To send the screenshots

[Scornorbescorned]

This is a long one so sorry in advance.

About 12 years ago I was in a casual relationship with a guy. He ended up getting 'the other woman' pregnant and marrying her.

I married had a child and divorced in this time.

We kind of kept in touch about once every three months or so and after one too many glasses of wine I told him about the divorce. He said he was separated and we should meet for a drink.

I said I wouldn't go near him until he was definitely separated/divorced and communication went quiet.

A few weeks later he sent me a message saying it was all over he was living at his mum's divorce was going through - we met for a drink.

We got on well and met a few more times but eventually I found out that he hadn't separated and was still with his wife.

Yesterday I went for a few drinks with my friends and his wife was in the same bar and started shouting "homewrecker" "dirty slag" "lock up your husbands" so I left the bar to stop the scene and went home.

This morning I have woken up to a lot of missed calls from his number and an unknown number and a load of abusive text messages threatening to come to my house and shout my business for the whole street to hear.

I know I'm in the wrong for getting involved with a married man but should I just send her the screenshots of him saying it was all over between them?

One of my friends has also seen the guy active on a well known online dating site.

I'm curious as to why you kept in touch with this loser for all those years? Just block the numbers and stay away from him and hope that this blows over. You can't blame his wife for being pissed off that you've been having an affair with her husband. He lied to you but why would you have jumped into a relationship with him the minute he apparently separated?

I would send them. Then ignore any further contact. Totally ignore any further responses that way you get the last word, get your point across and keep your dignity. But you must ignore any messages she sends you.

Not sure twice amounts to copious but I get what you mean.

I know I was in the wrong that's why I left the bar to stop it getting out of hand.

I wasn't going to sit there and be abused or argue with her.

We kept in touch all this time because of the old I was more into him than he was me.

Because I was the other woman?
Unintentionally or not I was still a part of it

I would send the screen shots to hopefully stop her contacting you. Then I'd block them both and move on

This!

You seem to be getting a hard time OP.

I agree that given how he behaved when you first knew him was an indicator of what type of guy he is and should have been a warning not to get involved again.
But you did and you can't change that.

As soon as you knew he was feeding you lies about his marriage you ended things.
I think the fact you saw them together and he was being affectionate with her shows what a treacherous liar he is - behaving like a happy family man when he was actually involved with you.

So yes she should be shown the truth of what he did behind her back. Send her the screenshots and then try and ignore the pair of them.

I would send her the screenshots. Apparently, it's always the OW fault. Why can't it be the OH fault instead? If the OW was aware, then fair enough!

All things considered... Girl. You know he's not a good catch right?

He sleeps around, lies constantly, leads women on.

Don't expect he'll treat you any better. Block all the numbers associated with him and move on.

Fuck me, I see the nutters are out in force again blaming you and doing a lot of guess work 🙄

OP, I can only go on what you've told us and to me, you're not in the wrong here. Your 'man friend' is. He's a cheating piece of shit and all of his DWs fury should be directed at him. However, it isn't and if it were me I would absolutely send her the screenshots and tell her that if she continues to harass you, you will report it to the police.

It's an unfortunate way to learn a lesson but we've all done something we wished we hadn't. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

Plus, well done for leaving the pub when she kicked off, you're a better woman than me.

Absolutely send the screenshots

Im confused in your op it doesn’t seem as if they’re still together. I read it as he is separated, you weee on a date, bumped into his ex and lost it… is that right? What did he say? Did he say oh actually we are still together?

Send them, then block them both!

If you send the screen shots do you think she'll take any notice or just think that they're fake?

I mean honestly though.

He went quiet for a few weeks & then lo & behold he was separated & you fell for it?

In this situation I would send them. Then block/ignore/don’t engage, and move on with your life thanking your stars for your lucky escape!

No - we communicated by text I said nothing until it's officially over between you and your wife a few weeks later said all over lets go for a drink.
Found out they were still together ended it
Was in the bar with my friends and she started the abuse

Stupid me eh believing what I was told ....

I would send the screenshots with a message “I’m sorry you think I’m a home wrecker, but I feel you should know that he told me he was single, as these screenshots prove”.
Then don’t engage any more.

@Scornorbescorned

I would & plaster them all over your Social Media.

IF she'd spoken to me quietly and allowed me to explain I wouldn't, but going all out at you in the pub, she gets all barrels.

I wouldn't stop at just thise messages either, I'd post others that would incriminate him.

You could cause a lot of heartache sending those screenshots, if they are trying to make their marriage work.

However, she sounds 'mature' screaming at you across the pub - this is not acceptable - how you didn't put her in her place I don't know.

There's nothing to say you can't contact her and tell her what went on and put her straight for your own peace of mind and then just block them both, then she can choose to believe you or not, but she won't get to see what exactly he has sent to you.

Yes send them