It’s becoming unfashionable to have kids

[Housebuyingfamily]

Birth rates are on the floor which people frame as, people would have more kids were it not for the cost of them or climate change, etc etc. But I feel like it’s now more than this. As if we have a global child-free culture that’s growing every day and it’s becoming increasingly “unfashionable” to have kids, even looked down upon.

That's not fashion, that's common sense. I was nearly 30 before I even considered kids cos I wanted to have a few years under my belt in work.

I was a mess up to about 24. I would not have been in any fit place to be a parent.

I have some great friends but I have lost great friends in the past too. Imo it’s not the same as family, and I say that as someone who was orphaned at 20 and knows how shit a lack of family feels. Would I leave my children’s concert to go comfort a friend- no, would I lend a friend thousands of pounds - no. Would I do these two things for my sister- yes!

Isn’t that just because they are under 25? I think having children super young is not the trend for a variety of reasons.

I was at uni till I was 22. On a gap year at 24 and only started a serious career job at 25. Not to mention I was very immature. Having children under 25 would have been a mad decision for me.

As I said family is more than kids. It’s friends, siblings, cousins, aunts

If people have less children then future generations won't have siblings, aunts, uncles and cousins. One child families becoming the norm will create a much more linear family

This is true.

Generally there is social pressure on women in particular to have children and then social pressure on them to accept a lower social and financial status and accept the career motherhood penalty for having done so.

The number of threads on here voicing the internalised belief that having become a mother a woman should put the wishes of her extended family on both sides with regards to the child before her own convenience and wishes are in stark contrast to anything women without children are told to put up with (and generally once a woman has children she will be told regularly to "be grateful" for things which go against her interests in a way no other category of person is).

This has always been the case though.

Couples stumble into parenthood because it's the "next step" a lot of the time, without seriously analysing whether it's what they want. Other women conceive accidentally and decide to keep the baby or do so out of inertia, and of course others desperately want to be parents and do actively plan their pregnancy. I'm pretty sure though that "because it's fashionable" has never ranked high on the list of reasons for getting pregnant.

Whilst the numbers of childfree by choice and childless not through choice have probably both increased in wealthy countries, what's mainly happening is women are having fewer children rather than none. Where women who do have children might once have averaged closer to 3 children (or the old 2.5 children trope), the average is now closer to 1 (1.4-1.8 average in many countries).

Oh god I hate the “dog mum” crowd- nope you’re a dog owner!

I think as others have said, it’s a range of factors. You can use Call The Midwife to track how society has changed and how certain progresses have certain implications, eg for increasing freedom of choice for women (a good thing!!!) that means freedom to delay motherhood which meets biology which can mean fewer children. Or greater social mobility (a good thing!!!) but now the village you really need to raise kids is one you probably have to fight to create or press on without.

A lot of my friends don’t have kids; for only one of them is it a conscious choice, for the others it’s circumstances.

Ah, yes course. Worded poorly, I meant more their attitudes/plans towards having kids.

Women in particular are choosing to have less or no children because this is one of the first times in history that they actually can make that choice.

It’s not the same as family FOR YOU and that’s fine.

Others are different. I have a friend who is zero contact with her sister but moved in with me when I needed care after an operation. And as you note your childfree friends have siblings so your response doesn’t really apply to them.

I think there is a definite fashion towards being child free. Lots of tiktok trends about how having children is horrible, being DINKs forever, 'the list', and a definite attitude by Gen Z that havimg children is unfashionable. But I also think a lot of these people are very young, and aren't at the age where they would actually have children anyway

I do also think there's a trend of quite unpleasant attitude towards children (see above post calling them little brats)

Ultimately I think it's a good thing if people don't have children if they don't want them, and I think if someone is influenced into not have children because it's fashionable then they shouldn't be having them in the first place

Oh I get you.

TBH this may seek condescending but I don’t pay attention to the opinions of the under 25s as to whether or not they plan to have children. They are too young to know for sure. My cousin is adamant she does not want children and instead wants to lead a “Rich Auntie” lifestyle. She is 18. I said if she is saying the same in 15 years I will take her seriously.

@JHound My feeling is that choosing to have children isn’t considered a positive life choice anymore, many people constantly talk about the negatives as if choosing to be a parent is slightly stupid and holds you back in life. Your career is what really matters.

I’ve noticed the opposite with many parents adding a third.

Go for a walk with a puppy and go for a walk with a cute baby in a pram. See which gets the most admiration. The state of the world is really making people lose perspective.

Yes even when I had my first child 20 years ago the UK national average age for first time motherhood was 28.

On a separate note but related to the post quoted dog ownership has exploded in that time. Not instead of having children though as in many demographics there is a conviction that children must have a dog (or several) in the house, and not having one is some kind of deprivation (this kicked off about the same time as the feeling of obligation to be constantly "making memories" ...).

Women used to get married and kids because it was the done thing - not because they necessarily wanted them.

These days women have more freedom to make the choice, and many choose not to. It's not really about fashion, it's about women being more self sufficient and earning their own money. We aren't dependent on marriage and men anymore.

Childfree people may be a lot more vocal and less prepared to apologise for existing than previously, but we’re still very much in the minority. And we stand up for ourselves because if we didn’t we’d be even more ignored and isolated.

I wonder if this is because of the change in parenting styles. I was looking at one of the threads about teachers and how burnt out they are because kids basically rule school and parents can't accept that their kids cause problems.

Grown adults in their 40s and 50s revolving their lives around music concerts it seems a bit grim. I look and wonder if it is really worth dedicating your whole life to? I mean you could go to the odd concert and still of had a child, but to that just be your life. It seems a waste.

This is so true about numbers. The panic about birth rates constantly focuses on child free and childless people. But we are a distinct minority and our numbers barely changing. In most instances falling birth rates are a result of smaller family sizes.

Really? 😕

I know what you mean @OP. In my experience it depends very much on the "circle" you're in - trendy urban hipsters vs suburban mums - but I have noticed an increase in "adult only" holidays and experiences.

Who says any adult's life revolves around music concerts?

See that's the dumb mentality of some people with kids who think there's nothing else to do if you don't have one.

Also it's could have not could of.

There are also numerous threads by new mums who literally are terrified to pop to the bathroom and pee because they think they cant take their eyes off their baby. Parenthood is definitely harder now.