Mother In law left my kids with a stranger

[Caro2322]

My mother in law left my 5 and 4 years old kids with a lady (mum who had a baby and another boy) who just met at the park to go for 10 mins back to her house to pick some water for them.
when she arrived at home without them I panicked when she told me she left them with this lady she just met. she told me they were ok and they were having fun.
i was in shock I put my shoes on and ran to see them.
i understand the mum could have been a very charming lady, however she still is a completely stranger and my kids were left alone with her.

when I tried to tell her respectfully to avoid to do that ever again she just ignored me and carry on walking like it was nothing.

am I being out of line here? I felt absolutely angry and shocked.

Again, absolutely NOTHING to do with the era.

Nothing at all.

Decent parents never did this. Desperate, or careless and neglectful ones did.

Bad parents become bad grandparents. Just stop leaving the kids with her

🤦🏼‍♀️

So he was basically making the 6 year old responsible for the 5 and 3 year old? How reckless and a ridiculous theory, times change and what was acceptable 30 years ago, inst acceptable now.

Er I was a mother of young children in the 1980s! Are you aware that the Paedophile Information Exchange was founded in 1974 and disbanded in 1984! Don't be so naive..."before paedophiles existed" ...I can hardly believe you said that!!

Oh, I didn't know that apologies. Thanks for letting me know! You learn something new every day!

My mum would have never left me and my brother with random strangers and I trust her completely with my 4 year old DS. Age of parent/grandparent is irrelevant. It's just being lazy, irresponsible and downright dangerous.

Yep
He was a neglectful father-his attitude was 'they'll come back when they are hungry' (we always did)
He really couldn't see anything wrong with leaving a 6 year old dd in charge of her little brothers
I'm still really angry and this was 20 years ago
I'll never forget him screaming in my face about how wrong I was and how he was going to 'phone social services on you as your the neglectful one by not letting the kids have any freedom!'
I mean,I'm all for kids having independence,but not on a busy Saturday,in a large city centre,aged 6 and under and close to a huge river!

No way she couldn't have done that! She would never take those kids out again! Big woman like that could be so careless! Unacceptable!

This one hundred per cent! She is NOT to be left with your kids ever again!

Reminds me of daughters 4th birthday - you know, one day older than 3. My Mums partner if many years took her to the gift shop at a safari park. 5 minute walk from cafe where we were all sat.

He trundles back on his own saying she can't decide so I've left her there to look round.

WTAF!

My sprinting legs were called back from 1985 and I was in there as fast as possible. Going in every direction, looking in every direction, I found her in a corner browsing random tat. A young couple were keeping an eye on her, as they said she was with a man who walked off!

Fucks sake.

YANBU

I feel like I've just relived that - and breathe 🤣 She's 15 now!

It reminds me of when my DH took my 2 year old and 4 year old to the park. 4 year old needed the loo so he sent her to the nearby cafe alone to use the loo! 10 minutes go by and a mum comes into the park asking around if anyone is missing a little girl as there is one hysterical and trapped in a cubical in the cafe! I was so cross and he was so ashamed when they came home and told me all about their ordeal.

My daughter is a teenager now and still won’t lock cubical doors in case she gets trapped.

We all have brain farts at times but what is shocking is that your MIL still doesn’t accept what she did was wrong.

How old do you think the MIL must be?! The 50s were 70 years ago.

That's ok. And thankyou for accepting so graciously rather than starting a daft argument.

Sadly paedophilia is a condition that presumably has always been around. The difference nowadays is that it is less likely to be ignored (although that does happen); less accepted; less swept under the carpet; more often reported; and generally I think people are more aware of possible signs of abuse. However the internet has opened up a new can of worms sadly

It wasnt considered acceptable 30 years ago OR 40 years ago when my children were little!

Yup!

Wow! Beyond irresponsible. She'd not be allowed to look after my children after that!!!
My MIL lost my son as she was chatting at the school and he walked off to find the car - he was 3! We found other childcare options after that!

The 50s?? I mean, do the maths.

Even if the woman had a kid at 18 in, say, 1955, she'd be close to ninety now. More to the point her daughter-in-law - the OP - would probably be approaching seventy. So she'd be pretty unlikely to have kids of 4 and 5 that needed leaving with anyone in the park.

And, incidentally, what would have made it fine in the 50s?

My MiL left my then 4 and 5 year old daughters watching TV while she went to the local shops about 20 minutes away. She didn't want to disturb them. They were both pretty distressed when they couldn't find her! Context this was abroad, my dds didn't speak the local language very well and were unfamiliar with the area.
I'm pretty sure that was the last time she looked after them!.

Its never been acceptable to me, however lots of people thought it was. All my mates would play out in the street but our dad wouldn't let us. I'm the same with mine.

Just let it go and make sure that’s she never in charge/left alone with them again. Tell your husband that it’s non negotiable and don’t make an announcement.

The chances of it being fine are of course high but no way on earth should anyone take that risk. The lady I’m sure was lovely, but what if she wasn’t all she seemed? Or what if she had problems with someone else?

I’m honestly amazed she agreed to watch the kids, and I guess credit to her in some ways for that, but I think she should have said no. If I was her I wouldn’t want to accept the risks from her end either.

Of course it’s a big deal and red line!