It’s becoming unfashionable to have kids

[Housebuyingfamily]

Birth rates are on the floor which people frame as, people would have more kids were it not for the cost of them or climate change, etc etc. But I feel like it’s now more than this. As if we have a global child-free culture that’s growing every day and it’s becoming increasingly “unfashionable” to have kids, even looked down upon.

Quite, looking down at women because it’s tough has become acceptable too it seems.

I wouldn’t say it’s unfashionable but I can see why so many women choose not to have children.

Maternity care can be awful - we’ve all read the stories of woefully understaffed maternity units, with women treated appallingly. Who’d want to risk that?
Women are still expected to be the default parent.
Women would rather have the freedom to walk away from a bad relationship without being tied to their ex forever.
Childcare is fucking expensive. I nearly keeled over when a friend told me they were paying around £1,000 a month. How the fuck does anyone afford that?

On top of all of this, women have choices. I - like many - have the ability to say that it’s not for me because it’s not the life I want. It’s nothing to do with fashion, it’s because I’d be crap mother and I have no interest in it.

@Comedycook if you’re concerned about overpopulation in the West then that’s the solution.

I don't think that's what that poster was saying at all. She's saying that some people sleepwalk into having children without realising what a huge, life-changing commitment it is. I know, because I did!

I think this is so dependent on geography and social mileau. Think it's certainly true for 'high achievers' living in cities...or maybe just London?

I’m in my late 30s and childless by circumstance more than by choice (long term single) but I certainly don’t feel like I am following a ‘fashionable’ path. Most people I know have or plan to have children and I feel like I am often judged negatively or treated with an air of pity or like I’m inferior because I’m missing something fundamental by others because I don’t.

It’s why no government can actually tackle immigration, we need it!

Plenty of people are born into situations they wish they hadn't been. Plenty of adults had miserable childhoods because of their parents.

Lucky you to not be one of those children-now-adults. Because if you had been, then you would understand that some people's having children is a very bad decision.

DS and DIL have struggled with loss and infertility. They've just passed the twelve week stage for the first time. Amongst their professional friend group they'll be the last to become parents.
I see no truth in your OP. From my albeit limited experience, I see couples seemingly waiting longer (they've been together 12 years) and having less DC, that parents are thinking more about the impact DC will have on their lives.

I actually think it is quite sad that human beings seem to find it difficult to lead balanced lives with plenty of variety. So it is either the party animal, or complete domestic bliss, there is an area in-between that most people seem to have difficulty achieving.

It's not becoming 'unfashionable'. It's the first time in history that women are able to make a fully informed choice, and it turns out, that choice is often a 'no'. But humankind as a whole will always breed - we're just animals at the end of the day with base instincts

Having children as a young couple is financially unattainable (if you go down the route society typically expects: marriage (expensive) house (expensive) then kids.

Whilst I find anyone fawning over dogs like kids unappealing, it’s like coffee and avocados: more affordable in the short term.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with couples who decide that bringing up children is not for them. Personally I adore babies and children of all ages and love nurturing them.The one expression I really can't stand though is child-free. It used to be described as childless.I don't know which is worse,both are dreadful.

Humour, folks, a riff on the preposterous notion of a 'child-free lobby' exerting sociopolitical influence. Lobby, atrium, geddit?

I'm amusing myself at least, I keep adding bits to it.

—
It's a graceful marbled atrium (uncluttered by buggies, scooters, skateboards), full of luxuriant plants (which no one has yanked out), where you can sip tea or coffee (which hasn't gone cold) from fine china (unbroken), savour delicacies from around the world (instead of leftover baby puree on a half-eaten rice cake), chased by a cocktail or spirit, or two (because you can) from delicate glassware (not a plastic sippy cup in sight). The air is fresh and clean (no nappy or deodorant fumes) and you can hear birdsong overhead (instead of shrieks, a thud, then ominous silence). Your every whim is immediately catered to (no repetition required), and any mess is whisked away and fixed (by other people!). You can enjoy adult conversation (uninterrupted), and the music of your choice (no Teletubbies or Blue's Clues or Dora Exploring on perpetual loop). You can wallow (sans flotilla of plastic toys) in a hot bubble bath (no diluting to lukewarm) in peace (without small visitors demanding to be let in). You can sleep on freshly laundered sheets (no snot, or sick, or mysterious sticky bits) like a starfish (alone! taking all the space!) dreaming blissfully (undisturbed by others' nightmares) for as long as you like (no alarms or wailing). You can watch a movie straight through to the end (instead of intermittent 5 minute snatches) and get lost in any book, in all the books (without learning the same 20 pages by heart, with voices). There is not a single piece of lego underfoot.

Well I'm delighted to find out that after a lifetime spent not worrying about fashion, I am now inadvertently on trend.

The one expression I really can't stand though is child-free. It used to be described as childless.

Because for many of us it’s an active choice, not something lacking from our lives.

Someone with 10 DC at my DCs school, loads with 4DC - idiots like myself 😄

I know so many with 4!

But what's wrong with that?

What term would you use then if both childless and child free are both dreadful?

I think child free perfectly describes those who don't want to have children by choice.

I have two young children and of course there are LOADS of people in our area with children, and we know lots of them via playgroups, nursery, school, etc - so our world-view is quite full of children....

BUT I'm in my late 20s and almost none of our close social circle want children, if they do they are only planning to have one. There is a definite view of it seeming as though you don't have a full and enjoyable life if you need a child to 'complete' it. Particularly for the women.

I can't see it as a bad thing. It's good for the planet to curb human reproduction. The more humans on the planet, the more destruction of environments as they build housing, consume resources etc

I think child free is perfectly fine, although there is a slight implication that people with children aren’t free, instead weighed down by their offspring!

Equally, marriage free = not married and single= partner free. 🤣

@k1233 I agree that long term, a smaller human population will be better for the planet.

I also agree that perhaps we currently focus too much on extending life and it would be better to focus more on technology to replace the dwindling younger population. My 86-year-old Dad, for example, isn’t interested in living until he’s 100 and wants v. limited medical intervention.

I suspect that in the next century, there’ll be an interim period when the world has many older people and not enough young people. That’s where technology will hopefully plug the gap. Today’s 30-year-olds may have their knees replaced by machines in 2054!
If we don’t develop the technology, life will be truly crappy for a while.

What is total rubbish?

From the other side I have 3 dc (2 planned and no 3 was very much unplanned) and I sometimes feel embarrassed about having so many. I work in sustainability which doesn’t really help. I find people are always shocked when I tell them I have 3, it sounds and certainly feels like a lot! I feel like I’m judged for it. Amongst my colleagues it’s more normal to have no children than a big family.