Does my son just suck? Or is it me?

[kmokidsuck]

My son is 33. I moved to Kentucky with him and my then-7-year-old grandson because he is a single dad. He was a single dad. His girlfriend and her daughter moved in with us.
These are some of the things he does that just crush me every time, and I feel they are just rude behavior.
He won't answer me when I ask him a question. Most times.
He rarely replies on Messenger or answers if I call.
He will take the entire family out to eat, and bring nothing back.
He leaves the house without saying goodbye. He used to leave with his girlfriend and leave the kids with me. UNBEKNOWNST to me. That, however, has stopped.
He does nothing so far as his son is concerned. He doesn't go to school, won't do parent night, fills out none of the forms, and attends none of the meetings. I do all of these things for my grandson.
All of these things really hurt my feelings, and so I get angry, and hold it all in, unfortunately. And I feel that my grandson is now not listening to me and acting out to me because he sees that his dad doesn't care or respect me, so why should he?
I just want to know if I'm overreacting or if these things are hurtful to most people?
Thanks

About time he moved out, I say.

Ask him to move out.

But I live with him. That's the thing. I moved here to help him raise his son, and am not really in a position to move out myself. I can, I did, but my grandson needs me... I felt guilty, so came back.

Maybe I felt guilty because I moved so far away. Maybe in the same town I wouldn't feel bad leaving my grandson behind.?

So?

Move out then

You're not overreacting, it's plain rude and disrespectful. I think you should sit down with him and get it all off your chest personally, and tell your grandson not to be rude and ignore you either! Hope you get it sorted

Well you need to move out or he does.

He is an arse.

Your grandson is your son's responsibility.

.

Move out, and have your GS over once a week, or take him out to wherever at the weekend. Have fun with him, take him for outings, but him too many ice creams.... You're his nanna, not his mother

I don't think it's as easy as 'move out'.

Clearly if the OP isn't on hand the grandson will receive little to no actual parenting.

I'm sorry I have no answer, and I'm sorry your son is such a shithead, truly.

Some of this is normal behaviour. He goes out with his family. Do you really expect to go with him?

Being rude to you needs calling out

Not replying on messenger... how often are you messenging and why? Is he setting some boundaries? You live together. Are you a bit "much"

Neglecting his son needs calling out too

He sounds like an arse. How come he’s moved other people into your shared home with no consultation? Where is his kid's mother?

Gosh, that's so abusive. I think you're being too nice.

Your son sucks, yes.

Move out. Your DGS is learning to treat you appallingly. It’s going to reverberate through your and his life. Having you there to go to school parents’ evening isn’t going to mean much if he stops listening to you anyway. You can’t do it all and you owe yourself a decent life too.

Do you work? Do you earn enough to support yourself? What’s your plan for retirement?

I think you need to develop your own friendship groups too. You seem very dependent on him

This was a good arrangement while he was a single dad but life has moved on for him but not for you .

You need to find a way of being able to move out this is unhealthy for both of you

My grandson's mom is 3000 miles away and a heroin addict. And no, I don't expect to go out with my son and his new family; I just expect him to say goodbye as a courtesy to let me know they're leaving the house!

He's blanking you, Call CPS and go

He does have some horrible rude traits . You need to talk to him about them . And if you can move out do . Have your grandson over once a week at yours . His dad needs to pull his weight on parenthood . It’s not for you to do ,and by you staying there it gives him an easy ride .

You mention moving to Kentucky with him - do you mean from Britain? Is there any chance of moving back home, or at least working toward that? Have you any independent income or funds?

Why do you think he is the way he is?

I get her hesitancy to leave, though. It sounds like if she does, some things just won’t get done at all.

But if nothing changes she will be used and disrespected by her son and grandson . She has resentment from this , and rightly so. Plus the girlfriend and other child is there . It’s not a good dynamic.

I have a whole bunch of questions, trying to see the whole picture here. How long has he been a single dad? How long was he a single dad before you moved to be near him?

When you say he “does nothing” for his son, how does he behave around him? Is he disengaged from him, or is it that he acts like more of a “fun parent” while you do the necessary work?

What is his work situation like? Was he rude or disrespectful towards you before he had kids? How involved was your son’s dad in his life?

YANBU.

I’m not saying she shouldn’t leave, just that I get why she’s hesitant.

Well that goes without saying I guess . She has to make her choice.

Wow he's treating you worse than a live-in helper!

Talk to him. Tell him how hurt it makes you feel. Even if he doesn't talk back he will not be able to unheard what you say. Whether he listens is another matter.

Ultimately if nothing changes, I'd move out and go back home. It doesn't sound like he wants you there or values you.