AIBU to shop not adopt?

[BeSpoonyAquaHare]

My husband and I would like to have a dog. Initially we considered adopting - we’re both mindful of the large number of dogs needing homes and issues with puppy farming.

We have been looking for 8 months and haven’t found a suitable shelter dog. The overwhelming majority aren’t suitable for homes with other pets or children (we have a small child, cats, chickens, rabbits, Guinea fowl and Guinea pigs). Several are breeds or crossbreeds we aren’t considering because they aren’t suitable for our family. One shelter turned us down for any adoptions because there is one day of the week where we both work outside the home and our plan to use a dog daycare service on that day wasn’t acceptable.

We have now given up our quest for the unicorn rescue dog and are purchasing a Labrador puppy from a breeder. We know the breeder well due to a social connection. They own both the bitch and the dog, and we have met them both. This is the second litter from their bitch and they aren’t planning any more. The puppies have been through veterinary checks (including hip dysplasia etc) and have had their first jabs. We’re getting ours at 12 weeks.

And yet despite having done this in a pretty responsible way, the GRIEF we are getting from my husband’s sister for not adopting is unreal. She does have a rescue dog and tbh it’s a bloody nightmare and has to be muzzled when out and about because it’s so reactive. She has done wonders with it and I really admire her dedication but the dog is a walking PR crisis for adoptions. She has texted my husband multiple times and posted on Facebook about it. She also has her parents now sending us links to dogs on adoption sites to consider, like we didn’t spend months ourselves looking for a suitable one without success.

I totally understand the ideology of adopt don’t shop, but AIBU to think there’s actually nothing wrong with buying a healthy dog from a reputable breeder if adoption doesn’t fit your particular circumstances?

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable but some of these comments are wild. “Puppies will end up in shelters anyway so you may as well buy them” is a damning indictment of breeders not a green flag for buying puppies. I have a rescue dog - I wanted a rescue dog and I worked really hard to find her. She has zero behavioural problems and is an absolute sweetheart. It was really hard dealing with all the rescues tbh - some of them are lovely and some are incredibly awkward / rude / flaky. Our problem was we already had a cat. I appreciate that a lot of rescues don’t know how their dogs will deal with cats so they won’t risk rehoming in homes with cats. Only one rescue volunteered to “test” their dogs with cats that we found. I did come across several litters of puppies in rescues though so I don’t agree that it’s only older dogs that are available. Even Dogs Trust ( who have been otherwise useless for our needs) have puppies coming through.

Tel the SIL to STFU!!
you’ve explored adopting and it’s not worked out. Not only can you not find the breed you want but they’ve also said no!
Having a puppy is hard work but it’s brilliant for children to experience it and puppies hopefully have no trauma and if you socialise them properly you’ll have a lovely dog with no issues.
Too many rescue dogs have issues with other dogs etc…
I was 8 when we got our Labrador puppy… I’ll never forget picking our dog up as a kid.. he was gorgeous.. my parents were very strict with him and he was a very good boy! I loved him so much! My daughter picked out her own Puppy When she was 5, she’s 14 this year and they’re still as thick as thieves…
It’s an amazing thing to adopt but the restrictions they put in place make it impossible for most of us….
Have kids - nope
have other pets - nope
work - nope
retired - nope (you’re too old!)

it’s ridiculous! …. We typed in that we had other pets and a child and it came back with one suitable dog and it had already been reserved… and that’s without them scrutinising our working lives!

I have a rescue, and she's an amazing dog, who turned out to be a fantastic family dog when we had DD. But, even when we didn't have a child or any other animals, Dogs Trust turned us down for both working, even though I was 2 minutes down the road and came home for lunch anyway.

The hoops we had to jump through to get our current dog were unreal. And now we have a child to add to the mix, plus some other animals, it'll be even harder.

We talked about the "next dog" a few times and depending on how old our child is when we're at that stage, we may well go with buying a puppy for all the reasons listed above, and for other reasons.

Adopting is always the ideal way, but it has to suit everyone. Adopting just any dog because you can doesn't make you the right home for the dog, which also needs to be a big consideration.

You sound like you've looked at everything you need to and landed on what's right for everyone. SIL can sod off.

We have acres of land both WFH and teenagers and also can't adopt. Because our fencing isn't high enough?

I really can't afford 6ft height dear fencing over 3 acres for a small breed. 🤣 who can't even jump the 4ft fencing we already have.

The rules really only suit very few people, I would tell your sister in law to shut up and mind her own business.

