It’s becoming unfashionable to have kids

[Housebuyingfamily]

Birth rates are on the floor which people frame as, people would have more kids were it not for the cost of them or climate change, etc etc. But I feel like it’s now more than this. As if we have a global child-free culture that’s growing every day and it’s becoming increasingly “unfashionable” to have kids, even looked down upon.

I assume people who say that never have meals out or go on holiday?

I think it’s strange that having pets is seen by some as a substitute for children. I have pets because I want pets and I love my pets. I don’t have children because I have zero interest or desire to do so. I don’t need a substitute for something I explicitly don’t want 🤷🏻‍♀️

In the west, individual choice and the freedoms that allow men and women to make choices that best suit their own lives and wishes for them, is far more respected now than it has likely ever been. I don’t think it’s a matter of ‘fashion’ at all. I think it’s great if/when societies move away from prescribed narratives about how people ‘should’ live, with no thought as to actual individuals.

What a disgusting way to speak about a baby...seems like you definitely made the right choice

@Nadeed

I assume people who say that never have meals out or go on holiday?

Ah but it’s OK if you are doing it as a family you see. That’s the only path to true happiness.

All those other people travelling, partying, studying and enjoying life are just desperately trying to fill the void.

Child free people need to live Puritanical lives of parsimoniousness and self reflection at their failure to breed and not bother those blessed with fertility.

Babies are gummy and they scream, what's disgusting about pointing that out?

The people I know who have decided not to have kids are all professionals (education) in their mid‐to-late 20s who would LOVE to have children but daren't as they have the following concerns:

-climate change

‐cost of living impacting their capacity to provide any future DC with what they consider a decent basic standard of living, as they're generally living in shared housing or tiny rented studio flats with no hope of moving somewhere bigger or more private

‐not wanting to bring children into what looks set to be a really choppy time ahead for the foreseeable, both globally and domestically

I think they're probably right, and it's very sad. My own teens are adamant they're not having DC because of 1 and 3 above (they're still living at home) and it seems to be what their peers think too.

She described it as a horrible thing. Pretty vile. Calling a baby a thing is pretty dehumanising. Then describes her pets as babies....

Yes, and? She’s not calling her pets literal human babies.

If someone spoke about elderly people in such a disgusting way, they'd be quite rightly called out for it. But apparently speaking like that about babies and kids is ok

@Comedycook

If someone spoke about elderly people in such a disgusting way, they'd be quite rightly called out for it. But apparently speaking like that about babies and kids is ok

Look I think people can hold two different ideas in their head at the same time.

I adore my 13 year old DD and she massively enriches my life. I also find most babies revolting and find the way some women fetishize them incredibly annoying.

I love my cat but sometimes I find him to be greedy, smelly and annoying.

Human being are complicated!

I think the almost religious lionisation of babies is bizarre. Babies are not intrinsically interesting unless they are your own and I have always, from long before I had a child, resented the way everyone is supposed to adore them.

People do say such things about the elderly. They’ll also say the same about men, and indeed women.

She described it as a horrible thing. Pretty vile. Calling a baby a thing is pretty dehumanising. Then describes her pets as babies....

I rather think that poster was describing what her 6 year old self thought at that moment. But don't let that stop the hysteria 🙄

I don’t have kids because

1. I have a chronic illness that frequently floors me and I would be an unreliable parent.
2. I had a shit childhood and wouldn't have wanted that for my own children.
3. These weren’t difficult sacrifices because I didn’t particularly want children. Parenting always seems so tedious and exhausting and parents can’t wait to get time away from their kids.

It is still the norm, or you could say ‘fashion’, to have children and there was a lot of pressure on me to change my mind and queues of people telling me I’ll regret it.

I think you’ve misinterpreted why fewer children are being born.

Women's rights, innit.

I think it's become less of a definite for some couples but still most of my husband's friends (he's a few years older than me and a number of his friends are older, late 30s-early 40s) have kids.

I'm currently pregnant and 32, from London and most of my friends don't have kids, some don't plan to. I told my close friend about the pregnancy and she was excited but still asked if it was planned 😂 I felt like a teen mum

I’m sorry but being offended at the term “child-free” is absolutely ridiculous.

I’m dairy-free. By saying that I’m not somehow implying that milk is awful and disgusting and I’m so much better than people who drink it. It just personally makes me fart loads and shit, so I avoid it 🤷‍♀️

I am also child-free by choice. Have the money, have a house, have a great husband who does ALL the cooking, we both have flexible jobs. Still have 0 desire to do it and wouldn’t do it for any amount of money that the government could “incentivise” me with. Nothing to do with trends - I’ve felt that way since I was a child. Just glad it is becoming more acceptable, though it often doesn’t feel that way!

Children are bloody annoying. And I have one. Love them but Christ I miss my old life.

Oh and to the PP who said their childfree sibling can’t care much about the climate as they travel a lot - hate to break it to you but having children FAR outweighs carbon emissions from any other activity, many times over. Look it up. Reproducing is the single worst thing you can do for the climate - you’d be better off taking multiple transatlantic flights a year.

I genuinely doubt that’s true.

That anybody said “ok I am going to go out and get pregnant specifically to get a house.”

She's just stating the facts, in what way is it disgusting?
Pets are a hobby, a personal indulgence, they dont grow up and contribute to society. Children are new humans, we need them for human society to function properly.
Pretending that your pets are equal to human children is just self indulgence.

This is beautifully put and I think probably sums up a significant proportion of the childless not by choice crowd.

I don’t have children. I expected I would have them - I even expected that 28 is the age at which I would have my first child.

Life however decided it had other plans for me and that motherhood was not to be part of my life story on this go round on earth. And while I wonder slightly what I missed I am at peace with that. I could have gone the solo mother route but knew that I would prefer no children to elective single motherhood. Not every childless person is desperately sad about it. Some just accept it and enjoy the life they have.

When she was 6…a child herself.

@SecretsofthePenguins I don’t imagine that you’re planning to do those things either and you’re someone’s human child!

Although I agree that humans can be appalling sometimes, far worse than dogs.

Birth rates are falling across the board.

Bit of both I think OP. I voted YABU as I still think it’s very much the norm to want/have kids, although people are undoubtedly having fewer now than in the past.

But I really don’t think that children and young people are a priority in terms of national policy making, or something that society as a whole deems to be important beyond the sphere of the nuclear family. So things like education, children’s health and well-being and public facilities for children and young people aren’t given anywhere near as much consideration as they should be.

It’s both big things, like whether our school system is fit for purpose, and little things, like providing and maintaining decent playgrounds (our local main town one hasn’t been updated since I was a kid 30-odd years ago, and the kids play in it while dodging broken glass and drug/vaping paraphernalia).

Children have become very much an afterthought in the public realm I think, and most of the improvements that people always cite, like restaurants welcoming kids and more facilities like soft plays/theme parks etc, are commercialised things that you have to pay for.