To never trust my HV again?

[sosocross]

And to demand a new one?

I am so angry and feel I'm being made to feel like a bad mother by someone who knows f all about me. We have never gotten along and she had issues with me questioning the Jabs and also her advice on weaning.

She once called round unannounced. DP had taken the DC to his mums for a couple of nights and I had a friend round. She was horrified that we were drinking wine but it was 4pm and why wouldn't one, when you have a rare child free night? She really grilled me about where the children where and told me I had to bring them into clinic every two weeks.

I have done so, though it has been annoying as I've often had to cancel plans with friends. Last week I called to tell her it was DP's birthday so I would go to clinic the following week. She insisted we don't change the plan so I went out for lunch with him and our friends, collected the children from my mum and went to clinic.

She was all smiles while we were there and I told her our plans for that evening and how nice it was to have a babysitter. Also that we had been for lunch and I'd had a glass of wine.

Then this morning I received a letter from Child services telling me concerns have been raised that I am using alcohol whilst in charge of the children and they need to speak to me. I called her first and she said 'I'm sure the children are alright, but it's my job to raise concerns and I feel you don't engage with me'. Surely if she had any concerns she should talk to me first, is that not their job?

Anyway the good part is I called them and they said there is no reason to visit us, but they will keep the referral on file and if anything else comes to their attention they will take it seriously.

But in all, I am so angry. What if I have to take them to A&E after an accident? I've heard the horror stories of social services getting involved over innocent injuries, so how would it look for us that we now have a 'file' with them. ffs.

I am wondering if I can report the HV to anyone, or if there is another way to remove this file from their register. I have nothing to hide, they can come and inspect us and our medical records if they like.

I'm worried she might read this now and do something else against us. I think you are right that she is abusing her position of authority.
I just wonder why she couldn't have arranged to come round and talk to me if she had any concerns?

She sounds quite insane. The not immunising and all the other stuff you've said is bread and butter stuff for HVs. Does she have any other reasons to feel that your children are at risk? She sounds as though she thinks you are an alcoholic/ on drugs and may be harming your babies that way. If so, it is imperative to get this slur cleared from your record. I know someone whose children were nearly taken into care because the 3 yr old had impetigo, and ONE HV decided it was an infected cigarette burn. She had loads of problems from that one thing on her file.

I second mummydoit, you need to contact her superior, Don't overlook this and let it lie, as you've already stated this will remain on file.

You sound like a knowledged and caring mother, there is nothing wrong with making up your own mind about jabs etc, they are their to advise and support, NOT dictate. And why is it unreasonable to drink alcohol when your children are not around or on a special occasion. I would seriously consider getting legal advise.

duchesse none at all, both children are happy, healthy, have never been to A&E and rarely to the GP. Their weights are good (according to the charts) and they passed their development checks with stars.

She seems to have a real issue with me though, as I've said when I questioned her on various issues she would get flustered.
I suppose she prefers the mums who come into clinic , make small talk and accept her advice.

OMG, I'm gobsmacked at this woman [shcok]

firstly to turn up unannounced and then grill you over where the children are. none of her business frankly, or whether you were enjoynig a glass of wine.

The immunisations. i don't think that these are a legal requirement and I would say you were perfectly within your rights waiting till you'd had all the information. i know of some babies who had their jabs quite late due to various bouts of illness so the timing of them isn't set in stone anyway.

wrt the weaning thing.....sadly most HVs are still keen to see babies weaned by the time they are six months, not starting at six months.

Report her to whoever you need to report her to, make an appointment with the CAB to discuss your rights and what to do next, and Good Luck.

She is sooo (rightly) gonna lose her job... She sounds like a 19th century matron, not a primary care professional dealing with moslty educated clued-up young parents. Silly (and soon to be working in an admin job) woman.

