Mother In law left my kids with a stranger

[Caro2322]

My mother in law left my 5 and 4 years old kids with a lady (mum who had a baby and another boy) who just met at the park to go for 10 mins back to her house to pick some water for them.
when she arrived at home without them I panicked when she told me she left them with this lady she just met. she told me they were ok and they were having fun.
i was in shock I put my shoes on and ran to see them.
i understand the mum could have been a very charming lady, however she still is a completely stranger and my kids were left alone with her.

when I tried to tell her respectfully to avoid to do that ever again she just ignored me and carry on walking like it was nothing.

am I being out of line here? I felt absolutely angry and shocked.

YANBU, that was reckless. Of course most times it would be completely fine but who would take the risk that it wasn’t?

If she isn’t able to accept that what she did was wrong and promise not to do that again I wouldn’t let her have the kids on her own again.

She would never be alone with them again if she doesn't see the danger in that.

I would never trust her judgement again. I'm sure there will be legions of people saying what she did was perfectly fine, no harm done, blah, blah, blah. It's not fine. It's absolutely batshit.

I would never leave my kids in her care again. My parents are like this as well 🙈

Yeah, that's mad! But was probably fine in the 50's. I don't think you'll convince her that it's not ok.

I'm guessing this mother in law isn't in her 80s so probably wasn't looking after young children in the 50s.

My Mil and my parents were born in the late 60s, raising kids in the 90s/2000s.

This behaviour is clearly insane, even if the woman didn't have harmful intentions herself your MIL could nit have known she would properly look after your children.

That's horrific!! The fact she just ignored you and kept walking 😮

Do you need childcare from her?

In the 50s? My eldest grandchildren are older and I was born in the 70s 😂

Erm...ok. Congrats on being a youngish Granny?!

Never ever would I do this with my GC.

I'm shocked she thought this was OK.

Sure, she could be younger. It doesn't really matter does it? Whatever age she is it's unacceptable.

Well yes, my point was even if it was the norm in the 50s the MIL wouldn't have been harking back to her child rearing days as she could not have been looking after kids in the 50s.

More likely, her parenting would have been 80s-2000s when this certainly wasn't acceptable, just like it is completely insane now. So she's not thinking back to her days she's just being negligent and careless.

I don't know...there was some shocking parenting in the 80's too! Done by people born in the 50's who were thinking back to their childhood probably. Times change.

I'm generally more relaxed than the average MNetter about these things but never in a million years would I think this is OK. No way.

I admit i have asked a stranger to watch Dc for a minute if one child needed to run behind the bush for the toilet. I also did it a few times because I had twins and I needed to run out and strap one in the car then grab the other, during the impossible toddling stage it was safer than shepherding two around moving cars in a car park. But they were emergency type situations and for about two minutes.

Her judgement and arrogance makes her unsuitable to care for your children unsupervised.
That is not a normal thing to do.
Run to the car whilst they were still in her sight to collect water? Ok.
Walk 10 minutes back home?
Absolutely batshit.

You can't trust her judgement anymore op, don't leave them with her alone again.

But wait, there'll be others along to say she can do as she wishes since she was providing childcare for you, or did you explicitly tell her not to do this before she did it? She raised your partner so she must be good enough...

I once left my very young baby with a woman, grandmother age, while I went from the supermarket cafe to the car for something. I did think what am I doing but did it anyway. I still voted YANBU and serious words need to be had. I realise now why I did it but that's not the case with your MIL. She takes you seriously and respects you as the baby's mummy or she doesn't have the child alone.

when I tried to tell her respectfully to avoid to do that ever again she just ignored me and carry on walking like it was nothing

What she did with your children is bad enough, but this should be a total deal breaker for you. How fucking DARE she dismiss you like this? This woman doesn't like you at all.

I like to think myself pretty laid back but this is a huge hell no for me.

Apart from the very obvious risks, this completely undermines the message to your children not to speak to strangers!

Did they even know who they could go to if there was a problem?
If she has not listened to your concerns and is likely to undermine you again then I would say that's the last time she has them without you or your partner present.

With kids that age they easily run off into the park, my children were flight risks so that would have horrified me!! Unlikely to have chosen a serial killer or kidnapper... but you never know!
I'd have told her to go home and never leave her with the kids again!

Of course YANBU. Did she acknowledge your feelings on this at all? Any discussion? An apology?

Have you spoken to your husband about this?

Honestly if someone risked my children in this way I’d never speak to them again. I know there are people this stupid and reckless in the world because you read about them in the news, but that’s breathtaking.

Do not get emotionally black mailed by your DH that this is fine and to continue giving this woman access to your children. You would be a neglectful parent to allow this twit of a woman near your children again.

Absolutely insane.

1. The woman could have been anyone.
2. What if she had to leave?
3. What if one of your kids got injured, what's she supposed to do alone with 4 kids. Insane responsibility to put on a stranger.

She really might as well have left them there completely unattended be uase they practically were. You ask a stranger to watch your bag while you go for a wee, not to watch your kids while you nip home.