Mother In law left my kids with a stranger

[Caro2322]

My mother in law left my 5 and 4 years old kids with a lady (mum who had a baby and another boy) who just met at the park to go for 10 mins back to her house to pick some water for them.
when she arrived at home without them I panicked when she told me she left them with this lady she just met. she told me they were ok and they were having fun.
i was in shock I put my shoes on and ran to see them.
i understand the mum could have been a very charming lady, however she still is a completely stranger and my kids were left alone with her.

when I tried to tell her respectfully to avoid to do that ever again she just ignored me and carry on walking like it was nothing.

am I being out of line here? I felt absolutely angry and shocked.

Hang on, we don't know how OP said it! She says she tried to say it respectfully... Personally I wouldn't have been respectful to anyone who put my DC in danger like that and this woman would've been in no doubt that she fucked up. Sounds like OP was wayyyy too soft & gentle and so the MIL thinks OP was fine with it!

@jannier Absolute nonsense! As I've said a few comments ago, I have young DC and my mum was born in 1944 and my dad in 1939!!
Just because most people born in 30s/40s/50s would have kids in their sixties now, doesn't mean that's always the bloody case!

Wow ! That’s awful

My husband's GRANDmother is in her 80s and raised kids in the 60s. She definitely would have done this -- and worse! She left a 5yo in charge of his 2yo cousin at the zoo while she visited a friend. It's strange because she seems so sensible now.

I think it's likely to have been okay but not great judgement. The woman might have needed to go urgently and, as a stranger, might just have left the kids there.

Reminds me of the time my MIL left my 2 year old stood alone in the open front door (whilst we were in the living room, oblivious) as she decided to swap the cars about in the driveway. But it was ok because DD didn’t move and was just watching the cars.

In MIL’s case, it was about maintaining control over ‘looking after’ DD and not relinquishing that control. All she had to do was open the living room door to pass DD to us.

Not that it matters but was that 10 minutes in total, or 10 minutes back to her house, then 10 minutes back to the park?

Sorry, what? Your eldest gc are older than who? What's you being a young gm got to do with anything

I think we can all agree the 1950's statement was batshit/bad maths without a million personal examples proving the PP wrong!

It would have been ok if there was SOME connection there, even just recognising the woman from a mother & baby group.
But the fact that it was a total stranger is not ok.

what does your partner think?

Personally I think this is crazy. It must have been scary for your kids, and the woman at the park must have felt awkward having to wait with them and not be able to go about her day. That’s immense pressure to put on a stranger. What if her kid or baby needed her, she can’t keep her eyes on your kids as well

Gm here . Never in a million years .

That's a 20 minute round trip. I bet the stranger didn't realise what she was agreeing to either.

I'm so glad for you that your children are safe and happy, and have no clue what happened today. I'd never let her have responsibility for your children again. What happened today showed a basic disregard for their safety. She cannot be trusted with simple care.

I was so very chilled about these things back in the 00s with my own. What happened to you today would have made my skin crawl back then and has right now.

All the best navigating telling her she's never having them again.

This was absolutely NEVER normal parenting, in any era. Never.

Careless parents have always existed and got away with more with less pushback in the days before the internet, that's true. And sometimes people were pushed into really difficult choices about leaving their kids unattended - and sometimes still are through bad luck and desperate times.

That's not what happened here, at all, of course.

Your mil sounds like she has a messed up way of assessing risks. That won't change. She is not a safe person to leave your children with unsupervised. She will always think she's right.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/our-cognitive-emotions/202202/why-some-people-are-better-assessing-risk-others

Just take her out of the equation altogether, no discussion or argument. Your children's safety matters, her feelings about being prevented from harming your children don't matter at all.

My mil did this twice but took onboard feedback both times. First time was with a complete stranger outside a shop while she nipped in. DS was in a big pram and she didn't want to wake him. The second time was when she roped in her friend to mind the baby while she went to an appointment. The difference was although she genuinely thought it was ok in both scenarios, once she realised I wasn't happy she apologised and it didn't happen again.

Leaving a baby in a pram for a minute while you go into a shop is unacceptable but far, far less risky than dumping children in a park with a stranger for a 20-30 minute stroll there and back. Asking a friend to mind the baby is not comparable at all, while unacceptable she did know the friend and had risk assessed them.

And she apologised.

These are not similar situations.

My concern is who the flip are the 6% who think the op is being unreasonable. Hoping they’ve just mislaid their glasses..

I got in a muddle as a new mum on a bus when I had to pack down my buggy so I handed 4 month Dd to another passenger while I did so. Felt bad but genuinely didn’t see another solution.

On our very first outing after their birth with my m’n’law to Sainsbury’s as our twins were born prem - I took one twin a a trolley and the other twin went with my m’n’law. I found my second twin in a trolley with the security guard at the shops entry - my m’n’law had left our son with the security guard while she went to line up to buy stamps.

All of this!

Im a gran and id never leave my grandkids with a stranger...not even for a minute

My God what an idiot, kids have accidentally been ran over by their parents in situations like this! The little ones see parent/grandparent get into the car and they follow. Awful case like this happened locally.

I would never leave this woman in charge of my children again.

Utter error of judgement

Given her reckless actions and her arrogant attitude, I'd never allow her to take the children out alone again.

Never let her have any unsupervised contact with your children again

This feels like a cultural mismatch. I have family from a high trust everybody basically knows everybody culture where this would be fine. I agree it’s utterly insane but I’d imagine she is mortified which might be why she’s not engaging with and wouldn’t dream of doing it out of carelessness. That said, is there a history of disrespect between you? Does she act entitled with you generally?