To never trust my HV again?

[sosocross]

And to demand a new one?

I am so angry and feel I'm being made to feel like a bad mother by someone who knows f all about me. We have never gotten along and she had issues with me questioning the Jabs and also her advice on weaning.

She once called round unannounced. DP had taken the DC to his mums for a couple of nights and I had a friend round. She was horrified that we were drinking wine but it was 4pm and why wouldn't one, when you have a rare child free night? She really grilled me about where the children where and told me I had to bring them into clinic every two weeks.

I have done so, though it has been annoying as I've often had to cancel plans with friends. Last week I called to tell her it was DP's birthday so I would go to clinic the following week. She insisted we don't change the plan so I went out for lunch with him and our friends, collected the children from my mum and went to clinic.

She was all smiles while we were there and I told her our plans for that evening and how nice it was to have a babysitter. Also that we had been for lunch and I'd had a glass of wine.

Then this morning I received a letter from Child services telling me concerns have been raised that I am using alcohol whilst in charge of the children and they need to speak to me. I called her first and she said 'I'm sure the children are alright, but it's my job to raise concerns and I feel you don't engage with me'. Surely if she had any concerns she should talk to me first, is that not their job?

Anyway the good part is I called them and they said there is no reason to visit us, but they will keep the referral on file and if anything else comes to their attention they will take it seriously.

But in all, I am so angry. What if I have to take them to A&E after an accident? I've heard the horror stories of social services getting involved over innocent injuries, so how would it look for us that we now have a 'file' with them. ffs.

I am wondering if I can report the HV to anyone, or if there is another way to remove this file from their register. I have nothing to hide, they can come and inspect us and our medical records if they like.

This is staggering.

omg she has over reacted

I know Moondog
(you probably know me, I just needed to namechange as some of my family are on here and I don't want the gossip mill to start)

horrific over reaction

God soso
Speak to her senior nurse manager (contact the primary care trust) also be proactive, see your GP, she may be working out of the surgery so the GP can speak to them.

i mean the HV BTW!

That is appaling, put in an offical complaint telling him/her exactly what you've told us. Stupid, stupid woman.

This is extraordinary - can you go to CAB to see if you can nip this in the bud? You REALLY don't want this on file, and having a glass of wine is not unreasonable - fgs how many of us drink a glass of wine when in charge of the kids, whether awake or asleep? Probably there is not one person on MN who hasn't!!!

YOu need to make an official complaint, this is madness and someone who is power hungry

The worst ting is DP thinks she is perhaps in the right, in that she turned up unannounced the children were not there (because they should be glued to my boobs 24/7?) and I was drinking, and that I'd delayed the immunisations until I felt I knew enough to make the decision. (His attitude is, just do what they tell you)

yes, you can make a complaint.
hv's are, IIRC, employed by the local NHS primary care trust. Get those details from the NHS website and write to the complaints dept.

TBH I am not sure that you will be able to get this allegation wiped from SDD records straight away. If you make a complaint and this is upheld it might help.

but just to play devil's advocate, the SSD have taken you at your word. but just say they got a call from someone else next week, and a third the following week, (which OBVIOUSLY isn't going to happen) they might need to refer back to the initial contact.

If you want to really be malicious report her to her superiors and have something negative put on her file...

I would seriously report her to somebody - PCT, GP - I don't quite know - I know that SS have to err on the side of caution, but this is a step beyond...

I am truly appalled by this! Why does she expect you to go to clinic so often? Attendance at clinic isn't compulsory so how dare she tell you to change your plans and go. Do your DCs have any particular problem which needs constant monitoring? If not, it's up to you whether you go once a fortnight or once every six months, surely? As for the alcohol issue, she reported you for having a glass of wine on just two occasions, on one of which your children weren't even there? I would be registering a very strong complaint if I were you.

It's just another in a string of complaints but this is the final, and massive, straw.

She advised I wean DD at 4.5 months (you've all heard that before) Then when I didn't she really grilled me and when DD's weight plateaued at 5 1/2 months she told me it was because I hadn't weaned her yet. ffs.

Her weaning advice is against Department of Health and WHO guidelines. She should be disciplined/struck off for that alone. Seriously, you have got to speak to her superiors about this. Don't let her do this to another family.

it is NOT malicious to do that, not at all, nagapie. it is, frankly, the ONLY sensible course of action for the OP to protect herself in future from the repercussions that may arise from being on file.

and btw, OP, your HV is a bitch.

Wtf!! You really must complain. And she has no right to insist on fortnightly clinic visits either. Do NOT stand for it!

I see what you mean PW and I can see it from her warped perspective.
If she hadn't mentioned it and something happened she'd be in trouble.
I think in the area we live there is a lot of over cautiousness,after the victoria climbie etc, perhaps at the expense of mothers who need support.

I was considering contacting the PCT but not sure I want to drag it out. Maybe I can just switch health visitors and put this behind me?

when my grandma and i go for lunch with dd we actualy split a WHOLE bottle of wine between us! we should have reported years ago

Report her, she is a manipulative bully and a bigot and unfit for her job. THere is nothing wrong at all with a parent having a glass of wine now and again ("using alcohol while in charge of the children" WTF does this mean? I can understand it being a problem if someone was falling down pantswetting drunk in sole charge of a child but nearly every parent has a glass of wine or beer sometimes. Occasionally more than one.)
It sounds to me as though she is possibly a loony on the subject of alcohol either because she or a family member have substance abuse problems or because she belongs to some or other fuckwit religion that prohibits it and therefore she has no sense of proportion. But this woman has no right to bully you this way, and she cannot order you to go to the clinic.

Her superiors seriously need to know what she is doing.
SoSO if you wnat to complain contact the PCTs Pateint Liasion Services (PALS) and they should help you

The retaliatory thing to do would be to scupper her HV career - however, on second thoughts, you will be doing all a favour....

Clinic attendance isn't compulsory. You don't have to see a HV.

She is bonkers. Her advice is incorrect and contravenes guidelines. Report her to the PCT and keep written copies of all correspondence. Don't forget to ask for acknowledgement of your letter.

Aside from protecting yourself from future complaints you should report her anyway. She seems to have issues that need reviewing if she is going to be continuing in that work.

Do get some outside advice first. CAB as someone said would be a good place to start.

no, you MUST get a complaint in writing. whether on your GPs file or on her work record. do not let this pass unnoticed, as you say, what if you have to take dcs to hospital?