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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Over sensitive?

84 replies

spanieleyes22 · 18/08/2024 23:57

So I was at a wedding over the weekend. I didn't know anyone except the bride. In the bedroom next door was another single mother. Have to tell you boring background so as not to drip feed! Anyway long story short I think she sensed I was a bit
Nervous and she said don't worry I'll introduce you to everyone etc etc. just to say she abandoned me first chance she got on the wedding day. It was fine I talked to people etc etc. Then this morn there was a brunch at 11 and me and my ds were up and awake before her and her dd so we waited for them as we could hear them getting up. So we set off for the brek. It was buffet style so we both got some
Food and drink and sat down and I was ready for a chat but almost
Immediately she got up and took her plate and drink and said I'm
Going to sit over there. And she just went over to some other people and left me
Sitting there alone. I was hurt I can't lie. I had been kind to her over the couple of days-I gave her hayfever pills I listened to her talking about her recent illness and how difficult
She is finding her dd who's 15. I finished my brek and went back
To my room. Really wanted to have a little
Cry but didn't allow
Myself
To. Had been hard for me to talk to so many people I didn't know etc. anyway. I won't prob see her again for a v long
Time
If ever!!! AIB oversensitive

OP posts:
RitaFires · 19/08/2024 08:19

I wouldn't have waited for her to have breakfast together. You don't really know each other and her going off to speak with other people is 100% in character for the little you do know of each other.

She may have found she gelled with other people better at the reception, just because your rooms were next to each other and you chatted a little bit doesn't create an obligation.

I understand that it upset you but she might look at it as taking time to speak to everyone who was nice to her and might think it would be rude to not speak to the people she'd been hanging out with the night before at breakfast. It's just a different way of looking at things.

Original poster
spanieleyes22 · 19/08/2024 08:22

RitaFires · 19/08/2024 08:19

I wouldn't have waited for her to have breakfast together. You don't really know each other and her going off to speak with other people is 100% in character for the little you do know of each other.

She may have found she gelled with other people better at the reception, just because your rooms were next to each other and you chatted a little bit doesn't create an obligation.

I understand that it upset you but she might look at it as taking time to speak to everyone who was nice to her and might think it would be rude to not speak to the people she'd been hanging out with the night before at breakfast. It's just a different way of looking at things.

Yeh fine she still could have included me though .i don't think im that horrible .

OP posts:
BeSpoonyAquaHare · 19/08/2024 08:24

She was rude. If she wanted to sit with people she befriended at the wedding during breakfast she could easily have suggested you both go and join them together. She didn’t need to become your best friend but she could have shown basic manners.

DinnerOnTheGrass · 19/08/2024 08:31

Jjiillkkf · 19/08/2024 08:13

Think people are being a little harsh here

No, just pointing out that the OP appears to be aggrieved that her ‘services’ weren’t reciprocated, that someone else who didn’t know anyone at a wedding had got to know more people than she had, that she felt it was rude that someone she waited for to go down to breakfast with, unasked, only sat with her for five minutes — OP, this woman was a total stranger. For whatever reason, she didn’t choose to spend time with you at the wedding or the breakfast.

She didn’t like you, and you don’t appear to have liked her much either (which is fine) and this was clear at the reception, but somehow you were still waiting for her and expecting to sit with her at breakfast next day.

You keep saying you waited for her to go down to breakfast ‘because it’s what you would have liked someone to do for you’, but surely you would not be thrilled if a total stranger you didn’t like and had avoided the day before insisted on going down to breakfast with you?

It’s ok not to like people. Maybe she felt the five minutes she sat with you was enough?

DinnerOnTheGrass · 19/08/2024 08:33

spanieleyes22 · 19/08/2024 08:22

Yeh fine she still could have included me though .i don't think im that horrible .

Show quote history

You don’t have to be ‘horrible’ for someone not to like you. People on here get this wrong all the time.

RitaFires · 19/08/2024 08:33

@spanieleyes22 But it doesn't mean she thought you were horrible at all.

She just spent more time with other people over the few days she was there before you and was frankly a bit rude and thoughtless at breakfast. You were kind to try and have breakfast with her but she didn't really want to be included and you had already seen hints of that at the wedding.