Have had dogs since I was a kid
Mostly collies, DH had a cute feisty cross breed and a toy Phalene. We always had 2 dogs,3 at one point. I had rescues from the RSPCA and Blue cross. Both very aggressive and severe behaviour issues. First kept and worked hard on for 2 years,he bit several people. Adopted one privately (young guy diagnosed with ms) we had had our other one from a puppy. She was lovely
Fast forward.lost the Phalene last year almost 18. Did 100 mile radius of Home, for rescuing. We're retired,200ft garden well fenced,on the outskirts of a village,farm land just 2. roads away. Ended up covering the whole of England Ireland Scotland and Wales. Fence not tall enough, not rural, garden not big enough. No visiting children, youngest DGD is almost 2
No other animals,we had a 7 year old border collie. Reactive to people, dogs,cars,bikes,must be walked alone,no other dogs around. We had our Phalene at 11 weeks, but the collies were 8. We ended up with a puppy BC, from a farm where we used to live. The mother had lost interest, they said were weaned,so we got her at 7 weeks. Asked lots of people on walks why they got rescues from abroad, this was the reason. The village we lived before,we had dog 15, mine had died,cats,rats, rabbit chicken. Quarter acre garden backing onto fields. RSPCA inspector wrote "medium size garden"told her she was insane and 50 feet was a medium size garden. They said we had to have a dog as we already had a bitch. We ended up buying a puppy,then 6 months later a free puppy,mum caught out in first season...
Both from farms,both females.

It's fine to own the parents, people get their knickers in a twist as your pups are coming from family who are most likely non registered breeders.

The fact you know them is lovely.

And having a pup at 12 weeks is perfect, 8 weeks is a tad early anyhow.

I'm not too concerned about the 12 week pick up stage, the puppy should be fine. If you are localish, you could go and visit and have individual bonding time before and after you go on holiday which will help. Once you pick up the puppy, you can take them out carrying them before the 2nd jab which will help with socialising. Rescues are strict on rehoming and sometimes even with the best intentions in the world, they don't suit everyone.

I bet she’s just using it as a stick to beat you. If it wasn’t this would it be something else? Also been looking for a rescue dog. We live near sheep have young children, other pets and chickens and it’s pretty impossible I agree. It would need to be a rescue pup - and they are like gold dust.

You are doing the right thing OP, not all of us are suited to adopting a rescue dog with an unknown history. It's important to get a dog whose temperament suits your lifestyle. I have anxiety so I just wouldn't be able to cope with a high energy breed or a yapper and we have elderly cats so we need a dog that doesn't have a strong prey drive. You know what you need from your family pet, don't let anyone dictate to you.

I've been through the same thing this year. Unfortunately, buying a purebred puppy seems to open you up to abuse. I no longer speak to some members of my family because after we got our pup they sent me an "adopt, don't shop" email. Total hypocrisy; after they'd met her twice and told us she is beautiful and perfect they suddenly started being nasty about her. They know I've had the same breed for 47 years, they know it's my passion but they still have to voice their disapproval because they think that adopting unwanted animals makes you a superior person. It's like reverse snobbery...

BTW, one of our girls was almost 12 weeks old when she came to us; no issues whatsoever, she settled in just as well as her older half-sister who had come to us at 7 weeks, in fact at 11.5 weeks when we got her she was pretty much housetrained already. 12 weeks is fine to get your pup.

Enjoy your puppy and ignore the naysayers.

YANBU.
My husband has never been a dog lover and always been a bit nervous but he agreed we could have a dog. We carefully looked into suitable breeds and decided buying a puppy would be better for us.

People harp on about adoption being the best way but when you have young children, a lot won’t let you adopt anyway. I wanted a dog whose history I knew and you can’t always get the right breed for you when you adopt.

Ignore and do what’s best for you and your family as ultimately, it’s you who has to live with the dog.

No idea why people saying 12 weeks is bad… letting puppies go at 8 weeks is the bare minimum!…. Stating with parents till 12 weeks as long as their exposure to things is ensured is a good thing! Mum and dad will teach them not to mouth etc…
i also can’t see the issue with owning both mum and dad… as long as it’s a good loving home they’re in!…. And the fact you know them - even better!!

You are not unreasonable. We looked for months to rescue, but as we had a small child, we couldn't.

Ensuring you so your checks for a responsible owner/breeder - and enjoy your puppy.

I actually did both at the same time. Researched extensively for a breed to replace my dear staffy. Found a breeder 4 years before he passed and kept in touch over that time. Let her know I'd consider a puppy in about 9 months time, which worked in well with a litter she had planned. She kept him till 10 weeks as I took 3 months off work to give him an excellent start to life.

