To send the screenshots

[Scornorbescorned]

This is a long one so sorry in advance.

About 12 years ago I was in a casual relationship with a guy. He ended up getting 'the other woman' pregnant and marrying her.

I married had a child and divorced in this time.

We kind of kept in touch about once every three months or so and after one too many glasses of wine I told him about the divorce. He said he was separated and we should meet for a drink.

I said I wouldn't go near him until he was definitely separated/divorced and communication went quiet.

A few weeks later he sent me a message saying it was all over he was living at his mum's divorce was going through - we met for a drink.

We got on well and met a few more times but eventually I found out that he hadn't separated and was still with his wife.

Yesterday I went for a few drinks with my friends and his wife was in the same bar and started shouting "homewrecker" "dirty slag" "lock up your husbands" so I left the bar to stop the scene and went home.

This morning I have woken up to a lot of missed calls from his number and an unknown number and a load of abusive text messages threatening to come to my house and shout my business for the whole street to hear.

I know I'm in the wrong for getting involved with a married man but should I just send her the screenshots of him saying it was all over between them?

One of my friends has also seen the guy active on a well known online dating site.

Really, don't engage with this woman. Her husband will only tell her you've doctored the screenshots or whatever, and then there will be more drama. It's understandable she's upset but the sort of person who creates a scene in a public place and bombards you with messages is the sort of person who enjoys a row and wants to turn her life into a soap opera; you don't want to be a character in her latest 'EastEnders' episode.

Usually I think it's not worth entertaining their drama but considering this woman behaved as she did in public and now sending you year threatening messages I would send her the screenshots and then block both her and the man.

I'd probably burn all my bridges and put it online and tag them both and tell them to sort their drama out instead of dragging me into it in a pub slanging match and leave me out of it. Leave it up for a few hours then take it down.

Nice bit of victim blaming. What proof should she have asked for ?

She didn't have to ask for proof.

Neither did she have to take it at face value that he was oh so conveniently single as well after a few weeks of her telling him that she was single.

I think at lot of us wouldn't have fallen for it.

I'd send them, so she knows the truth, then block also contact local police, they might want to talk to her about harassment and malicious communications.

Yeah send her the screenshots, she can do what she wants with the truth. If she harasses you again then block her and possibly have a word with the police.

Yes send them

Too much drama.

Block both of them.

I also think send them, and say something like

”Dear Sue. You have every right to feel betrayed and angry, but I am not the one who cheated on you. I didn’t know Larry was still in a relationship when I started seeing him, and I ended it when I found out he was. I am angry and sorry we have both been treated like this by him. I am sending you some screenshots so that you can see that what I saying is true. I don’t want any further contact or drama, I will not be contacting Larry again and I wish you happiness in the future. Best wishes, Tallulah Von Hinkelhoffen.”

You are in no way at fault here! You were/are single he lied. Send them darl, send them! I'm so petty that if wifey wants to go loud in a public area I'd be posting online too!

I said I wouldn't go near him until he was definitely separated/divorced and communication went quiet.

If she has read his messages she might see this as you trying to break up their marriage. As in "leave your wife then I'll get with you" kind of thing.

Send them. With a cover message like Blink suggested. Then block and be done.

Send the screenshots

Oh definitely send them.

I'd send a covering message saying you ended things as soon as you found out he was not actually separated at all, and that you want nothing more to do with him.

i don’t think you’ve handled this properly sorry

i would report her to the police

nothing you can say will stop her abusing you, the screenshots don’t matter. Don’t play into her silly games

Also I don’t think your explanation of the story paints you in a good light. You can simply say you asked him if his divorce was final and later messaged you and he said yes. Following this she abused you in person and threats via phone and you are worried about her acting on it.

I’d also normally say not to engage, but in this instance I would-

“Please see attached screen shots. I met your husband because he told me you were no longer together and were living apart. When I realised this wasn’t true, I refused to see him again.

I won’t be replying to further communication from either of you, whether in person or digital. Please stop contacting me. I will consider any further communication harassment and will be logging as such with the police.”

Not one of you in this faux-threesome have covered yourselves in glory

I wouldn't send screenshots. If she sees messages where you "said nothing until it's officially over between you and your wife" then it's hardly going to disabuse her of the notion that you're a "homewrecker", especially if she sees a decade of regular communication between you and her husband since you were last together.

Think you're best off leaving them be, clearly you're not good for each other.

Send all relevant texts and information so that the wife is no longer ignorant. Say sorry - you thought he was single. Apologise and state you will not be conversing with him again and could she please stop harrassing you.

Then if the harrassment continues, warn that you will be contacting the police.

Send her his message saying they were divorcing and this message of yours to him too.
She has been lied to by him and deserves to know the truth.
Then tell her you're blocking both of them and don't want to heer from either again. And block.

I'd send her the screenshots and a message - you don't want to be dealing with her screaming at you in public if you bump into her again.

But honestly, what were you thinking? This bloke has already cheated on you once and you thought he'd be a good get for another go?

The wife sounds absolutely awful lol