Original poster
spanieleyes22 · 19/08/2024 08:35

It was less than 5 mins. It felt
Like she chose a place for us to sit away from everyone on our own. Got me settled
Then left me on my own.

OP posts:
Original poster
spanieleyes22 · 19/08/2024 08:38

Ok I get it. I was over sensitive. I need to work on my own self confidence and not expect nothing from nobody. This is why I didn't want to go to the wedding on my own. I went for ds and he had a ball so I'm still glad I went . Was hard though. Glad it's over tbh

OP posts:
DinnerOnTheGrass · 19/08/2024 08:44

spanieleyes22 · 19/08/2024 08:35

It was less than 5 mins. It felt
Like she chose a place for us to sit away from everyone on our own. Got me settled
Then left me on my own.

But surely you then had the option of going to join other people you’d met the day before too? At what point would it have been ok for her to move on to other people — after you’d finished eating? After a ‘chat’? And could you not have chosen where you sat, if you didn’t like where she chose?

You really don’t like this woman, do you? She accepted your hayfever pills, made you listen to her boring stories, avoided you at the reception, then chose the wrong table at breakfast and didn’t sit with you for long enough.

RitaFires · 19/08/2024 08:45

It's not about expecting nothing from anybody. It's about having appropriate expectations of people. You knew what she was like the night before but you decided that you should wait for her for breakfast. She'd been there longer than you and had more time with other people so there was no indication that she thought of you as special friends or would want to have breakfast with you.

It is a bit about self confidence, you thought she wouldn't want to go down for breakfast alone but surely she'd been fine with that before. You said it's what you'd want someone to do for you but it doesn't seem like it's something she wanted.

sandyhappypeople · 19/08/2024 09:09

spanieleyes22 · 19/08/2024 08:38

Ok I get it. I was over sensitive. I need to work on my own self confidence and not expect nothing from nobody. This is why I didn't want to go to the wedding on my own. I went for ds and he had a ball so I'm still glad I went . Was hard though. Glad it's over tbh

With kindness, I think you are being a little over sensitive op, she obviously got to know you a little bit in the time she spent with you in the morning, and realised you weren’t that compatible and that given the chance you may have wanted to spend all your time with her if you could. You waiting for her the morning after kind of proves that really.

she probably thought she could introduce you to a few people and you’d go off with different people for a bit, when that didn’t happen she ditched you instead to make sure she wasn’t left looking after you all weekend at the sacrifice of her own enjoyment.

its not ‘nice’ of her, and I think she gave you the wrong idea on that first morning (either inadvertently or on purpose) and then regretted it, sorry op, it wasn’t nice for you, but unless you genuinely get on with someone you can’t really expect them to want to spend all their time with you.

eggandchip · 19/08/2024 09:17

I dont think you was over sensitive i think you was expecting to much.
Your an adult fake a smile and start chatting to others.
What ive learned in life is not every one is gonna warm to you your not gonna be everyones cup of tea.

RedHelenB · 19/08/2024 09:25

spanieleyes22 · 19/08/2024 00:35

Feel like she was very fake. Used me on the morning of the wedding and took me up on my offer to give her some hayfever pills and different little. Things like that. I was very kind to Her in the mprning of wedding.helping her with her hair and listening to her stories that were actually pretty boring ha ha

Those things you list aren't " very kind", they're normal things to do. Seems like she didn't particularly want to hang round with you, just because you're both single doesn't make it obligatory.

Readmorebooks40 · 19/08/2024 09:30

I would be upset by this too. It's awful being left out and if I saw someone on their own I would try to include them. YANBU

pinkdelight · 19/08/2024 09:33

Sometimes I think im too nice to people and they use me and walk all over me. Maybe it's better to be more aloof. Maybe people try harder with you then.

That may be true for you in general, who knows, but it's a massive extrapolation from what you've described. She didn't use you - she chatted to you for a bit and then chatted to other people, circulating in totally normal way for someone at a wedding who was being sociable and getting to know people. The fact you gave her some hayfever pills is nice but really not the grand gesture you're framing it as. If you're this intense IRL then maybe people do back off after initial warmth.

