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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Over sensitive?

84 replies

spanieleyes22 · 18/08/2024 23:57

So I was at a wedding over the weekend. I didn't know anyone except the bride. In the bedroom next door was another single mother. Have to tell you boring background so as not to drip feed! Anyway long story short I think she sensed I was a bit
Nervous and she said don't worry I'll introduce you to everyone etc etc. just to say she abandoned me first chance she got on the wedding day. It was fine I talked to people etc etc. Then this morn there was a brunch at 11 and me and my ds were up and awake before her and her dd so we waited for them as we could hear them getting up. So we set off for the brek. It was buffet style so we both got some
Food and drink and sat down and I was ready for a chat but almost
Immediately she got up and took her plate and drink and said I'm
Going to sit over there. And she just went over to some other people and left me
Sitting there alone. I was hurt I can't lie. I had been kind to her over the couple of days-I gave her hayfever pills I listened to her talking about her recent illness and how difficult
She is finding her dd who's 15. I finished my brek and went back
To my room. Really wanted to have a little
Cry but didn't allow
Myself
To. Had been hard for me to talk to so many people I didn't know etc. anyway. I won't prob see her again for a v long
Time
If ever!!! AIB oversensitive

OP posts:
IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 19/08/2024 00:03

I think it's difficult. You went knowing you didn't know anyone apart from the bride. The lady spent some time with you but probably didn't want to be stuck with a stranger/ one person all day and if by the sounds of it knew other people too.

Charlieeeeee · 19/08/2024 00:13

So the bride left you or the single mother did? But you weren't alone, you were with your DS?

Imtryingnottoworry · 19/08/2024 00:18

It sounds as though you did really well on the wedding day , talking to people. It's a difficult social.situation to be in when you only knew the bride .

You also went out of your way to be pleasant to this woman. But she wasn't up for reciprocating. Sounds as though she knew other people there and wasn't kind enough or polite enough to spend time with you. Some people are like that. I wouldn't take it personally OP. It's to do with her and her personality, not you.

Try and take the positives out of the wedding experience - the wedding day itself and the fact you handled a difficult social situation.

savethatkitty · 19/08/2024 00:20

Don't put your faith in strangers. She didn't know you, so chalk it up to experience.

NewName24 · 19/08/2024 00:23

What @IDontLoveTheWayYouLie said.

she obviously chatted to you over some of the weekend, but she presumably also wanted to catch up with people she knew. She wasn't there to look after you. You made the decision to accept the invitation without knowing many people, and you did have your dc with you, so weren't alone.

Original poster
spanieleyes22 · 19/08/2024 00:32

Yeh just to say I had my ds with me but never saw him as he was off with the other teens that were there. Also I wasn't a bit clingy to this woman. When we got to the reception and I realized she had no interest talking to me I just accepted it and didn't go near her for the rest of the day. Also to say she didn't know anyone either. Only the bride. Anyway yeh it's fine I'm fine.

Sometimes I think im too nice to people and they use me and walk all over me. Maybe it's better to be more aloof. Maybe people try harder with you then.

OP posts:
Original poster
spanieleyes22 · 19/08/2024 00:35

Feel like she was very fake. Used me on the morning of the wedding and took me up on my offer to give her some hayfever pills and different little. Things like that. I was very kind to Her in the mprning of wedding.helping her with her hair and listening to her stories that were actually pretty boring ha ha

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 19/08/2024 01:12

I don't think saying she abandoned you is fair, really. She wasn't there with you and wanted to do her own thing. She wasn't obligated to be connected at the hip.

Then this morn there was a brunch at 11 and me and my ds were up and awake before her and her dd so we waited for them as we could hear them getting up. So we set off for the brek.

I'm not trying to be harsh, but I think you really overstepped here. She didn't ask you to wait for her and her daughter, and she may really have not appreciated it. She didn't agree to join you for breakfast, so you really couldn't have expected her to sit with you.

Original poster
spanieleyes22 · 19/08/2024 01:48

Aquamarine1029 · 19/08/2024 01:12

I don't think saying she abandoned you is fair, really. She wasn't there with you and wanted to do her own thing. She wasn't obligated to be connected at the hip.

