To feel annoyed when he tries to compare my achievements with himself?

[PrueHal]

My partner is a professor at a university. He's a wonderful guy but occasionally has the ego to go with it I have to say.

I have a full time job and I'm a creative writer. Over the last 10 years I've had several short stories published and my first novel is out on submission which is very exciting.

Sometimes, if I mention something that has happened at a previous book launch or event, he'll say 'oh yeah I remember that kind of thing from when I was writing fiction.' Except he wrote fiction when he was 16 and never published anything. He also talks about a novel he wrote when he was 15 seriously when I am talking about my own book as a 31 year old.

So I silently seethe and move the conversation on when he does this but I actually want to say 'your attempts as a teenager don't compare with my success as an adult. Do shut up.' Because you know what? As an adult he's very successful and it makes me feel like I can't just have this one thing for myself.

On the hand, yesterday I was stressed at work so he brought me a homemade lunch and then later ran me a bath which had a glass of wine sitting next to it when I got there

He has many good points but this very very annoying one too.

I know that’s what you did. I’m asking why you haven’t said ‘I do not like it when you do X, please stop.’ Clear, direct communication.

It wouldn’t even matter if it wasn’t a significant issue. Your partner is doing something you don’t like, so tell them and ask them to stop.

Absolutely none of this is relevant. Nobody is saying he’s a terrible person. He might be absolutely lovely in all other ways. This particular thing is upsetting you, so ask him to stop.

Why is this presenting you with such difficulty?

Margaret Atwood tells a lovely story of meeting a heart doctor at a party. he said, 'Oh when I retire I am planning to write a novel.' So she replied, 'Great. When I retire I am planning to do a little open heart surgery.'

People have no idea.

He's insecure. Wanting to be the important one in the marriage, the most interesting one. And he's slightly panicking that you're going to be very successful and will leave him, so he's being extra nice with the things that are within his control... Making you lunch, probably telling others how proud he is.

My marriage ended partly because of this. I think you need to sit down and be honest in order to give your relationship the best chance.

Congratulations on your offer!

On the hobby thing, I don't write full time. I have a job too. Yet I have nearly 30 novels out there, have won five major awards and sell a bucketload of books every year. I get fan mail!

I can't write full time as I'm single and have bills to pay. Royalties can be variable, but bills aren't!

We've all had the 'hobby' remark, just wait until the money rolls in, that tends to concentrate their minds.

Yeah. When he says he's a Professor of Law you can tell everyone about the time you did a debate in sixth form about banning smoking or something!
Him writing a story when he was 16 and using that as a comparison to your career is just as ridiculous. I wouldn't seethe. I would pull him up on it, and say what you have gere- that it feels as if he is undermining your achievements.