Original poster
spanieleyes22 · 19/08/2024 09:49

@sandyhappypeople just to correct you there she didn't introduce me to anyone. And that's fine whatever. And I wasn't a bit clingy to her not at all. Didn't see her for the rest of the whole day. And didn't try to. Obvs I got the brek thing wrong and shouldn't have waited for her.

OP posts:
Original poster
spanieleyes22 · 19/08/2024 16:07

...

OP posts:
seedsandseeds · 19/08/2024 18:55

So rude of her OP.

I really feel for you.

NewName24 · 19/08/2024 21:31

I get it, OP. She offered to introduce you etc and then was not particularly friendly. You're on AIBU though, so some posters will twist themselves into knots to find a way to blame and undermine you.

Nobody is twisting anything - well, until you wrote this. Hmm

The OP has asked "Am I being unreasonable?" (to expect more from a stranger who has no obligation to 'mind' her at a friend's wedding) and most people are saying, yes, you are a bit.

No-one is 'blaming' or 'undermining' anyone, posters are answering the question the op has asked.

Original poster
spanieleyes22 · 19/08/2024 23:26

Just to clarify I didn't expect her to mind me!! Not at all. She offered to introduce me to people she had met the night before which I thought was nice of her. She didn't but that's ok. What upset me was the brek. She chose our seats as she was first and deliberately chose 2 seats slightly apart. We only sat down for a couple of mins not even 5 mins when she left me by myself. I felt stupid sitting alone and too
Shy to walk up and sit with people I hadn't met. Was upset that's all. Prob am over sensitive. People are talking like I was a limpet or something , sticking to her like glue for the day. Not the case. The opposite.

OP posts:
Edingril · 19/08/2024 23:38

spanieleyes22 · 19/08/2024 23:26

Just to clarify I didn't expect her to mind me!! Not at all. She offered to introduce me to people she had met the night before which I thought was nice of her. She didn't but that's ok. What upset me was the brek. She chose our seats as she was first and deliberately chose 2 seats slightly apart. We only sat down for a couple of mins not even 5 mins when she left me by myself. I felt stupid sitting alone and too
Shy to walk up and sit with people I hadn't met. Was upset that's all. Prob am over sensitive. People are talking like I was a limpet or something , sticking to her like glue for the day. Not the case. The opposite.

Limpit or not for someone you knew only for a few hours the way you are posting has me assumed this is some 20 plus year marriage break up you are talking about, you seem seriously overinvested in this person

JabbaTheBeachHut · 19/08/2024 23:50

Is there a chance she wanted to claw her ears off because you kept referring to breakfast as brek?

Or is it just something you type but don't say?

ticktickticktickBOOM · 19/08/2024 23:58

If you talk like
you write maybe she just
thought
you were a bit
tricky
to talk to

GRex · 20/08/2024 06:22

spanieleyes22 · 19/08/2024 23:26

Just to clarify I didn't expect her to mind me!! Not at all. She offered to introduce me to people she had met the night before which I thought was nice of her. She didn't but that's ok. What upset me was the brek. She chose our seats as she was first and deliberately chose 2 seats slightly apart. We only sat down for a couple of mins not even 5 mins when she left me by myself. I felt stupid sitting alone and too
Shy to walk up and sit with people I hadn't met. Was upset that's all. Prob am over sensitive. People are talking like I was a limpet or something , sticking to her like glue for the day. Not the case. The opposite.

Remember she hadn't actually arranged to meet you for breakfast. You listened outside her door and hung out in the corridor waiting for her. Then you're annoyed she didn't sit with you, but why should she? Taking a hayfever tablet doesn't lock someone into owing them a meal.

Turophilic · 20/08/2024 08:03

I think you assumed a bond that was never there.

Listening out for her and hovering around until you could go down to breakfast together was a bit weird and stalky. Or at least rather needy.

If I’d been partying all night at a wedding do, I think the woman from the room next door pouncing on me as I emerged from the hotel room so we could have breakfast together would be a bit much.

She got you settled somewhere and went off to socialise.