Then this morn there was a brunch at 11 and me and my ds were up and awake before her and her dd so we waited for them as we could hear them getting up. So we set off for the brek.

I'm not trying to be harsh, but I think you really overstepped here. She didn't ask you to wait for her and her daughter, and she may really have not appreciated it. She didn't agree to join you for breakfast, so you really couldn't have expected her to sit with you.

Well I guess you're right. How mean of me to wait to go down to breakfast with her.

I still think she could have chatted to me
For the time it took to eat a bit of breakfast. I'm not that horrible!! Or she could
Have said come on let's sit with these people and included me.

I honestly had left her totally alone and free to
Do her own thing for the whole wedding I wasn't a bit clingy. She was the one who said to me don't worry I'll introduce you to everyone. And then totally ignored me. Wouldn't have killed her to introduce me
To the people
She was talking
To at the beginning of
The reception

OP posts:
Sweetsweettoot · 19/08/2024 04:10

Maybe she realised after spending time with you that you had some big differences, political/religious/you're loud/silly laugh etc etc and so she backed away?

Original poster
spanieleyes22 · 19/08/2024 05:04

Sweetsweettoot · 19/08/2024 04:10

Maybe she realised after spending time with you that you had some big differences, political/religious/you're loud/silly laugh etc etc and so she backed away?

lol we definitely didn't talk politics or religion. Yeh obvs she decided she didn't like me. I thought I was extra nice to her tbh.
She did a lot of the talking and I thought I responded appropriately but hey ho you are probably right.

OP posts:
skilpadde · 19/08/2024 05:17

Perhaps during your conversations she realised you were finding her boring and didn't want to feel she was imposing herself on you, so she went off to speak with people who's be less bored of her stories about her illness and her daughter.

You and this woman were strangers, and had no obligation to each other at any time. You went to the wedding knowing you only knew the bride and would have to make an effort to speak with strangers. It sounds like you need to just reframe it, and not focus your thinking on what this woman did or not do for you.

MagneticSquirrel · 19/08/2024 05:18

Oversensitive.

Then this morn there was a brunch at 11 and me and my ds were up and awake before her and her dd so we waited for them as we could hear them getting up. So we set off for the brek. It was buffet style so we both got some …

Why didn’t you just go to breakfast with your DS alone? Waiting for other mother was weird. It’s not necessary to go with other people to breakfast. It’s fine to sit and eat alone. Did you follow her around the buffet?

Anyway she probably wanted to catch up with people she actually knew better and before they went home, maybe she doesn’t see the other people often. It wasn’t personal.

Edingril · 19/08/2024 05:33

You seem way overinvested in this person just move on

CeruleanDive · 19/08/2024 06:50

I get it, OP. She offered to introduce you etc and then was not particularly friendly. You're on AIBU though, so some posters will twist themselves into knots to find a way to blame and undermine you.

The thing to focus on is this bit:

It was fine I talked to people etc etc.

You felt hurt and a bit abandoned at times, but you did it anyway. It's fine to feel like having a cry (and to have one) but don't focus on one person (who you'd i only just met?) instead of how you managed things so well, despite finding it hard.

One flaky person doesn't matter in the long run. Also, be aware - just because you were kind to her doesn't necessarily mean she will be kind back. There's no point in expecting that from someone you don't know (and even when you do!).

GRex · 19/08/2024 06:58

I think you're being incredibly unfair here. She had a chat and did some intros, which was kind, but it's totally fair for her to spend time after that with her own friends. I'm very tolerant to chatting with strangers, but would be shocked to be expected to then mind them all weekend babysitter style. How can one conversation possibly commit her to being responsible for you entirely? The onus was on you to chat to more than one person rather than cling on based solely on room proximity. Your DS really could have had breakfast with you too, he knows you!

Josephinesnapoleon · 19/08/2024 07:14

I think the offer to introduce uou to everyone shouldn’t be taken,literally. She didn’t mean it literally. She introduced you to a few, and moved on. She also didn’t offer to spend the day with you.

I understand you felt uncomfortable, as you didn’t know anyone. But you have a personal responsibility here, it wasn’t this woman’s job to nurse you through this, I’m sorry.

autienotnaughty · 19/08/2024 07:19

She offered to introduce you to people, bit crap but she's not responsible for you.

