To send the screenshots

[Scornorbescorned]

This is a long one so sorry in advance.

About 12 years ago I was in a casual relationship with a guy. He ended up getting 'the other woman' pregnant and marrying her.

I married had a child and divorced in this time.

We kind of kept in touch about once every three months or so and after one too many glasses of wine I told him about the divorce. He said he was separated and we should meet for a drink.

I said I wouldn't go near him until he was definitely separated/divorced and communication went quiet.

A few weeks later he sent me a message saying it was all over he was living at his mum's divorce was going through - we met for a drink.

We got on well and met a few more times but eventually I found out that he hadn't separated and was still with his wife.

Yesterday I went for a few drinks with my friends and his wife was in the same bar and started shouting "homewrecker" "dirty slag" "lock up your husbands" so I left the bar to stop the scene and went home.

This morning I have woken up to a lot of missed calls from his number and an unknown number and a load of abusive text messages threatening to come to my house and shout my business for the whole street to hear.

I know I'm in the wrong for getting involved with a married man but should I just send her the screenshots of him saying it was all over between them?

One of my friends has also seen the guy active on a well known online dating site.

@IsItAMidLifeCrisis

yeah, but the OP hasn't done anything wrong & the wife was screaming it all over the pub that she's a home wrecker & whore.

she needs to take it out on the bloke not the OP

@systemicmotivations

i don't think she was. He & the OP were casual, he was also seeing another woman (not the 'other woman') as many people do in casual relationships.

I said I wouldn't go near him until he was definitely separated/divorced and communication went quiet.

A few weeks later he sent me a message saying it was all over he was living at his mum's divorce was going through - we met for a drink.

We got on well and met a few more times but eventually I found out that he hadn't separated and was still with his wife.

Did you miss these bits?

Yes it could cause heartache, but it could also help a woman see what kind of man she’s with, and choose to leave him.

I'd send them, shes blaming OP for all the fallout.

Its not OPs fault that shes married to a dick

Out of interest what would you do if you saw the woman your husband was shagging in a bar? ‘Sophie!! Hi! How do you do? Well don’t you look lovely? Is that Zara?’

@Tahlbias because you live the person you're with, it's emotionally easier to 'believe' it's all the other persons doing, tempting/drawing them away. When you have to admit to yourself HE went willingly it hurts like fuck. Hopefully you never have to deal with it yourself x

@SummerSplashing I've read the original post again and yes I see what you mean. It sounds like he was either having a casual relationship with both women or that OP was also the OW 12 years ago despite not realising it.

This! ⬆️

@Moveoverdarlin

mot make a complete show of myself, by screaming that at her, that's for sure. Way to go letting everyone know your partner has been fucking around!

Years ago I would have given her an incredibly filthy look and spoken to her privately, asking WTF she thought she was playing at fucking my husband....

these days I'd just ask her if she knew he was married and take it from there, but quietly, not shouting my mouth off in the pub.

@systemicmotivations

Yeah, always hard to know who knew/thought what - even when you're one of the people involved...

But you didn't get together with a married man.

You got together with a man who said he was definitely getting a divorce after you said you weren't getting in lived until separation was official.

I think sending her the screenshots is an option.

Or better still contact the police via 101 and report harassment and the threats and give them the screenshots.

Maybe better for you in the long run if they a) are the ones who tell her to back off and b)are the ones to inform her that her cheating husband told you he was divorcing.

What are you waiting for? Just send them. There’s nothing to lose now.

Send the screenshots and then ask yourself why you were ‘seeing’ a guy who cheated on you and got another woman pregnant? You can’t be that desperate?! He sounds like a complete loser.

Likely ignore. What would I achieve by shouting at her in a pub and then calling her repeatedly and threatening to make a scene in her neighbourhood? I am sorry but I have more class than this and I highly doubt my husband, friends or the OW would think better of me making an ugly scene. Or do you think her husband ran to her with apologies and suddenly realise she is the love of his life just because she called someone a slag? Quite the opposite, I imagine.
I was in this situation and I just walked out of the venue for my own sanity. Nobody needs this upset that leads to zero favourable outcome for anyone.

Yup - I'd be sending those screenshots! Then blocking them.

Send her the screenshots and then block them both.

I have dealt with it myself. It's easy to blame the other person. She knew, but he was in the wrong too.

Well unfortunately in this situation!

I suppose I'm cynical because I would wonder what the chances are that this bloke that I was with 12yrs ago who I've kept in touch with all this time is suddenly single just weeks after me telling him that I am!

i would ask if she wanted to see the screenshots and send them
to her if she did.

my ex was cheating and one of the other women got hold of his phone and took photos etc of the chats. She asked if I wanted to see them and I said yes.

it hurt like fuck but meant there was no “he says” she says It was there in black and white.

In this situation I would send anything that proves you thought he was single, and the ones ending it when you realised he wasn't.

Advise her that if the abuse continues, you will be informing the police.

To be honest on this situation I’d not stand for that,and send the screenshots. No comment. Just send the images.

With behaviour like hers, she deserves nothing.

I would've shown her the screenshot in the bar and apologised for believing her scumbag husband.

I would definitely send her the messages now and share with any mutual friends as I'm sure they will have spread rumors about you.

She deserves to know he's the liar and homewreckers. You did nothing wrong. I find it odd that others find it odd you kept in touch. I've kept in touch with men I've dated- just because they weren't the love of my life doesn't mean I don't want to be mates with a couple of them!

Do you need or want all this drama in your life op he`s not worth it.
Block all of them and move on.