To refuse to see a health visitor?

[silveratone]

I'm expecting my 3rd and really don't want the health vision snooping around.
Am I able to refuse this? Has anyone refused?
I'm happy to go to weigh in clinics and see them I just don't want them in my home.

Snooping is a bit of a strong word to use.

Mine did too. My PND was missed (because I hid it) with DS1, but she picked it up with DS2 and came to visit a few times just to chat and support which was good.

Then she told me to feed my baby purées when he refused them and much preferred some of what we were eating (what was I supposed to do? Hold his nose?).

So useful in some ways, not in others!!

I remember feeling really on edge when I was due a HV (or midwife) visit as they never gave a proper time and just said oh, it will be sometime after 11. I hated that as it meant I couldn't do anything after 11 in case there was a knock on the door from her. Especially annoying if i wanted a poo, which took ages with DS1 as I'd had a bad birth and I had to go really gently and slowly. She had a habit of coming as soon as I tried to go to the toilet, or had just got the baby settled or was having a nap, or a shower. Pain in the absolute arse, honestly, I'd much rather have an appointment out of the house somewhere, which I can work my routine around.

Then because I was always on edge when she arrived, or flustered, or half asleep,or in my dressing gown because I showered late and she decided to come early, I'm sure she thought I wasn't coping or was developing PND or something. When it was just her visits which made me anxious!!

Mine saved what tiny shred of sanity I had left after my 2nd due to PND

That's great. When mine came round and I broke down and told her that I was suicidal she said to give her a call in a few days "once the phase has passed". I refused to have anything to do with them after that (once I had recovered enough to care).

What do you mean by snooping? I can't imagine she was going through your underwear drawer.

@CurlyhairedAssasin I quite agree. Fir the first appontment I got a letter at 8.50am saying she would arrive at 9am. I decided there wasn't time to get dressed and she turned up at 9.20 and didn't apologise for her lateness. It irritated. Had the letter said 9.15 I'd have been able to get dressed. Lateness for a 9am appointment could hardly be blamed on an over running clinic either. It was sloppy and disrespectful.

She was also insistent I went yo the baby clinic but couldn't offer an appointment. I am very organised and managed my time even with babies. I couldn't have stuck hanging about waiting in a grotty clinic.

You don't have to see them if you don't want to, just decline politely and say you're fine thank you, have your hands full and don't feel you need it.

I have to defend health visitors though - mine saved my life. She was absolutely wonderful through my horrendous time after my first baby and then the second baby she was instrumental in helping to get him diagnosed with reflux. Her colleague also spent time with me helping me with PND and some of the things she said have stuck with me to this day and my boys are 9 and 7 now. Original HV is now a facebook friend of mine and donated lots of uniform for when my boys started school. She was so wonderful and I don't know what I'd have done without her so there are some very good ones out there :)

They don't snoop. They might try to if they have concerns. Also, I really believe that failure to engage with HCP's with children - especially with a newborn - is a red flag and means you will be under more scrutiny for not engaging.

You can't stop the midwife coming, BTW. And why tf would you want to??

DD had a health visitor home yesterday to check on 6 week old bottle fed DGS. She has recommended a GP visit because he is pooing up to 6 times a day which could indicate lactose intolerance (even though he has no other symptoms) takes his bottles happily and is a bit windy. Apparently bottle fed babies only poo twice a day at most.
AFAIK health visitor is talking through her hat and worrying DD unnecessarily but what do I know? I just keep shtum.

I've not found them useful at all. Once I found out you can opt out, I did it.

Also to add, I have friends who were terribly misinformed my their HVs.

I also had a HV tell me to move our baby's crib out of our room as it's better for babies to sleep in their own room. The baby was a few months old and slept well which I pointed out but the HV just wasn't having any of it.

That’s utterly hellish, I’m sorry you went through PND and had that from your HV

In real.life no. On mumsnet yes, no one rates their HV.
Personally loved having health professionals tell me how well I was doing and how wonderful my babies were.

@RosesAndHellebores the issues you mentioned would be things for your GP I would have thought - not the HV ?
I don't understand these threads. I vaguely remember 2 home visits. One was the Midwife, one the HV. (although I had a post natal check that took place in the hospital as my daughter was in the scbu that was basically to check my stitches - I assume that would have normally taken place at home).
They weighed my baby. Gave information about where and when the clinic was, gave some advice on breast feeding and checked how I was making bottles (because I was mostly bottle feeding) and that was about it.
I never understand the big deal people make.

