To feel annoyed when he tries to compare my achievements with himself?

[PrueHal]

My partner is a professor at a university. He's a wonderful guy but occasionally has the ego to go with it I have to say.

I have a full time job and I'm a creative writer. Over the last 10 years I've had several short stories published and my first novel is out on submission which is very exciting.

Sometimes, if I mention something that has happened at a previous book launch or event, he'll say 'oh yeah I remember that kind of thing from when I was writing fiction.' Except he wrote fiction when he was 16 and never published anything. He also talks about a novel he wrote when he was 15 seriously when I am talking about my own book as a 31 year old.

So I silently seethe and move the conversation on when he does this but I actually want to say 'your attempts as a teenager don't compare with my success as an adult. Do shut up.' Because you know what? As an adult he's very successful and it makes me feel like I can't just have this one thing for myself.

Tell him.

@Azandme tell him to shut up? 🙂

Do you really enjoy the company of this man with a ego? I would be telling him how tedious and boastful he is.

He probably thinks your achievements so far aren't comparable to his and, with respect, he's right. No need for him to be an arsehole about it, though.

@Jeschara he's usually lovely, so yes!

But I don't enjoy it in those moments.

It almost feels like his attempt to relate to me the way people do sometimes 'oh yeah me too' but it isn't appropriate and I feel undermines my success. Should I actually say this to him?

@MasterBeth how is he right?

He publishes in academic journals and as a creative writer I publish in anthologies and a novel publication, which is different.

He has certainly not had the success I have in fiction. If he thinks that and doesn't treat me as an equal, that's a problem.

I think it’s you who feels threatened- he is allowed to relate things back to his own experiences

@Quitelikeit well I won't deny that.

But he hasn't even had those experiences. He stopped writing fiction when he was 16.

I don't try to compare myself to him when he talks about his journal publications.

Yanbu to be annoyed.

Yabu not to calmly tell your partner he’s out of line and undermining your achievements.

How he responds to that would impact on whether I decided to continue the relationship.

Ime he is reiterating the only thing interesting about himself!! My dh used to live in a fab part of the world and it's inserted into every initial meeting of every person he ever comes across. It is cringe and boring...

Talk to him. Be really honest. There’s no other way forward.

@Augustisnearlydonesogoodbyesun I hadn't thought about that. Maybe he misses doing it and that's why he brings it up.

But it's irritating in context!

Why you are wasting your life with a narcissistic, petty arsehole who goes out of his way to lessen your achievements and refuses to champion you is absolutely beyond me. I would think you are far too intelligent to be in any way dazzled by this pathetic douchebag.

He's usually lovely? Right. When his fragile little ego isn't being threatened and he's the one getting all of the attention.

Fucking hell. Get rid of him.

Tell him with all your publication success and burgeoning published novel you’re going to scope out lecturing positions. Then you’ll be Prof. PrueHal.

Ha ha @Jokingnotjoking I love it!!

Has a ring to it no?

What is he a professor in? If it's creative writing I see the problem.

@heinzseight law. So, no...

Your fault for silently seething. Why?

Tell him exactly what you think of it. After 10years, if you can't even point something out so basic to him it sound like the relationship is over anyway.

I wouldn’t “silently seethe” about this. A bit of gentle mockery could nip it in the bud. Laugh and ask him how he’s comparing the unpublished bedroom scribblings of his teenage self with your published fiction writer book launch. Get him to justify the comparison as it seems totally unrelated based on your account.

He is actually envious you didn't give up your dream. ..

When he talks about his job, tell him you remember lecturing because you gave lectures at primary school about dinosaurs for show and tell. So you know just what he means...

How is he right?

@Ivesaidenough I'm laughing thinking about how he'd react to that...🦕

Ask him questions like who was his publisher, how many copies did he sell, what were the reviews like? If he carries on then do the same to him, when he mentions studying for his phd compare it to a loosely similar but much less impressive course of study like a work place first aid course, the longer you can string out a boring explanation of how it’s exactly the same as his phd the better.

It doesn’t really matter if his achievements are more impressive, he’s being boastful and rude.