AIBU to shop not adopt?

[BeSpoonyAquaHare]

My husband and I would like to have a dog. Initially we considered adopting - we’re both mindful of the large number of dogs needing homes and issues with puppy farming.

We have been looking for 8 months and haven’t found a suitable shelter dog. The overwhelming majority aren’t suitable for homes with other pets or children (we have a small child, cats, chickens, rabbits, Guinea fowl and Guinea pigs). Several are breeds or crossbreeds we aren’t considering because they aren’t suitable for our family. One shelter turned us down for any adoptions because there is one day of the week where we both work outside the home and our plan to use a dog daycare service on that day wasn’t acceptable.

We have now given up our quest for the unicorn rescue dog and are purchasing a Labrador puppy from a breeder. We know the breeder well due to a social connection. They own both the bitch and the dog, and we have met them both. This is the second litter from their bitch and they aren’t planning any more. The puppies have been through veterinary checks (including hip dysplasia etc) and have had their first jabs. We’re getting ours at 12 weeks.

And yet despite having done this in a pretty responsible way, the GRIEF we are getting from my husband’s sister for not adopting is unreal. She does have a rescue dog and tbh it’s a bloody nightmare and has to be muzzled when out and about because it’s so reactive. She has done wonders with it and I really admire her dedication but the dog is a walking PR crisis for adoptions. She has texted my husband multiple times and posted on Facebook about it. She also has her parents now sending us links to dogs on adoption sites to consider, like we didn’t spend months ourselves looking for a suitable one without success.

I totally understand the ideology of adopt don’t shop, but AIBU to think there’s actually nothing wrong with buying a healthy dog from a reputable breeder if adoption doesn’t fit your particular circumstances?

No I don't think so, and I say that as someone with three rescues! Rescuing is a great thing to do but it doesn't suit everyone, and the shelters do have very strict rules around adopting (for good reason, but they can unfortunately also exclude people who'd be amazing dog owners!).

You sound like you've done your research and are going with a responsible breeder, and it'll be easier to train a puppy to be safe around all your other critters (and children) than an older dog. Ignore SIL, enjoy your pup.

We were the same OP. Our lovely lab is our first dog and we were total novices. Had little idea about dogs and were not equipped to handle a dog with potential health or behavioral issues. And he was hard work enough! I take my hat off to those who adopt. Ignore the grief and enjoy your lovely puppy.

I don’t care if you shop or adopt but you should stop saying/believing that shelter puppies (from shelter litters) are more likely to have health or behavioral issues. You’re just as likely to face one of those with your pure-bred dog.

I would have been willing to consider a shelter puppy (depending on the breed) if I’d seen any, but none came up. I was in touch with four separate rescues and the overwhelming majority of the dogs were adult greyhounds, terriers or pitties. I didn’t see any pups the whole time I was looking.

YANBU I have a rescue and we love her but she's very reactive and wouldn't suit your household at all.

With a small child in the mix I wouldn't get a rescue dog either. Indeed, our first dog was a bought puppy for just that reason and he was wonderful and gentle and the perfect dog to have around small children. You have a much better chance of your dog being good if it has had the right start in life. Just make sure you learn about how to manage a puppy before you get it and be aware that it is bloody hard work to get it right. So worth it in the end though.

Look for local adoption or shelters. The national ones like Dogs Trust and Blue Cross I found are a nightmare to adopt from. We now help a local charity and foster dogs, they are often looking for homes with other dogs etc. if you're in the East Midlands area look for Yappy Ever After, they mainly rehome labs so could be your unicorn

The puppies have been through veterinary checks (including hip dysplasia etc) and have had their first jabs. We’re getting ours at 12 weeks.

I'm not coming from an 'adopt don't shop' angle, but from a veterinary one. It's not the puppies that need to be checked for hip dysplasia, it's the parents. You can check hip laxity in an 8 week old puppy but it's not possible to say anything definitive regarding HD at that age. The parents should both have been BVA hip scored (with results below the breed average) and BVA eye tested (with clear results) as an absolute minimum. Ideally I'd want the relevant DNA tests as well - I've attached a screenshot of recommended DNA tests for Labradors (I'd want CNM, EIC and PRA as the basics). Owning both parents of a litter isn't generally the ideal, it's often more a convenience thing.

Thank you! That’s really useful information. I’ll reread the email they sent me about vet checks properly, I’ve only skimmed it so far.

Why are you not getting the pup until 12 weeks as that is not usual and it’s also a bit odd that they own both the parents - screams byb to me .

I’ve had one rescue dog and one pure bred. The first was simply because it was cheaper. And before it was cool to call them rescue dogs. She was just (as was then described) a cross breed from the local cat and dog home. We got her as a young pup (GermanShepherd / Collie / whatever mix) and she was an absolute delight. Very intelligent, easily trained and coped well with having young human siblings. She used to herd them on walks so they didn’t spread out too far!😄
I’d always wanted a retriever so that was the next dog, a few years after the (by then) elderly rescue died. He was also a total joy and I am so glad we got him. Both dogs were amazing in their own way.
I now get irritated by the self righteousness of some people who not only brag about their rescue dog (can become virtue signalling) but expect extra brownie points for rescuing one from abroad. If you’re going down the rescue route there are plenty in this country who need a new home first!
Enjoy your dog and ignore the opinionated!

