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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sister jealousy

111 replies

Dottiemay · 16/08/2024 23:38

Not sure if this is the right thread but struggling to place. Hoping for people to send some objective insight.

I'm late mid 30s and single parent of a daughter aged ten. Also the youngest of three sisters. I had my daughter unexpectedly whilst not in a relationship and father is only semi involved. At the time of her birth I was finishing my PhD and working part time in a minimum wage job. I went back to work full time when she was 4 months old and in the ten years I've worked my way up to being on a salary upwards of 75k.

For some reason I'm insanely jealous of my middle sister and I can't work out why. She's married with three kids and works part time in a low paid admin role. Her husband isn't particularly great in terms of fatherhood duties. He earns mid-30s. This sister has a very cosy life, quite small town mentality, keeps family and friends close but isn't worldly or outward looking in perception etc. The closest I can get to describe her that people would understand is 'basic bitch' but she's not a bitch, she's lovely, just very simple.

None of this is what I want in life and nothing that aligns with my values or personality. In fact, my oldest sister is hugely high-flying, massive earner, very prolific in her field. And yet it's my middle sister I feel this jealousy of which feels so instinctive rather than rational that I can't make sense of it.

I don't want a husband who does no childcare. I don't want a minimum wage entry level job. Surely I should be jealous of my oldest sister who feels like me but a million times better? But I'm not, I'm just happy for her. And I can't work it out.

Any armchair psychs out there who want to float why?

OP posts:
Greigeisthelatestbeige · 17/08/2024 18:57

I would much rather be called a Basic Bitch than a Homebody. I don't think op is being horrible at all

Maybe you are generally rather unpleasant then.

What does basic bitch mean?
Basic bitch is a term used to condescendingly refer to women who have predictable or unoriginal style, interests, or behavior. The term has been criticized as misogynistic, though it has been reclaimed, to some extent, by women who have been labeled basic bitches.

What is a homebody?
noun
a person who seldom goes anywhere; one not given to wandering or travel

friendlyflicka · 17/08/2024 23:46

Greigeisthelatestbeige · 17/08/2024 18:57

I would much rather be called a Basic Bitch than a Homebody. I don't think op is being horrible at all

Maybe you are generally rather unpleasant then.

What does basic bitch mean?
Basic bitch is a term used to condescendingly refer to women who have predictable or unoriginal style, interests, or behavior. The term has been criticized as misogynistic, though it has been reclaimed, to some extent, by women who have been labeled basic bitches.

What is a homebody?
noun
a person who seldom goes anywhere; one not given to wandering or travel

I am an extremely pleasant person. I have 2 teenage daughters - very different. My middle daughter jokes about me and the older one being 'basic bitches' and we all laugh about it. Horses for courses. I am expressing my own personal feelings and have probably been less unpleasant on this post - at least to the OP - who is the person who made herself vulnerable by asking the Q, then many others on this thread.

Hectorscalling · 18/08/2024 05:52

friendlyflicka · 17/08/2024 23:46

I am an extremely pleasant person. I have 2 teenage daughters - very different. My middle daughter jokes about me and the older one being 'basic bitches' and we all laugh about it. Horses for courses. I am expressing my own personal feelings and have probably been less unpleasant on this post - at least to the OP - who is the person who made herself vulnerable by asking the Q, then many others on this thread.

Show quote history

So you don’t see the difference?

Do you think the Op and her sister sit and make jokes, that the sister finds funny, about her being a basic bitch?

If you want to make a family joke of a misogynistic insult. That’s up to you. Have at it. But it’s not the same as someone using it to describe their sister to other people, not as a joke and behind their back.

I don’t care about the word cunt. Me and dp use it, in private, as a joke. But that doesn’t mean I think any and all use of the word cunt, isn’t offensive. I wouldn’t use it to describe my brother, behind his back to other people. I can see, while it doesn’t bother me or Dp, it being used in other contexts isn’t ok.

KimFan · 18/08/2024 05:59

It’s because she’s truly content. No amount of career success/salary/ social status can bring that. She’s happy with her life and it shows.

dayslikethese1 · 18/08/2024 08:55

Nothing wrong with being a basic bitch (misses point of thread)😁
I think you're annoyed your sister is content OP despite making (in your mind) lesser choices in life.

Pussycat22 · 18/08/2024 10:47

I think you need to work on what you think you need for contentment, try and work out what is lacking for you. Love yourself mentally, physically and spiritually. There's lots of stuff online. Mindbodysoul is one.x

friendlyflicka · 18/08/2024 15:10

Hectorscalling · 18/08/2024 05:52

So you don’t see the difference?

Do you think the Op and her sister sit and make jokes, that the sister finds funny, about her being a basic bitch?

If you want to make a family joke of a misogynistic insult. That’s up to you. Have at it. But it’s not the same as someone using it to describe their sister to other people, not as a joke and behind their back.

I don’t care about the word cunt. Me and dp use it, in private, as a joke. But that doesn’t mean I think any and all use of the word cunt, isn’t offensive. I wouldn’t use it to describe my brother, behind his back to other people. I can see, while it doesn’t bother me or Dp, it being used in other contexts isn’t ok.

Show quote history

I do see the difference but assumed that the OP was using it in the way I would. I chose to give her the benefit of the doubt.

Getitwright · 18/08/2024 15:53

Everyone is different, even sisters. Your sister, according to you is happy and content with her lot, which might not be your choice for your life. The problem fundamentally isn’t your sister, it is you. For whatever reason, despite all your striving, and dare I say, the one big mistake you appear to have made, ie ending up with a child, no matter how loved now, but possibly unplanned at the time. You need to focus on you, your plans, your child, your career and life pathways, and not dwell on the happiness of others. Go find your happy place, make the most of being you.

1AngelicFruitCake · 18/08/2024 15:56

I can’t imagine calling someone, anyone a basic bitch, least of all my sister.

Nikki75 · 07/06/2025 08:44

Basic bitch... wow .
Your sister is content with her life she isnt constantly striving for better and better.
She is happy in the moment what your sister is content with is none of your business.
You have set yourself up for high standards so life will seem relentless in that you are constantly trying to achieve but fail to enjoy life in the moment as your sister is.
You sound unhappy.

AliasGrace47 · 07/06/2025 13:25

Nikki75 · 07/06/2025 08:44

Basic bitch... wow .
Your sister is content with her life she isnt constantly striving for better and better.
She is happy in the moment what your sister is content with is none of your business.
You have set yourself up for high standards so life will seem relentless in that you are constantly trying to achieve but fail to enjoy life in the moment as your sister is.
You sound unhappy.

Zombie thread!

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