You offered hayfever tablets- that's kind

Waiting for her in the morning is a little weird. You don't know each other and hanging about listening for when she leaves is odd.

She left to chat to others, whilst this is a bit rude she has come to a wedding and presumably knows people, she shouldn't feel obligated to stay with you.

You being kind ie offering tablets does not mean she owes you anything in return. She can accept help but not need to do anything back.

It sounds like she was friendly but had her own friends /family at tge wedding. It would have been nice if she had included you a bit but she wasn't obligated to do so

Josephinesnapoleon · 19/08/2024 07:49

Hang on. You said she didn’t know anyone either? So she had to go round and introduce herself and make small talk, and you’re pissed she didn’t take you with her? Cmon op that’s not ok. She helped you out. Introduced you to a few people, after that it was up to you. She wasn’t responsible .

and sitting in your room waiting and listening for her is a little bit much. You and your son should just have went to breakfast.

Original poster
spanieleyes22 · 19/08/2024 08:04

Just to be clear the only bit I was upset about was the way we sat together - she chose where we sat - but after less than 5 mins she moved away and left me on my own. (DS was with the other teens ). I still think that's rude. If she was so desperate
to talk to the other people she could have said "oh let's Sit over here with xyz". The rest of it is fine - but just to be clear she did not know anyone before the wedding she was the same as me - just the bride. I waited for her for brek as that is what I would
Like someone to do for me. But hey ho obvs
most of you think that was overstepping some boundary. I thought it was a nice thing to do. Obvs I was wrong.

OP posts:
Original poster
spanieleyes22 · 19/08/2024 08:07

Josephinesnapoleon · 19/08/2024 07:49

Hang on. You said she didn’t know anyone either? So she had to go round and introduce herself and make small talk, and you’re pissed she didn’t take you with her? Cmon op that’s not ok. She helped you out. Introduced you to a few people, after that it was up to you. She wasn’t responsible .

and sitting in your room waiting and listening for her is a little bit much. You and your son should just have went to breakfast.

She didn't introduce me to anyone! But that's not what I was upset about. Just the breakfast bit where she chose our seats and after less
Than a couple of minutes she gets up
And says I'm going to sit over there with xyz. That's the part I was upset about.

She was there for a couple of days before me so she had met everyone . That's all. If it was me I would have said this is ??? that's all. But she didn't and I don't care about that. Was just upset at the brek.

OP posts:
Original poster
spanieleyes22 · 19/08/2024 08:11

autienotnaughty · 19/08/2024 07:19

She offered to introduce you to people, bit crap but she's not responsible for you.

You offered hayfever tablets- that's kind

Waiting for her in the morning is a little weird. You don't know each other and hanging about listening for when she leaves is odd.

She left to chat to others, whilst this is a bit rude she has come to a wedding and presumably knows people, she shouldn't feel obligated to stay with you.

You being kind ie offering tablets does not mean she owes you anything in return. She can accept help but not need to do anything back.

It sounds like she was friendly but had her own friends /family at tge wedding. It would have been nice if she had included you a bit but she wasn't obligated to do so

Nope she didn't have her own friends and family at the wedding . She didn't know anyone beforehand either. That's one reason I waited for her for brek. I would appreciate someone doing that for me. But obvs I've overstepped some boundary by doing that. I wasn't upset about her not helping me
Out at the reception I managed fine without her . It was just the brek bit that upset me.

OP posts:
Jjiillkkf · 19/08/2024 08:13

Think people are being a little harsh here

GreenPoppy · 19/08/2024 08:17

Ah it sounds tough OP. I've been to a wedding before by myself only knowing the bride and it can be socially quite hard if you're not outgoing.

I'd have distanced myself from the other woman after she ignored me at the wedding though, I wouldn't have waited for her for breakfast. She sounds a bit offish, but you are a stranger to her and she wanted to do her own thing.

Botannyy · 19/08/2024 08:19

I agree the breakfast thing would have upset me. Seems quite unthortful. She could have said to you, "I'm going over there, do you want to join me?"