Over sensitive?

[spanieleyes22]

So I was at a wedding over the weekend. I didn't know anyone except the bride. In the bedroom next door was another single mother. Have to tell you boring background so as not to drip feed! Anyway long story short I think she sensed I was a bit
Nervous and she said don't worry I'll introduce you to everyone etc etc. just to say she abandoned me first chance she got on the wedding day. It was fine I talked to people etc etc. Then this morn there was a brunch at 11 and me and my ds were up and awake before her and her dd so we waited for them as we could hear them getting up. So we set off for the brek. It was buffet style so we both got some
Food and drink and sat down and I was ready for a chat but almost
Immediately she got up and took her plate and drink and said I'm
Going to sit over there. And she just went over to some other people and left me
Sitting there alone. I was hurt I can't lie. I had been kind to her over the couple of days-I gave her hayfever pills I listened to her talking about her recent illness and how difficult
She is finding her dd who's 15. I finished my brek and went back
To my room. Really wanted to have a little
Cry but didn't allow
Myself
To. Had been hard for me to talk to so many people I didn't know etc. anyway. I won't prob see her again for a v long
Time
If ever!!! AIB oversensitive

I thibk it was pretty rude of her.

She just needed to say -oh let's sit with these people I chatted to last night (and then ignored you if she wanted once sat down)

But sitting you in one space then going off before finishing your food is rude. Once sat down you are committed for that meal. Or you move both of you if you feel the need to break up the duo.

We've all ended up sat by someone we are not fussed by at say a work lunch. But we don't abandon that person during our starters. Maybe move later at coffee but we are polite during the meal.

See I don’t think it was rude. For it to be rude, the op needs to be entitled to the woman’s time, and she wasn’t. She wasn’t entitled to the woman sitting with her, taking her with her, and basically baby sitting her.

your response indicates you think the op was entitled to the woman’s company and otherwise she’d not be rude if she didn’t provide it. But the op wasn’t entitled to her company, any more than any one else’s. She chose to go to this wedding stag, it was her job to ensure she integrated, not to grasp someone else and make it their job.

It was rude to take her to one seat, briefly sit there and then leave to sit with others

Saying after getting food -oh I am going to sit with x, see you later, not rude. Or suggesting they all move to sit with x, not rude.

But sitting together in one place then immediately ditching her was fairly rude/awkward.

I’m on the fence with this part tbh, if you put yourself in this woman’s shoes, she had someone outside the room waiting to go to breakfast for her, she hadn’t arranged that or necessarily wanted that, but she didn’t want to sit with them for whatever reason.. how do you handle that politely?

if she went to sit with other people op would have followed, if she wanted to move to be with other people op would have followed.. so the only way to do it was either tell op she didn’t want to sit with her (!) or make an excuse and leave as quickly as possible. She chose option B, the non confrontational option.

if OP was a man no one would call this woman rude for making her excuses to leave, no one owes you their time.

you can’t ditch colleagues at a lunch because you have to see them or have people/friends in common.. these two are strangers who will never see each other again, life is too short to do things you don’t want to do out of some weird politeness/obligation for someone you will never see again even if it is the ‘nice’ thing to do.

I’m sorry op, it obviously wasn’t a very nice event for you, and I think you’re initial conversation and her backing out of what she said set you up to be disappointed, which is her fault not yours, but I do think the woman sensed you wanted to hang around with her (i know you didn’t hang around with her) or you weren’t her sort of socialising partner and she made a swift exit as soon as she could once the wedding started to make sure she got away.

If it was a man wanting her time would you say the same? The sitting together was what the op wanted, the woman was not obliged to give the op her time and the op wasn’t entitled to it. Does the woman not count? Do her feelings not matter?

It was rude for the op to insert herself into this woman's day without invitation and expecting this woman to stay with her all morning. This woman is not the op's friend and she didn't owe the op her time or company.

This lady was so rude at breakfast!!! I wouldn’t dream of sitting with someone briefly, then getting up and leaving them on their own mid-meal. I can’t believe people on here are defending this sort of behaviour. It’s bizarre.

OP if she really didn’t like you she could have just gone to sit at a different table after getting her food. Or even on the way. She could have made an excuse. Sitting with you, even briefly, is just plain weird on her part. And that’s aside from the promise of making introductions (= including you) and then not bothering. The lady was being odd.

Try not to take it to heart. A big event where you don’t really know anyone can be ever so tricky. Focus on the nice chats you did have with people, and try to forget about this woman’s flaky/off behaviour. I wouldn’t have been impressed, had I been in your shoes.

It wouldn't have hurt her to introduce you to a few people and then do her social butterfly bit. Perhaps there could have been someone you may have gelled with and it's hard to do when you're there purely on the wedding day, and not at the festivities beforehand.

It's tough. If the lady had finished eating and left then fine.

But she deliberately got her tray and went to sit elsewhere. That's the snub.

. It could have been done better. If it was a man? You would have sat alone with him in first place. Or ensured your kids stayed with you. Or just finished quickly and taken food back to the room. (Different if it's a random male stranger but this is a wedding where everyone knows bride or groom so I'd not want to be deliberately rude to one of their single friends myself.)

I thibk I'd just be saying to myself a Mirada Harte type "Rude" (to myself) and then going on with my day.

