It’s becoming unfashionable to have kids

[Housebuyingfamily]

Birth rates are on the floor which people frame as, people would have more kids were it not for the cost of them or climate change, etc etc. But I feel like it’s now more than this. As if we have a global child-free culture that’s growing every day and it’s becoming increasingly “unfashionable” to have kids, even looked down upon.

In every country, there is a correlation between level of maternal education, deferred childbearing, and fewer children. Choice and power count for more than mammalian urges.

The expression Child free suggests people who have children have sacrificed their freedom and become trapped in a lesser lifestyle. The reality is the majority of parents find the opposite is true and their lives are enriched.

And the majority of people who choose to not have children also find their lives enriched.

I like that there's now a distinction between childfree (by choice) and childless (possibly not by choice, and with some level of grief or sadness), because it allows me to be more thoughtful about how I discuss the subject.

Childfree and proud.

The same can be said about childless when describing people who are happily child free. It suggests that their lives are less than because they aren't parents, especially when talking about women who are child free by choice.

Those who are child free by choice feel that their lives are enriched and fulfilling without children. Fair enough. I don't blame them for feeling like child free describes them more accurately than childless.

No one’s life is “less than” because they don’t have children, whether or not that is by choice.

Someone who desperately wants children but isn't able to have them for whatever reason may feel like their life is ''less than''.

Childless may feel more accurate to someone in their circumstances. However someone feels regarding not having children, they should be able to describe it how they like anyway, be it child free, childless or something else.

Completely agree. I was thrown out my siblings house (where I was staying briefly until I found a new flatshare ) once at 8pm in the middle of London after a minor disagreement and who took me in for a couple of weeks after I wandered about with my suitcase for an hour trying to figure out what to do to avoid sleeping on the streets? A friend!

I can give so many examples of people who have had toxic or unsupportive or estranged family and it’s sad and not ideal, but that’s the reality- sometimes family is what you create in your friends. If you speak to therapists sooo many issues are caused by people feeling they have to be loyal and stay in contact with toxic and harmful family.

I’m closer to my godchildren - the children of friends I’ve had my whole adult life - than my younger cousins who are of a similar age, I tried to make an effort with the latter but it wasn’t reciprocated 🤷‍♀️

Not at all, people just realise that to do a good job kids are a huge time and resource investment, and also there's other things in life. Kids aren't the only option, as it was even 20 years ago when it was just a given

You’re right. Many describe themselves as child free because they feel their life would not be enriched by children and is enriched by not having children. Some people seem to struggle grasping that.

Many parents on anonymous groups (Reddit, Facebook) are speaking out about how much they HATE being parents. It’s not a great experience for everyone.

I used to work in foster care and also worked in schools and it’s evident to me a lot of people don’t love being parents, many just about tolerate it and some hate it - and of course thankfully many love it too.

Quite the opposite. Far too many people are having kids that shouldn't be. People who have their kids in childcare more than they actually see them, people who have unsuitable or absent or abusive partners, people with mental health issues who can barely look after themselves, then pass it onto the children, people who don't even have enough food or money to provide for them, unsuitable housing, people who already have children, then remarry and have more and forget about the other kids. The lost goes on and on and on.

All this @Galoop so so true. If only the people who were equipped to raise kids properly were having kids, the birth rate would be far lower.

I know a woman who has 7 kids from 7 men, the fathers are not involved in most cases and she has the kids in and out of foster care. When they are with her even on weekends they have been badly neglected at times .

She seems to think the whole thing is a joke and says she wants to get to 11 for a football team. It’s heartbreaking. The men involved are equally irresponsible as well of course. It’s like she’s known in their circle as a breeder or something and it’s a perfect set up for them knowing she doesn’t particularly want them around. A lot of men like reproducing but not actually providing for and taking care of the child so this must suit them 😣

@Galoop. Overall though, the birth rate is decreasing. 1.49 in England Wales in 2022. That’s pretty low.

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2024/feb/23/birthrate-in-uk-falls-to-record-low-as-campaigners-say-procreation-is-a-luxury#:~:text=Total%20fertility%20was%201.49%20children,steady%20population%20without%20significant%20immigration.

