To be a bit concerned about DD's age gap relationship?

[QuirkyLemonBird]

My DD 24 has recently begun a relationship with a man who is 29, I know there is nothing inappropriate about the age gap but I can't help but feel a bit uneasy at the different stages in life they may possible be at. DD is not sure if she wants kids, her new boyfriend doesn't want kids now but in 5 years he will be 34. Now at that age I would imagine a lot of men would want to settle down and have start having children. However, DD has told me she can't see herself wanting children in 5 years when she is 29.

DD has told me she has fallen head over heels in love with him and doesn't know what the best course of action is? They have been dating since the spring so not very long at all. The relationship may not even last so would it be bad advice to advise to DD that she should just take things as they go and enjoy the honeymoon phase of a new relationship and not worry about things which are a few years down the line?

He’s 5 years older than she is. That is not an “age gap” unless you’re talking about people still at school. They are both adults. Nobody would think twice about it.

I remember you posting about her before.

Everyone said to cut the apron strings.
You need to back off. Let her grow up.

That's not an age gap.

Froth over nothing.

That isn’t an age gap and she doesn’t need to worry about starting a family right now! Let her enjoy things.

It's not an age gap. I think you should let her live her life how she wants. There's 5 years between me and my husband....never a problem.

That age gap is not bad at all. My partner is 9years older than me in his 40s

My husband is five years older than me 🤷‍♀️

Are you serious?

I don’t see this as a problem at all

DD has told me she has fallen head over heels in love with him and doesn't know what the best course of action is?

So the problem is that he might want kids in 5 years and she's not sure if she's ready to have kids in 5 years?

5years would be a big age gap if she’s 14 and he’s 19… but once your in your 20s onwards it’s nothing

i don’t even think it qualifies as an age gap relationship at that age

This is a complete non-issue

Yep!

There’s 5 years between me and DH, we had out child at 41 and 46. Five years between grown adults is not an age gap.

15 and 20 is something to worry about. 24 and 29 is absolutely not.

I don’t think there’s anything to worry about - 5 years is nothing, esp when you consider that generally men mature later than women.
If he’d already been married and had some kids then I might agree they could be in separate stages of life … but that doesn’t seem to be the case here

“she should just take things as they go and enjoy the honeymoon phase of a new relationship and not worry about things which are a few years down the line” - This isn’t unreasonable (although probably doesn’t actually need to be said).

All of this unnecessary worrying about a completely imagined scenario 5 years from now is unreasonable. Your daughter is an adult woman and can make her own decisions / navigate her own (definitely not an age gap) relationship.

5 years is nothing. DH and I have an almost exactly 5 years age gap and its never been an issue. They decide between them when and if they want children the same way every couple will. You could have a 1 year age gap and be on competely different pages baby wise.

“She can’t see herself wanting children in 5 years when she is 29.”

SO much can change in five years! She doesn’t know now what she’ll want in five years time. Right NOW she doesn’t want ch, but may feel very differently in a couple of years.

Alternatively…

He might not want ch when he’s 34. You’ve just assumed he will. I’m 35 and my male friends are 33-38 and all have girlfriends/fiancés/wives. Some have ch, some don’t. I have a 37 year old male friend who is married and him and his wife have no interest in children.

I honestly wouldn’t worry! If she’s happy that’s all that matters.

Im 35 and my boyfriend/partner is 28. I’ve never for one second worried that our age gap will give us problems, we are both really happy and on the same page and that’s what matters.

Gently OP, the problem here seems to be you. You're catastrophising. Imagining future problems without any indication they will arise.

5 years is nothing. They've only been dating for a few months and you're already worrying about potential problems that might occur in 5 years time!

Instead of worrying about all this imaginary stuff, spend some time thinking about why it's got you so unnecessarily worried to this inappropriate level.

I thought you were going to say she was 24 and he was 50! He is five years older than her. Get a grip @QuirkyLemonBird

You're being utterly ridiculous OP

Heh? 24 and 29? They're practically twins!!

Eh what? Both adults, both capable of making decisions to suit their relationship. You sound like you are far too invested in this.

I was 22 and at university when I met DH. He was almost 27 and had just bought his first property working full time in a professional job. We managed perfectly well, bought our first property together when I was 24 and him 29.
Then started TTC when I was 26 and he was 31 didn't happen for 5 years but our ages were never a factor in it and all.

Eh???? Thought you were going to say he was 49. Not 29!!!

There is no age gap. That’s just normal. My DH and I are 4 yrs apart and grew up (in different parts of the country) watching the same TV shows, having the same toys, knowing the same songs. I class us as the same age, same generation, as is your DD and her partner.

24 and 29 isn't an uncomfortable age gap. I'd understand the concern if she was 16 and he was 21 as 21 year olds have lots more life experience and they're an actual adult. 29 isn't young at all to become a parent and neither is 24 to be honest.

I know, it is a really normal gap. It is quite a good gap.

Anything that is a different generation gap or could be a parent age say over 15 years is a different matter.

tbh I see a lot of threads from women in their 30s suddenly in a rush to find someone to have children with.