Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To send the screenshots

121 replies

Scornorbescorned · 19/08/2024 09:12

This is a long one so sorry in advance.

About 12 years ago I was in a casual relationship with a guy. He ended up getting 'the other woman' pregnant and marrying her.

I married had a child and divorced in this time.

We kind of kept in touch about once every three months or so and after one too many glasses of wine I told him about the divorce. He said he was separated and we should meet for a drink.

I said I wouldn't go near him until he was definitely separated/divorced and communication went quiet.

A few weeks later he sent me a message saying it was all over he was living at his mum's divorce was going through - we met for a drink.

We got on well and met a few more times but eventually I found out that he hadn't separated and was still with his wife.

Yesterday I went for a few drinks with my friends and his wife was in the same bar and started shouting "homewrecker" "dirty slag" "lock up your husbands" so I left the bar to stop the scene and went home.

This morning I have woken up to a lot of missed calls from his number and an unknown number and a load of abusive text messages threatening to come to my house and shout my business for the whole street to hear.

I know I'm in the wrong for getting involved with a married man but should I just send her the screenshots of him saying it was all over between them?

One of my friends has also seen the guy active on a well known online dating site.

OP posts:
Eyelinerwonky · 22/08/2024 07:35

I think I’d send the screenshots then block and delete. Sounds like she’s been fed lies and to be honest I’d prefer to know that.

But, it all sounds like a situation that’s getting out of control and I’m not sure if you should do this. I equally wouldn’t want people coming to my home.

Otherstories2002 · 22/08/2024 07:36

Scornorbescorned · 19/08/2024 10:36

Stupid me eh believing what I was told ....

Show quote history

Yes. Stupid you. He was hitting on you whilst still with his wife. You knew what you were doing. You promised him was if he left his wife. He is not innocent but you are actually a homewrecker.

Victoriancat · 22/08/2024 09:06

Heck yeah I'd send them.

Paisleyb · 22/08/2024 09:20

Absolutely send them.
Tell her you will put them up on FB for all to see and contact the police if she comes near you again.

Bear65 · 22/08/2024 13:18

Nonononoway · 19/08/2024 09:19

Send them, she deserves the truth. Block and delete.

Thisb

Widower2014 · 22/08/2024 13:42

Scornorbescorned · 19/08/2024 09:12

This is a long one so sorry in advance.

About 12 years ago I was in a casual relationship with a guy. He ended up getting 'the other woman' pregnant and marrying her.

I married had a child and divorced in this time.

We kind of kept in touch about once every three months or so and after one too many glasses of wine I told him about the divorce. He said he was separated and we should meet for a drink.

I said I wouldn't go near him until he was definitely separated/divorced and communication went quiet.

A few weeks later he sent me a message saying it was all over he was living at his mum's divorce was going through - we met for a drink.

We got on well and met a few more times but eventually I found out that he hadn't separated and was still with his wife.

Yesterday I went for a few drinks with my friends and his wife was in the same bar and started shouting "homewrecker" "dirty slag" "lock up your husbands" so I left the bar to stop the scene and went home.

This morning I have woken up to a lot of missed calls from his number and an unknown number and a load of abusive text messages threatening to come to my house and shout my business for the whole street to hear.

I know I'm in the wrong for getting involved with a married man but should I just send her the screenshots of him saying it was all over between them?

One of my friends has also seen the guy active on a well known online dating site.

If u didn't have sex, just talking isn't a crime.

Send her the screenshots and send to the unknown number

whereisthelifethatirecognize · 22/08/2024 14:04

I would 100% send the screenshots to the unknown number(s) because you know it's her/her friends, with a note saying you ended it within seconds of discovering he'd been lying to you.

Original poster
Scornorbescorned · 22/08/2024 14:06

There was absolutely no sex.
We went for coffee or to the pub in the daytime.
I haven't sent the screenshots and she hasn't been round to my house so I'm guessing he's talked her round.

OP posts:
Roytheboy · 22/08/2024 14:12

He sounds like the age old definition of the dog with 2 dicks. Just tell them both to wee wee off and forget about them unless you want to bang him then just tell her to jog on.

KreedKafer · 22/08/2024 14:20

Personally, I would absolutely be sending her the screenshots of his messages to you and of him on the online dating site. Why should you take the abuse when you're not the one who did anything wrong?!