Probably a good thing! More and more people are growing up to not be taxpayers anyway, so even that as a reason is a fallacy.

I don't think it's become unfashionable at all. Just people are more aware that they have other options in life now. Women have more choices. Having kids has never been a cool or fashionable thing to do, it's just been the only path available to a lot of women for most of history.

Choosing to have no or fewer children because of finances also isn't anything to do with being "fashionable" or not. The people I know with high incomes are all having the exact number of children they want. And for most of them, that's one or two. No "trends" or considerations of what's "fashionable". The child free people I know are staying that way because they personally want to (either totally free choice, or they'd be open to having them but financially they decided it's not worth it to).

Grim? Do you know the meaning of that word?

I have kids but who cares if someone just wants to go to concerts (if these people actually exist?). Some people adore live music so why shouldn’t they??

Of course people can describe themselves how they like. As going by your user name you have children, it’s not for you to say how anyone who doesn’t have children should feel about it. Technically I’m childless not by choice due to fertility issues. Never conceived despite loads of IVF etc. Now on my early 60s I am at peace with not being a mother and am actually enjoying life. I identify more with childfree these days.

I must have missed this ‘childfree movement’. Where is it and how do people join?

I have two young adult children. They still called me untold amount of worry. I do sometimes wonder if life would have been easier without them, as much as I adore them.

When people say they are childfree, I am happy that there is now a choice. Even if the reason is because of the cost-of-living crisis, it is still a choice. I am particularly delighted when women embrace their childfree status and don’t give in to social pressures to reproduce. Having children should not be the default. Other options are available.

I reckon many childfree people put far more thought into planning their lives than people who automatically have children.

I am in my 50s. When I look at my parents and their generation, the ones who seem most content are not the ones who have lots of children. They are the ones who have lots of friends and a good and active social life.

My anecdotal experience is that the childfree people I know, are pretty damn content. I sometimes look at their Christmas Day plans with friends and envy them.

I don’t know if having children is unfashionable now. But thinking that all people should have children if they can, is an incredibly old-fashioned viewpoint to me.

I have kids and I like the term childfree. It sounds positive which is great. I don’t take it as a criticism of me.

Far too many people are having kids that shouldn't be. People who have their kids in childcare more than they actually see them, people who have unsuitable or absent or abusive partners, people with mental health issues who can barely look after themselves, then pass it onto the children, people who don't even have enough food or money to provide for them, unsuitable housing, people who already have children, then remarry and have more and forget about the other kids. The lost goes on and on and on.

People seem a lot more sensible about having dc now vs previous generations.

I like it as a point of distinguishing between those who never wanted kids and actively chose not to have them. And those of us who probably wanted children but were unable to (for a variety of reasons).

I see your point in that both have a value judgment associated. I prefer “doesn’t have children”.

Marriage isn’t expensive though. The weddings people choose to have are expensive but that’s quite different.

There will never be a dip in benefits birthrates as single parents get a lot of money for their kids and when you are young, a home and an extra few hundred pounds is a LOT. Ok it's now capped at two children, which is a start but no woman where I live (not the south) worries about childcare etc.. unless they are actually in full time work and earning a decent wage. This needs addressing and more help needs to be given to middle income families.

Grown adults in their 40s and 50s revolving their life around kids it seems a bit grim. I looks and wonder if it is really worth dedicating your life to? I mean you could spend the odd day with nephews and still have had a concert, but for that to just be your life. It seems a waste.

Nice that we’re all different and have choices about how we live our lives, isn’t it.

I wonder if it's partly because a lot of people now in their 30s and 40s grew up watching stuff like Jeremy Kyle or those "who's the baby daddy" US shows. It definitely made me really judgemental about people making badly thought out decisions to bring children into difficult circumstances.

In addition to the "don't get pregnant, you'll ruin your life" message many of us had as teens as a PP mentioned I think we see having children as a high risk thing.

@Galoop people who have unsuitable or absent or abusive partners,

I think you meant to say ‘people who are unsuitable or who are abusive’, your post reads like it’s the fault of the abused partner.