To be angry at boyfriend for pulling out of holiday?

[Triptofarce]

Boyfriend and I have planned trip if a lifetime to a far away destination.

We’d booked flights, but are very last minute and hasn’t yet got around to booking our accommodation and activities.

Boyfriend got I’ll a couple of weeks ago, and has slowly been getting better.

he insisted today that he would be well enough for us to go on this trip next week. So tonight we booked hotels and activities (spent over £2000).

he then seemed stressed and anxious. I asked why and he reluctantly stated that he actually isn’t sure whether he’ll feel well enough to do the trip, and might need to pull out of it.

theres no way I want to do it on my own, so it means I’ll have to miss out too.

if he had told me he was unsure about whether he’d be well, then we wouldn’t have booked everything else today and would only have lost out on the flight money. But now we’ll lose out on an extra £2000 (non cancellable).

AIBU to be absolutely bloody pissed off with him?

I think people are being a bit harsh on him. If it was a week in a 5 star hotel relaxing by the pool- fine , but trekking round a remote country staying in cabins is not the sort of holiday you’d want to go on if you are recovering from a serious illness. What if he had a relapse? Would you be near medical facilities? The insurance wouldn’t pay out if you needed treatment or to fly home early. He should have thought it through though before insisting on booking. He should definitely pay you back - maybe think about getting away on a different sort of holiday - an air bnb somewhere beautiful in Scotland - he can pay - where you could get back if needed?

Yes and the op said he just seemed anxious and eventually admitted he was worried, not that he has actually cancelled. I think lots of people who had been recently hospitalised might have a bit of a panic booking an active holiday
And the op did know! Not exactly fair.

Holiday insurance doesn’t cover changing your mind

Is he a keeper? Perhaps he’s anxious about leaving you on your own if he doesn’t feel up to doing stuff. Encourage him to come with you if you’ll miss his company on the trip but reassure him you don’t mind the prospect F him having to take it easy some days.
If however he’s not a keeper get his money back ASAP and go alone.

Maybe if you tell him you're going anyway he'll suddenly be well enough to come with you.

Remember this holiday is for you - bought and paid for by you - sounds like you really deserve a break - so just go on an adventure of a lifetime with or without him.

Insurance doesn't cover things you've booked AFTER you were taken ill.

It might cover the flights as they were booked beforehand, but nothing that they booked yesterday given he was hospitalised a couple of weeks ago.

If he’s been ill he will have had to tell his travel insurance provider. Maybe he’s desperately trying to find someone who will cover him? If you’re going to the USA where healthcare is incredibly expensive this might be tricky.

Obviously he ought to be up front with you, but there may be a reason other than being a wuss.

Don't be quietly furious, be loudly furious. He either goes or he pays you back.

Get yourself on some Facebook groups like Love her Wild, women's adventure groups and advertise for a travel buddy! Don't miss out!

What makes you think he won’t pay you back if he can’t come?

The sort of holiday in isolated places you describe would not be something I'd not want to do without a male companion. I'm no shrinking violet but a single woman would be putting herself in a very vulnerable position. I say that as somebody who is probably only alive because my father was prepared to kill somebody with his bare hands to save us. (No, he didn't have to kill him but wouldn't have hesitated if he had to and the person knew he had met somebody who was prepared to do just that so we didn't end up dead in a dark basement in the Middle East after a sight seeing trip went very wrong.)

Given that he absolutely insisted you make the bookings after you asked multiple times whether he was up to it, I would be beyond incandescent with rage that he has wasted two years of your savings. I would be demanding he repaid me and he can see how he'd like it as a solo holiday. I despise wimpy unreliable men (possibly something genetic there?) so I wouldn't be seeing a future with him myself.

He needs to pay you back OP. At least half although really if it was me who had done this I'd pay it all back as I'd feel guilty. If he's not even offering to pay his half he's a selfish arse.

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Just proceed as planned and your boyfriend might rest up more on the trip and watch you doing adventurous things sometimes ..or the holiday might bring him back to full health.

I would suggest that while it's tempting to be outright angry with him, instead you start off by talking about the changes you've made to make the trip less arduous. Tell him you're happy to take breaks as often as he likes.
But do say that you are worried too as you have committed all this money as he said he was well enough to go.

NB if you booked everything last night you might be able to cancel some of it within 24 hrs of booking.

A slightly different perspective ~ were you really pushing to go on this particular holiday?

if my DH was recovering from an illness that had him hospitalised I wouldn’t push to book an adventure holiday, I would say “ok let’s do that next year, let’s have a look at something else for this year”.

it sounds like your DP wanted to go along with it but then freaked out at how full on it would be.

you should also check your health insurance in case he’s likely to get ill again whilst out there.

Perhaps you could sit down with him, go over the schedule and add in rest points so he can get more comfortable with it. Ultimately though he needs to know he should pay you back if he’s not going, and how devastated you’d be for losing the money.

He sounds like a drip. I'd be furious. He'd be paying me back, and I'd go alone. As a single woman.

I think the most recent messages are helpful. See what you might be able to cancel and go and have a diffierent kind of holiday, cutting your cloth according to his energy.

I was away with DP last week and recovering from a bug (not as bad as your DPs) and we went out am, rested early am, and then I was ok to go out again later.

. Even with hiking you might be able to build in more rest breaks, spend an extra day at a hut in the middle, not go as far.

Re whether it would be fair to expect him to pay you back, would depend on if he would have that kind of money or if he too has saved up for two years. Also, if you’d booked insurance before the flights so could claim those back. Depending on what he had he might also want to try to get medical advice about whether it’s ok to go somewhere remote, this might be reassuring or might guide you to a different kind of holiday.

Given that he absolutely insisted you make the bookings after you asked multiple times whether he was up to it, I would be beyond incandescent with rage that he has wasted two years of your savings.

And this is why I'd be absolutely furious.

I would suggest he gets advice from the medical ream who treated him & see if they think it's advisable gor him to travel and if your itinerary is suitable.

If he wants to cancel then he pays. Non negotiable. I think he will suddenly feel well enough.

He has been recovering since though and now his only remaining symptom is fatigue in the afternoon, usually alleviated by a nap.

There’s his solution right there. It’s called pacing. I’ve got fibro and CFS and while I wouldn’t book a holiday mountain climbing I still go on holidays where I go out most days. And as he had an illness chances are he’ll recover his energy levels a bit each day.
If he cancels he either refunds you in full or you go alone. I’d go, even with CFS and in my 60s. Life’s too short to pass up opportunities to see the world.

Another option for the non cancellable stuff is it may be possible to reschedule it, flights as well possibly at extra cost. Worth checking out asap, although by far the best option is that he goes.

Wow what an idiot

I’d go it alone though and probably wouldn’t be my boyfriend on return

Which country is it? Because some countries you will be absolutelu fine travelling on your own.