Thanks so much for all your advice. I have tried calling my local CAB just now but they have a messaging service, so hopefully they will call me back. I don't want to go in all guns blazing and get shot it in the foot.
(cliche emoticon)

I'm just glad no one yelled 'troll' or 'popcorn' as happens so often. It does beggar belief but I imagine enough of you have some experience of incompetent health care professionals to advise me.

got to go and pick up DC from school.
however I will be digging out my NMC (nursing and midwifery council) code of practice and decide how much of it she is contravening later.
XXX

I complained about my HV and got a new one, I did it all iin writing myself. I have to say that in our case the HV denied everything and accused my childminder of lying - this was after she told her clinic helper directly in front of my CM that I was "expecting another one".

So HV denied it PCT took her word over mine & CM (there were actually 3 seperate confidentiality incidents I brought up in my complaint) but at least a got a different and very good HV to replace her

Take her down... silly woman. (HV)

How old is your DC? You should be able to totally ignore her "instructions" to come to her clinic every two weeks.

We had a hassley HV (crazy), we just ended up saying we didn't want to make any more appointments "thank you very much". You don't have to see her!

Write a letter to whoever you need to, get it on your and her records and then never see her again.

And then have a nice glass of wine.

Bottoms up!

That's terrible, would report her to anyone and everyone! There's doing your job and then being stupidly over the top. Unless your dc is actually failing to thrive, not just plateauing, surely weaning etc has nowt to do with her unless you ask for help. And unless she already had genuine reason to worry, then where your dc are is no concern of hers either! Would report her and never go again if it was me.

FWIW, if you can drink and still look after your dc properly then that should be no-one else's business. Ok, if you're drunk and incapable it's a different matter but it doesn't sound like that was anywhere near the case with you. God knows what she'd have done if she'd seen me and a couple of other MN'ers when dd was a baby and, while in charge of our kids (but none of us driving), we got through 3 bottles of vino

(through a long summer afternoon I might add, we didn't all down a bottle and then shut the kids in a cupboard while we passed out)

They are 9m and 2.10y

Fucking hell!

She is unbelievable and I am tempted to suggest you make an official complaint about her.

Making you go to clinic every two weeks? Unless there is a problem with the baby's weight gain I fail to see why anyone has to go that often unless they want too. I went every week with my first baby but tbh it was something to do.

That's extraordinary.

I'm astonished. Had alcohol while in charge of children? Of course you bloody have, who hasn't?

I have yet to hear anyone, in this era of huge paranoia about parenting, say "I'm sorry, I can't have a glass of wine. I'm spending the afternoon with my own children".

Gobsmacked. Are you under any obligation to bring your child to the clinic in the first place? I would refuse to see her again, write a strong worded letter of complaint to the practice manager and threaten them with the local papers.

By the way CAB will (I think) not get overly involved where a professional is involved. They may well refer you to the regulating body and employer (ie the NMC and PCT) as you are complaining about her professional skills.

Not that she sounds very professional I hasten to add!

I forgot, one issue was that DS wasn't wearing socks when we visited clinic. I have tried but it upsets him, he loves being barefoot, just shoes are a struggle. He has well fitted shoes , new ones every two months so if he's happy without socks I'm happy not to battle it!

You have got to save future mothers from this dangerous woman.

You must make an official complaint straight away. I personally don't trust health visitors after one reported me to social services because my DD had a Mongolian blue spot (see multicultural families thread).

Every two weeks? When your youngest is 9 months? I have seen HV since DS was four months old. She was flippin useless (youllhavetoputhimonformula, youllhavetoputhimonformula, over and over, it was all she ever said, like some sort of demented robot, so I stopped going, I just see the GP if DS is ill). Definitely report her. She is clearly a bully exploiting her authority.

(Incidentally I'm a recovering alcoholic with 'issues' about people drinking around children. And I still think she's barking mad.)

Sorry that should say 'have NOT seen HV'.

Must start previewing my messages

Bugger her! Don't go - you don't have to. I never went near the clinic with ds2 (was there every week with PFB! but ds2 only got seen for the developmental checks. There is no legal requirement to take them. Def make a complaint. Write down everything she's done and said so far.

pinkmagic that is awful. It is scary the power such misguided/misinformed people have isn't it?