To be angry at boyfriend for pulling out of holiday?

[Triptofarce]

Boyfriend and I have planned trip if a lifetime to a far away destination.

We’d booked flights, but are very last minute and hasn’t yet got around to booking our accommodation and activities.

Boyfriend got I’ll a couple of weeks ago, and has slowly been getting better.

he insisted today that he would be well enough for us to go on this trip next week. So tonight we booked hotels and activities (spent over £2000).

he then seemed stressed and anxious. I asked why and he reluctantly stated that he actually isn’t sure whether he’ll feel well enough to do the trip, and might need to pull out of it.

theres no way I want to do it on my own, so it means I’ll have to miss out too.

if he had told me he was unsure about whether he’d be well, then we wouldn’t have booked everything else today and would only have lost out on the flight money. But now we’ll lose out on an extra £2000 (non cancellable).

AIBU to be absolutely bloody pissed off with him?

This. Don’t let the stupid prick mug you off.

thank you everyone.

We’ve spoken about it today and he’s decided that we should go after all. He said he was having a wobble and getting nervous about the trip, but is reassured that we will be taking it slowly.

its now back on, and hopefully it will stay that way!

Excellent!

I was hoping that would happen. He can rest and join you when he feels up to it on excursions. Maybe the fresh air and change of scenery will do him some good!

Have a good time.

Why does he get to decide everything?

Hope you've made it clear he'll be paying you back if he changes his mind again?

OP never said he did cancel. She said in the OP he was anxious about the trip.

He was so anxious his cancellation seemed very likely, otherwise OP would not have been posting in first place.

He is recovering from obviously erious illness. He is allowed to be nervous about his ability to hike and move between accommodations tbf. We all had that feelimg better, agreeing to things then feeling worse and panicking about promksed engagements at least once in our lives, no?

He should not have pushed for booking however.

Did my post suggested otherwise or did you quote a wrong person?
I stated the obvious that clearly while he didn't officially cancelled the risk of him doing it was pretty high.

Sorry it was wrong quote! Screen jumps lately

Some of these replies are so harsh. What's new? Maybe he's full of guilt about letting the OP down and suggested making the bookings in a fit of optimism. When reality set in, he started to panic about all the possible ways this trip could go wrong. He's not an irresponsible monster, he's scared. If it's not too late to cancel some of the programme and opt for a more relaxing trip, do that. If it is too late, re-assess when the time comes. Maybe he will feel well enough to go. Either way he doesn't deserve the names he's being called on here. But as I said, What's new?

When you say ill, how ill do you mean ? Ill enough to not qualify for travel insurance ?
He sounds really flaky , feckless and unreliable, bordering on a bit simple.
He never should have agreed to book it if his illness was severe enough to even have the remotest chance of not being well enough to go.
I completely get why you don't want to go alone.
Dangerous as a lone female. Not worth it if you can't find a travel companion.
I'd read him his fortune, don't stay silent.
Good luck with this one......

Ffs!! Read the thread!! He’s going 🙄

We were booked on a trip to Japan for the Rugby World Cup in 2019. We were meeting our 23 yr old DS there. We hadn’t seen him for several years as he had emigrated.
DH -normally super fit - had a massive heart attack six weeks before. A fortnight before we were due to travel he had more stents fitted and they accidentally gave him another heart attack on the operating table. He said it was worse than the first in terms of feeling ill.
I assumed we’d cancel but he insisted on traveling. I tried to upgrade his flight but it was fully booked. I was worried sick. He got to Japan exhausted but super happy to see our DS. We did one thing a day. DH was fine. It was a brilliant trip. Nobody felt restricted by going at DH’s pace. The holiday did us all good.
I know every situation is different but unless it’s a life-threatening condition, you’ll be able to fit the trip to his pace. He naps in the afternoons and you explore. Men are more resilient than they sometimes imagine! You will both feel miserable if you stay home. 🤞🏻 he comes round.

If it’s only fatigue in the afternoon and you’ve downgraded to a more chilled schedule where does he foresee the problem? If he tells you exactly which bits are worrying him maybe you can downgrade again but still go.

Holy moly

That’s good news OP! Have a great time.

I wonder if he is afraid.

He's going to hold you back your whole life if you stay with this man.

Drag him on the trip, he can stay in the hotel whilst you have the best time if he's going to carry on being dramatic over being tired.

I wonder if this was a case of him not wanting to let you down?

I think you should go without him and he can see how it goes nearer the date?

He was ill two weeks ago. Days. In fact he was so ill, he was kept in hospital overnight.

When this happens - Being ill, fear, anxiety, worry about what it could mean, relief when you're released, hope for everything to be all right and normal - we seldom think straight.

He has been very scared and this can knock you for six, your judgement and your common sense.

I once got home from work to find my partner lying on the bed googling 'what should I do about this pain in my chest?' In the face of his objections I called the ambulance. Yes, he was having a heart attack.

Yours may have been insisting and pushing, but that was hope talking. Then the confidence wobbled - because he wasn't ready.

So I'm going to go against the flow and say you should have said No. We wait. Until you are 100% fit, confident and ready for a tiring as well as expensive adventure.

All the best for you both, it sounds like it's going ahead. But stay vigilant because he might wobble again.

Please please please - check that his travel insurance is good for the trip, given he’s been in hospital so recently. Most would require confirmation that he’s fit to travel and for it to be declared to avoid invalidating the insurnace.

edited to add - I see there was an underlying issue - he was just nervous :-) glad that you’re both going :-)

my daughter went on a 9 month trip with her boyf, they had booked a hike through the Himalayas which took (I think) nearly two weeks of hiking treacherous routes.
for the week coming up to the hike she was terribly ill with Delhi belly, and barely got out of bed. They didn’t cancel and didn’t let the fact that she was only up and about two days before going (and then only to buy their cold weather gear) stop them.
she was fine (I was not - I was worried sick) but what I’m saying is that the adrenaline takes over and you can overcome more than you think you can.

is there a different reason he doesn’t want to go anymore that he’s not telling you?? Because this one sounds a bit suspect….