But I feel a bit rude if I sit by a stranger on the bus then move later when a seat becomes free.

I think things are getting lost in the mix here. It WAS a shitty thing for her to walk off during breakfast and leave you sitting there alone, I can imagine how humiliated and hurt you would feel by this. I don't believe that behaviour can be justified at all - reasonable people with self awareness wouldn't do that to others as It's just rude! Anyone would feel slighted. On the other hand, I agree with others that she didn't ' owe' you her company as she is literally a stranger. By taking her at her word that she would introduce you to others etc you've ended up feeling disappointed and abandoned. Moving forward, never accept a strangers word or promises at face value OP, especially if you're prone to low self esteem, as when they don't deliver it will hurt like hell and you be left questioning your ' likeability '. You have got to build self resilience and confidence with a fake it til you make it attitude, so your happiness does not depend on another's kindness and you are comfortable in coping with any situation alone.

@Turophilic you mean she parked me on my own

Op she’s not your guardian or parent. She didn’t park you anywhere.

@KittenQuibbles yes this makes sense. Lesson learnt.

One thing about life is - never expect everyone to like you or spend time with you.

This woman sounds a bit self centred, but don't give her - or the situation - a second thought. she's not a friend, just someone you met at a wedding.

@Josephinesnapoleon I think it was mean and petty what she did. She could heave easily said oh let's sit here witb these guys. And then ignored me if she wanted. I tho k what she did deliberately excluded me. But hey ho majority on here think that's a perfectly fine thing to do. Personally I would always be aware or other peoples feelings even if I didn't like them. The problem was that at the wedding dinner I was sat with the teenagers on the end of the table so I didn't have a chance to bond with anyone. Only at the drinks part before the meal I talked to different people but turned out they left
And didn't stay the night. So I was back to square 1 again on the sun morn. Anyway doesn't matter. Lesson learnt. Don't trust anyone esp friendly strangers.

Op to deliberately exclude you she needs to have been with yoy, she no more deliberately excluded you than any other guest. You were free to speak to whomever you wished, you were not there with her,. You seem to feel she was responsible for you?

She could heave easily said oh let's sit here witb these guys. And then ignored me if she wanted.

She didn't want to sit with you OP! Or have you at the table making her feel awkward, or have to sit there ignoring you, she'd already ditched you the day before, she didn't want you there with her at all, she didn't ask you for breakfast or invite you to sit with her, you purposely engineered it so you were there at the exact same time as her and assumed you would sit together. IMO It's not mean, petty or rude of her to leave you there, it's just awkward, and it's only awkward because you didn't get the hint from the day before.

The way you are talking about 'bonding' with people kind of makes me think that you thought you would meet someone and automatically pair up with them for the weekend, and thought you'd hit the jackpot with another single parent, it really doesn't work that way at all, and that neediness would make most people feel uncomfortable or stifled or obligated, even if they acted nicely/politely towards you.. they'd be looking for an excuse to get away and you should have accepted that, you can't win them all.

You sound like you needed another adult to go with you to feel comfortable, it's not your fault, especially if you're not very social, but no one else at that event owes you anything just because you are on your own, you've either got to be a social butterfly and mingle, or accept that you may spend quite a bit of time on your own and planned accordingly.

Oh give over. All this talk of " engineering" and 'tactics' - it's breakfast, not a political summit to be navigated!

The poster is right though. The op waited in her room listening for the woman to leave hers, then rushed out so she could go to breakfast with her, then decided the woman then had to sit with her, or take her with her if she sat elsewhere. The woman app Got no say in this,

You sound way too intense and I can see why she wandered off.
She was there also not knowing anyone and yet she eventually did! Why couldn't you do the same?
And why did you wait for her for breakfast? Surely you should have taken the hint after she moved on after the wedding.

I disagree entirely. How on earth can any of us read the other woman's motivations in swerving the OP at breakfast? It's completely plausible that she is just rude, lacking in common decency and not very self aware. Nothing more, nothing less. The pp makes a lot of hyperbolic assumptions that the OP is ' needy', and made people feel stifled and awkward and desperate to get away. How can you make those claims based on one small interaction? Bit of a stretch if you ask me, and one designed to make the OP feel even worse than she does already.

Did you quote the wrong post? At no stage in my post did I even imply on the woman’s motivations, so I’m not sure how you can disagree on her motivations? Maybe edit or delete and quote the right post?

I don't think the other woman was rude at all, she wasn't responsible for you, it sounds like you latched on and she was desperate to get away....so she did. She didn't owe you anything, you didn't go together, there was nothing stopping you getting up and talking to other people when she left you.

We're always telling women on here to assert their boundaries. Well, this woman asserted hers and spent her free time with the people she wanted to spend it with. She shouldn't have raised OP's expectations with the initial comment but that's a classic mistake people make at the start of a social event - or even I remember at uni, people making friends initially with the wrong fit then finding their crowd and having to move on from the first lot. This like that but sped up. She thought you'd both be in the same boat, but then she swam off and it was up to the OP to find her own way. Which is fair enough, they weren't friends.

And as for being 'parked' somewhere, OP - you're not a passive object and she wasn't driving you. If this was the problem, perhaps it's good that this marks a shift and you can take the wheel yourself in future, not leave it up to the likes of her.