To refuse to see a health visitor?

[silveratone]

I'm expecting my 3rd and really don't want the health vision snooping around.
Am I able to refuse this? Has anyone refused?
I'm happy to go to weigh in clinics and see them I just don't want them in my home.

I agree @lifelover16 but the hv I had didn't have the experience or skills to identify PND. The day she arrived I had been diagnosed with mastitis the night before by an emergency GP because the midwives ignored the symptoms. There was no concern shown. She went through the Edinburgh scale with me but as a box ticking exercise. There was no empathy. No how are you feeling, how are you coping with feeding, no what a lovely little baby, etc, no acknowledgement t that it had been a very difficult and frightening 24 hours and that the emergency locum could and should have been avoided. She didn't care beyond her forms.

With my first dc the HV was actively harmful, stalked into the house stinking of cigarettes and I was sitting on the kitchen sofa feeding dd1. She said "you'll never feed a big baby like that on your own, better get her onto a bottle as soon as possible" (dd1 was almost 10lb).

I know she knew that my dh was a GP and was determined that she would know better than us. She was horrible and I refused to see her again.

And I bf dd1 until she was 1.

So sorry that you had to go private to get your children appropriate medical care, that's awful. My son got his first set of grommets at 21 months on the nhs, although we had to wait 9 months on the waiting list after the consultant decided he needed them. Which is a bit rubbish when the grommets only last 6 months. The grommets made a huge difference but now he has problems with his eardrums which the consultant said is because he had grommets so now I wonder if we made the right decision.

Interesting. DS had a problem with one of his ear drums aged about 8. The consultant put it right by inserting a new grommet. The drum wasn't healing straight after a couple of burst drums. DS had something called chleastosis (sp) which results in bone being deposited with every infection. The drum being straightened resolved it but generations ago it resulted in permanent deafness. His great grandfather had it. His first grommets worked their way out when he was about 4. Saw them when he was in the bath so they lasted much longer than 6 months.

@RosesAndHellebores that sounds a dreadful experience and I’m so sorry you had such a difficult time. Genuine compassionate and skilled care might have helped you avoid all that. Your HV sounds awful and totally uncaring, I totally understand why you choose not to see another one!

I totally get you - I had DC3 recently, and just didn't see the point of the health visitor. However, I agreed to her coming round and she was lovely. If nothing else she gave me an ear to vent to about the post-birth midwives (who were driving me mad!).

On that note (and because it still annoys me!), the thing I really hated post-birth was the midwife appointments. I had an emergency C-section, and they wanted me to go to an appointment 15 minutes drive away the day after I was discharged from hospital. At that appointment, they just asked me all the same questions I had previously answered while in hospital. They were then concerned about my baby gaining weight, so they made me attend appointments pretty much every day or two for the next week or so. I have two other DCs, both breastfed, and they both lost weight in the first 10 days, then gained it back rapidly after. Nothing was wrong, I knew what I was doing, but they didn't seem to trust that. I felt judged and very irritated by the whole thing. I kept saying to my husband that I would just not go, but he persuaded me to play along. The biggest effect was on my mental health - it made me anxious that I was being forced to constantly go places while I was still recovering, and being judged on my parenting. I got over it because I knew I was ok, and my baby was ok, but if I was a first time mother I think it would have made me sick with anxiety (as indeed it did the first time). Grr.

DC3 is now extremely fat and happy! No thanks to the midwives' interventions...

Yup - they’re some of the most useless people I’ve ever met.

They're not snooping in your bedroom, they literally will not care what your bedroom looks like, they want to see where the baby will sleep, because there has been a number of cot deaths which could have been prevented with the correct safe sleep advice.

Theyre dammed if they do and dammed if they don't, in the serious case reviews it was stated that they should have checked the baby had a safe space to sleep and parents understood risks.

That said you can of course refuse them.

I am literally speechless!

I’m so sorry to hear some of these experiences. I clearly got lucky as my HV was lovely, but it’s no wonder some of you don’t want to engage with them when you’ve had such a shit time with them in the past.

@Bey

The HV I saw asked how I’d cope with my child’s Sickle Cell (which he doesn’t have - she clearly didn’t understand non-standard Hb types) and told me to tidy up.

I’d just been discharged after a hypertensive episode saw me readmitted 5 days post partum and also had a c section.

I told her to leave. She was an idiot.

Another one just just saying about how big my son was - well duh - he was 11lb - of course he’s big. So what?

Yanbu I refused was really pointless for 2 and 3 after number 1 HV was so incredibly shit!

Not sure why you @ me, i was just stating the reason why they want to look in a bedroom and that it's not to snoop.

I'm not disputing your experience with your health visitor.

@Bey because you said they don’t snoop or judge your home and some most certainly do.

@Merryoldgoat I said the reason they look in a bedroom and that it's not to snoop I didn't say they did or didn't judge your home

@Bey ok sorry - I inferred incorrectly

Ah, my son had a cholesteatoma.

I think its a lottery as to whether you get a good HV, so yanbu for refusing.

The HV for my first DC was bonkers. Insisted I attended a sleep clinic to educate me on sleep training, because my 6 month old breastfed baby wasn't sleeping 12 hours through the night. She also criticised the fact that she wasn't eating 'three square meals' a day. Like I said, DD was 6 months old.

The HV for second DC (different location) however was brilliant, spotted my pnd and that of another mum just up the road from me. She introduced us, so we had the support of each other as well. That orher mum is one of my best friends nearly 7 years later and we both, to some extent, owe our lives and happiness to that HV.

But the over-riding factor is that legally it's an optional service. They are obliged to offer it but women aren't obliged to accept it. It's shocking that this information is not made readily available and women are made to feel coerced to receive it. Coercion in any other relationship is regarded with distate and is now against the law.

its Not about being a detention human being and no being thick, it’s about the highly stressful and sleep deprived new born days where we are all in a fog and might need a hand. The egg story I spoke of was a gp, her mil said it would help him sleep and she was desperate for sleep.

@strictlymad I wasn't in a fog and my brain was sharp. Even if I was in a fog that didn't excuse my health visitor speaking to me as though I was potentially a twit. I'm glad to hear it's acknowledged that GPs can be twits. Some of the ones I've met are, on a regular basis, including the men . The one who told me it would do me good to go for a run in relation to my osteoporosis certainly was. I pointed to the boot and crutches! Also, the risk of tripping with severe osteoporosis is pretty dangerous for a dyspraxic like me :). I don't think he'd just had a baby either!

@RosesAndHellebores I think that @Strictlymad meant GP as in "GrandParent" not Doctor.

It’s not designed to be an opt in service

I found them to be absolutely crap and actually downright negligent with my second. I stopped seeing them after a terrible experience. Nobody ever questioned why I refused the development checks etc.

There are 2 early week checks, hardly snooping. Weird leap.