Because people don't like being undermined, most people don't like authority and you say she checked how you were making your bottles which I imagine would ruffle most people's feathers.
OP has said she is happy to go to clinic but doesn't want some judgy boots inspecting her home and I feel the same it's undignified, especially when it's not your first and you don't need teaching to suck eggs.

Just a side note - you need to go to the clinic at some point even if that's all you do so you can get the red book unless they give that at the hospital now.

@verywellbehaved one doesn't need a red book. I threw ds's away and didn't get one for dd. The children's vaccinations were held in their medical records and I was more than capable of making appointments for them with the GP on schedule. Despite the fact that the HV told me she was responsible for making sure my dc were vaccinated when I asked her what her role was. I believe, unless my dc were under social services care, that my husband and I were responsible for their vaccinations and whether they shoukd have them. They did, I believe in vaccinations but believe decisions shoukd be made in light of published research rather than the say so of a health visitor who clearly was not well briefed.

I didn't see the point of plotting the heights and weights of children on charts when they were within the usual norms which was visible by eye. If my dc hadn't been in line with those norms, they woukd have been under a paediatrician. Notwithstanding the fact that the charts take no account of pre-term babies or differences relating to race. It all seemed far too basic to be worth dealing with.

Overall I didn't think the HV service was for us and I didn't feel the hv's were o owledeable enough to provide accurate advice.

When my DC were born, the community midwives visited daily for 10/12 days. The HV visited on day 12 and at about 3.5 weeks. A lot more than now but I don't think it was better as the standards were so poor. The midwives left me high and dry with mastitis at 9 days despite me mentioning the symptoms. Their advice was so contradictory (5 and 3 students in 9 days) it was counter productive and the number of strangers rolling in at any Time was very intrusive.

No, mine were fab - I also used to work in a HV team and everyone was lovely 🤩

They're not "snooping" FFS, when kids slip through the net with abuse etc everyone is always "who let this happen?!" yet object to their role and call it pointless? They can't win.

By all means opt out of the service (they could prob do with the reduction to their ridiculous caseloads!) but there's no need to slag off an entire profession who in the main work their arses off to keep children safe and healthy.

You might feel you don't need the advice but you would be surprised at the way some parent and the resulting issues for their children. They absolutely need eyes on them and their parents need the guidance.

On the home judging point, I had reverse judging which was just as offensive. "Big house this", "it's incredibly clean and tidy I suppose you've got a cleaner", "me and my husband are making do with a one bed flat on nurse's wages".

The whole thing was absolutely awful and I never wanted them in my home again. When dd arrived I said no more than two midwives and no students and no hv.

Trust me I brought it up. The one before her said she didn't see the point in coming out as we were experienced parents. I think she got us mixed up with someone else so I told the clinic not to send her anymore and not had any more visits since.

@verywellbehaved what's wrong with checking I was making bottles correctly?
Anything that's new to someone is a learning curve and making bottles was a completely new skill to me - I had never done it before in my life.
I really don't understand why anyone would have an issue with that.

If you refuse it looks like you have something to hide. They ask to see where baby sleeps as too many people use unsafe sleep practices. I work in infant feeding and the stories I could tel you about things people have done with formula/fed newborn (raw egg to a 2 week old..) would make your hair stand on end. They are there to help and make sure all is well

@RosesAndHellebores even people with “ lovely homes, middle class incomes and professional qualifications” sometimes need help in the neonatal period and beyond. “suitably qualified “ doctors are not always around to detect for example, early PND, child development problems, domestic violence or child abuse which happen in all classes and regardless of income or professional qualifications.
I do appreciate though that some people prefer not to see a health visitor and they are quite within their rights to refuse.

Presumably you've also been taught about equality and diversity. Diversity means all new mothers are different and that needs to be acknowledged exchanges need to be adjusted. I didn't need to be spoken to as though I was as thick as two planks and on the basis that a low common denominator fits all. I expected to be spoken to as a sentient human being with feelings.

Both mine were awful. Wish I'd refused all those years ago.

As a new mum with my first I accepted the help.

When my second came along and I saw the HV having a cigarette outside my house just before knocking on my door I refused entry and sent her away. She never returned and I never heard anything from anyone about not seeing her.