I had a similar thing happen to me many years ago - ex boyfriend started seeing another woman while we were still together, I didn't know about her, and she didn't know about me. She then found out about me and basically accused me of being some sort of monstrous slag who'd seduced her boyfriend, which was the story he'd told her. Given that I had no idea she existed - and I had been seeing him for 18 months before he even met her - this seemed rather unfair.

I absolutely did, quite happily, send her a whole bundle of proof that she, in fact, had been 'the other woman' rather than me, and told her she was more than welcome to him.

They got married, she proved to be basically insane and he ended up having to divorce her after she gave him a black eye and set fire to his car, and then he had a nervous breakdown. So, y'know, all's well that ends well.

Original poster
Scornorbescorned · 22/08/2024 14:25

KreedKafer · 22/08/2024 14:20

Personally, I would absolutely be sending her the screenshots of his messages to you and of him on the online dating site. Why should you take the abuse when you're not the one who did anything wrong?!

I had a similar thing happen to me many years ago - ex boyfriend started seeing another woman while we were still together, I didn't know about her, and she didn't know about me. She then found out about me and basically accused me of being some sort of monstrous slag who'd seduced her boyfriend, which was the story he'd told her. Given that I had no idea she existed - and I had been seeing him for 18 months before he even met her - this seemed rather unfair.

I absolutely did, quite happily, send her a whole bundle of proof that she, in fact, had been 'the other woman' rather than me, and told her she was more than welcome to him.

They got married, she proved to be basically insane and he ended up having to divorce her after she gave him a black eye and set fire to his car, and then he had a nervous breakdown. So, y'know, all's well that ends well.

Jeez hope it doesn't go that far
But all seems quiet and I'm guessing she'd had a lot to drink and maybe regretting her actions now

OP posts:
mamajong · 22/08/2024 14:27

Personally I've always preferred dignified silence but if you think it will clear your name and make you feel better go for it. Based on the fact that he got someone pregnant while you were seeing each other before and now he's lied again I'd also consider cutting all contact with him and moving on

MyTwinklyPanda · 22/08/2024 15:15

Typical cheating male! Push the blame on to you whilst he sits there all innocent.

Please send a copy of everything to her. He's been hedging his bets, keeping you sweet for years by the sounds of it as well as others.

You are best off out of his life, but you definitely need to stick up for yourself. Send her everything and tell you don't want any contact with her unless she speaks to you reasonably. If she continues to blame you block her and him. Walk away with some dignity.

Best of luck and please keep us updated as I'd like to know when he gets his face slapped and kicked out.

ThisFunHedgehog · 22/08/2024 15:21

Send the screenshots. Questionable that you guys were still keeping in touch when both married though.

Dinkydo12 · 22/08/2024 15:22

Yeah send screen shots not just to her but the people you were with when she made a show of herself. Then block them both. If she does show up at your business call the police as its harassment/stalking.

theemmadilemma · 22/08/2024 15:30

If she's the type to shout across a bar, possibly she's still cut about the time 12 years ago and doesn't even know the latest?

KreedKafer · 22/08/2024 15:50

Scornorbescorned · 22/08/2024 14:25

Jeez hope it doesn't go that far
But all seems quiet and I'm guessing she'd had a lot to drink and maybe regretting her actions now

Show quote history

Probably. She's embarrassed herself by behaving like that, I reckon. Or at the very least, got it out of her system.

Jodethenutter · 22/08/2024 17:31

He clearly is the problem here,having his cake & eating it..I'd make her aware of the sort of bloke she is with. Tell her you fell for his bullshit,more fool you..block em both n move on..nothing to be gained from having any more contact with the cheating scum.

PolePrince55 · 22/08/2024 17:39

"He's definitely not the monogamous type and I should have known from my first experience with him not to get involved"
*
She should have known too x

Send the screen shots*

Sassybooklover · 22/08/2024 17:46

Send the screenshots. Say, 'instead of blaming me, perhaps you need to blame your husband who told me he'd divorced you! He lied to me, and he's clearly been lying to you, and I ended it, when I realised he'd lied'. Then block both of them, put it down to experience and move on.

BonneMaman77 · 22/08/2024 17:51

The woman shouted at you meaning that he must have told her something that doesn’t put you in a good light. Lied to you and lied about you and it’s now your name that is being dragged through the mud. She also has no right to shout at you the way she did and direct her rage which should have been directed at her womanising husband.

You do need to stand up for yourself and speak up for yourself.
Send her the screenshot and tell her never to speak to you or approach you like that again.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page