I don't think you're unreasonable at all, families with children aren't suitable for rescue dogs. It's neither fair nor safe for anyone, including the dog. I also think a rescue is a far bigger commitment than a puppy & this trendy virtue signalling of 'oh it's a rescue, everyone should rescue' etc is bloody stupid.

I've met loads of rescues (I'm a habitual 'does your dog like humans? They do? CAN I TOUCH THEM PLEASE OMG') & the vast majority of rescues I've met have problems of some sort, it's heartbreaking. The time & dedication these owners have to put in is nothing like all the cutesy videos on social media 'ooo we found this dog in a skip & just two days later it's sleeping with our toddler aren't we wonderful' is just BS & really gives the wrong impression. Often these dogs have been adopted multiple times :(

All this said!! I'd not buy a puppy from someone who's bred from the same dog twice or more having seen my own dog go through pregnancy. She's spayed now but I'd never put her through it again, the only reason is to make money & that's, imo, the wrong reason.

Yanbu the vast majority of rescue dogs are totally unsuitable for your kind of household.

So long as you put lots of effort into properly training and socialising your new dog, you are being very responsible. Adopting a rescue into an unsuitable environment is a cruel thing to do.

Reputable breeders don't usually own both the dam and the side. That would be a red flag for me.

The puppies won't have been tested for hip dysplasia. You should have been told the parents' hip scores and shown the certification. Have you had this? Eye scores?

12 weeks is another red flag. Puppies leave at 8 weeks. Adding another month onto that is asking for trouble when it comes to training.

Have they explained that you'll have to sign a contract? Do they have a return to breeder clause? Are the puppies endorsed?

Are the dam and sire KC registered and do they have proven show success? Does the breeder have a KC affix? Are they on the KC breeder list for the breed?

If the answer to any of these questions is no, they are not a reputable breeder.

I pushed the wrong button! Not unreasonable. I know a few people who have terrible rescue animals that were not enjoyable to own at all and they didn't give them back because they felt bad. My parents' one absolutely destroyed their house and it just wasn't a loveable dog. A friend had a practically feral cat that terrorized them. It's made me pretty wary of rescues. ( To balance it out a little I will add I know someone with beautiful rescue greyhounds.)

I'd get a puppy and put the time and effort into raising it properly from the start so you can really enjoy it.

We’re getting the pup at 12 weeks rather than 8 because of our time commitments rather than theirs - they kindly agreed to keep him for us for longer because we have a 2 week holiday booked and then we’re having a repair job done on our house and I thought that would be stressful with a puppy.

I didn’t realise it was a red flag to own both sire and dam - can anyone explain why? I can look into it more. I did think it was unusual but because I know them and the dogs I didn’t think much of it.

My parents have had a couple of rescue greyhounds and they’re the loveliest dogs. I would have been very tempted by unfortunately all of the ones we looked into weren’t safe with cats. I suppose ex racers are trained to really embrace their prey drive! I do think they’re beautiful, lovely dogs though.

I looked to adopt a rescue dog. DD had finally passed the age of 10 which meant we were able to get one. The fences were high enough and all that jazz.
The rescue place then said they would not place a rescue dog into a home with another dog over the age of 10, they want them to enjoy peace in their old age.
At that point I gave up and got a puppy.
I could have given a dog a good home!

Should add - yes, sire and dam both KC registered but they don’t show the dogs. There is a contract and it includes a clause that if we don’t keep him he has to return to them. There is an endorsement clause.

i have re-read the email re dysplasia and it does say test results will be provided for sire and dam re hip, elbow and eye scores, I had misread that and thought it was for puppies.

I’ll speak to them re the 12 weeks and training. They were happy to keep him longer for us but I’ll get their input on whether that will cause us difficulties.

It’s really tough - there are so many restrictions and I absolutely understand why they’re cautious but they definitely exclude good homes sometimes!

@Floralnomad what is BYB? All I can think of is ‘bang your brother’

Back yard breeder

Bang your brother 🤣

it means ‘back yard breeder’, i.e. someone who breeds puppies for profit without fulfilling responsible requirements like confirming the health and conformation of the parents, promoting good bloodlines and characteristics etc.

I shopped not rescued but I've got a severely autistic son so I needed to make sure he was safe.
I needed a puppy that would grow up and not be startled by his unpredictable noises or his sudden movements.
He sometimes makes strangers jump when he does this and so I couldn't trust that even the most gentle dog wouldn't be afraid or startled 🤷‍♀️.
Our pup has been amazing around him and I'd do it again without hesitation.

We have always rescued cats, but during the last lockdown when I lost my last cat (with one still here), not one rescue returned our constant calls and emails.

Now I was reading the little local magazine that came through the door last night for our area and theres an advert in it for the local cat rescue. 2 lovely older cats, I prefer older cats, are sitting there but guess what, they cant go to homes where there are already pets or children. We have our cat of course.

So theres no hope of adopting most of the time. So many restrictions in place.

Also I know that from the RSPCA they want to see the last vaccinations of your current pet but we dont get ours vaccinated.

We have a wonderful rescue Lurcher ( who would be totally unsuitable for you, OP with other pets) but just saying, for those with no other pets around, they are absolutely lovely dogs and very easy to deal with, in general, we've found.