Whilst I was waiting for the puppy, I was talking in the kitchen to someone at work and they asked me if I wanted a second dog. I'd been trying to get a retired breeding dog of the same breed as my pup, but was getting nowhere, so asked what he had. Size wise it was comparable with my pup, so yep, I'll take her. Sweet dog but came with problems, me being her fourth home before she turned 3yo. She's with me for life, but wouldn't have had these issues if she'd been with me from a pup.

I don't think you are being unreasonable there are a lot of barriers to adopting. I was very lucky with my pup - I popped an application in one evening randomly to local RSPCA branch (and myself and my husband both said there will hundreds of applications for pups) - they phoned me the next day saying they had some puppies and to come and view one that morning when they opened - they'd already picked one out for the litter for us - 7 weeks old.

I brought her home the following week as soon as she turned 8 weeks. Everyone who I tell this tale to is pretty shocked as they had searched local rescues for ages trying to get a puppy (and I specifically wanted a pup as I have children and cats).

I work from home 100% so I'm pretty sure that swung it for me.

This frankly just isn’t the case. The dogs that end up in shelters are very likely to be the product of puppy farms or indiscriminate breeding, with all the associated health issues. Seeking out a responsibly bred puppy whose parents have all the relevant health checks is always going to be a safer bet.

I think people should adopt where possible but every rescue dog I've ever seen advertised says they can't live with young children. It's definitely limiting.

or too old!
or a variety of reasons as per this thread

Whilst I applaud the idea of rescue dogs I have seen first hand how tricky (and very dangerous) they can sometimes be so I admire your caution.

send out a group message telling everyone to it's too late to send rescue links. XXX is your puppy now and you are looking forward to introducing him to the family.

I agree. We adopt older rescue dogs (lost our most recent one in June this year - we're still in floods of tears on daily basis) but totally accept that the strict criteria alone will prevent many families from doing so. My brother went for a puppy (miniature Schnauzer- he's just fabulous) from a reputable breeder because one of his daughters was terrified of dogs and he knew getting a puppy was the way to de-sensitise her. She adores the now 4 year old dog.

As others have said, rescues are so strict because they don't want dogs being returned - this is not good for the dog and can result in them becoming even less desirable to future adopters.

The rescues we support are, I might add, increasingly taking in pure breed and designer cross breed dogs of quote young ages - pairs of bulldogs, Frenchies, Westies, etc. at the moment. That's probably people buying cute puppies on a whim and then- having not researched training and care properly (as well as expense), shoving them out.

how does the TV Show the Dog House get away with it?

Sigh. KC registered means nothing. I could get KC registration for my three dogs, doesn’t mean I’d be a good or responsible breeder.

Trust your gut. If the sire and bitch are happy, healthy and well balanced then that’s good. If the dogs have any behavioural issues then swerve.

TBH I think recusing when you have a young child (and as a first dog) is bloody irresponsible (given how many shelters omit key details about dodgy behaviour), so puppies are better. But I would flag lab puppies are a handful and mouthy - they’ll teeth all over your children and there will be tears. You need to be prepared for that!

Some people need to shop otherwise their wouldn't be enough stock for those who want to adopt. People get so sanctimonious about dogs in the way they don't with other animals. Next time just ask if their Sunday roast was a rescue or straight from the farm.

The RSPCA are IMO one of the worst rescues in the UK. They routinely don’t vet potential owners properly, they routinely withhold key information about dogs behaviour and bite history. They pay their CEO an extortionate salary and feed their dogs the cheapest food they can.

Twice in the last year people have died from being killed by dogs they re-homed via the RSPCA after the RSPCA lied about dogs behaviour. One was a XL Bully with a bite history - which they claimed it didn’t have.

Absolutely YANBU! I hate people who get all high and mighty about adopting. I think adopting is brilliant and there are so many dogs desperate for a home, however, considering this, it’s also near impossible!! We also tried for so long to adopt a dog once we’d finally got our own house and were fully settled (we’d wanted one for years but living in flats it wasn’t suitable) and absolutely nowhere would allow us to adopt due to our jobs etc. It felt like we were made out to be dreadful unsuitable people, so we got our dog from a reputable breeder as you have and without blowing our own trumpet, our dog is the most spoiled, well trained, well looked after dog. Everyone raves about how well we do with him and the time and attention we put in - yet not one single rescue desperate for people to adopt would let us because we were unsuitable 🤷🏼‍♀️
I understand they need to know dogs are homed well but I really feel rescues make it so hard to adopt, it’s no wonder so many dogs remain in shelters it’s so sad!

People are wo judgmental! Tell her she makes her own choices and you make yours and you really don't need any input from her. "Enough with the comments X, it's getting tedious now."