that, I genuinely can’t think of anyone who I think has been wrapped in cotton wool to the point it has affected them decades on.
Tragically, I know of several cases where teens were just given too much rope too soon. I also know some older people who were forced by circumstances to stand in their own feet very early and if I’m one hundred percent honest the only lasting impact I see is a bit of a chip on their shoulder about it. So it’s about balance isn’t it, and knowing your own teen and hopefully getting it right. I think it’s not healthy when people act as though the teens who are ready sooner have somehow more effective parents. That only creates a pressure for parents to yield too much, too soon. I can’t comment on Kirsty’s son (though he is obviously back in one piece). For me, though, I would not have seen it as smothering parenting to say you can’t wait until age of majority.

I would add to my post above, however, that while I suspect I would personally find 16 too young for that sort of trip, I do find SS stepping in a bit confusing when young people are actually able to leave home altogether at 16.

This!

I come across people, they're nearly always men, in the circs that @Tiredalwaystired mentions. They may not have a diagnosis but a lot of them are clearly at least borderline SEN and that's why they've never flown the nest.

As previously the report to SS is either malicious or mischief making by journalists looking to get more out of the story.

They have no option but to take it seriously but half and hour at the most with Ms Allsopp and her son will see it closed with no further action.

I went to Paris at his age with a friend after passing my GCSEs. Parents nowadays give children no independence. Children are growing up in a global world with huge risks and they don’t know how to wipe their own bottoms. Life skills are not a thing taught by many parents now.

You see it a lot on here, people constantly othering their children about what they can’t possibly do.

… trying ( and failing) to think of anyone over about 6 who can’t wipe their own bottom…

Its interesting, though, you mention about the global situation as I, in fact, think children are being brought up exposed to vastly more existential angst than we were and in that way are far from molly-coddled.

Also a trip to Paris ( presumably quite short?) is a step shy of travelling about Europe from place to place.

I wouldn’t say it’s equivalent.

Just listened to her on yesterday’s BH. She and her son sound eminently sensible about risk.

The fact that even today KA continues to post on twitter about this, blissfully unaware of the very system she unwittingly found herself in really shows her priorities.
Let's face it, had she never have used her own channels to exploit her child's trip for "likes", she would never have landed in this trouble.
Regardless of how capable her child is, she not only made decisions-she actively promoted them as acceptable for any child, this is her issue.
SS were obliged to follow up on the referral that was an inevitable result of her own self-indulged twitter ramblings.
Whatever your opinion of her actions, it just shows what a privileged position she has lived her entire life-many other families would not have seen NFA, purely from their financial & social status.

Yes I can see that the social media aspect might have been a trigger for the SS actions. I have no idea about Kirsty’s DS ( and he seems to have fared ok); but I know lots of 16 year olds that have got into scrapes from poor ( though not necessarily age-inappropriate) decision-making. I suppose when it’s been widely disseminated, SS need to make the point this isn’t a “ given” that it’s appropriate- and actually I’d agree with them on that.

@Calliopespa yes I think her social media posting has been detrimental and lacking in wisdom.
Personally, I feel in this day and age it was an irresponsible action that would not necessarily generate the same NFA result for all families within the context of a SS referral, but her primary mistake was ever bragging about it on Twitter in the first place.

FFS. Social services should be investigating actual child abuse and neglect, all these children who are being abused. What a waste of time. Privileged parent allows privileged child to go on holiday. Nothing to see here. Meanwhile another toddler is starved and beaten by their step parent but social services are overwhelmed and don't get there in time.

When my husband was just 1 month older (incidentally a week before 9/11) - he joined the army. His mum and dad signed off on that decision. Just like this mum signed off on this decision. He started service when he was 4 months older than this child.

There are degrees of decisions and responsibilities. We all make them every day.