AIBU to shop not adopt?

[BeSpoonyAquaHare]

My husband and I would like to have a dog. Initially we considered adopting - we’re both mindful of the large number of dogs needing homes and issues with puppy farming.

We have been looking for 8 months and haven’t found a suitable shelter dog. The overwhelming majority aren’t suitable for homes with other pets or children (we have a small child, cats, chickens, rabbits, Guinea fowl and Guinea pigs). Several are breeds or crossbreeds we aren’t considering because they aren’t suitable for our family. One shelter turned us down for any adoptions because there is one day of the week where we both work outside the home and our plan to use a dog daycare service on that day wasn’t acceptable.

We have now given up our quest for the unicorn rescue dog and are purchasing a Labrador puppy from a breeder. We know the breeder well due to a social connection. They own both the bitch and the dog, and we have met them both. This is the second litter from their bitch and they aren’t planning any more. The puppies have been through veterinary checks (including hip dysplasia etc) and have had their first jabs. We’re getting ours at 12 weeks.

And yet despite having done this in a pretty responsible way, the GRIEF we are getting from my husband’s sister for not adopting is unreal. She does have a rescue dog and tbh it’s a bloody nightmare and has to be muzzled when out and about because it’s so reactive. She has done wonders with it and I really admire her dedication but the dog is a walking PR crisis for adoptions. She has texted my husband multiple times and posted on Facebook about it. She also has her parents now sending us links to dogs on adoption sites to consider, like we didn’t spend months ourselves looking for a suitable one without success.

I totally understand the ideology of adopt don’t shop, but AIBU to think there’s actually nothing wrong with buying a healthy dog from a reputable breeder if adoption doesn’t fit your particular circumstances?

I'm a dog boarder, I've fostered hundreds and have had many rescues. I don't think there's a wrong or right when it comes to everyone, it's individual!

In your situation I see two choices:

1. cat-friendly greyhound (they do exist)
2. puppy

I'd always go for an adult dog to avoid the puppy years, personally, puppies are such hard work. And greys are fabulous pets.

We picked up our puppy at 12 weeks or so because we'd had a big, unalterable trip booked for ages before the pup was even born (he was an accident but with good genes). He was fine at 12 weeks. I might be mis remembering but didn't it used to be the norm?

If more people bought dogs suitable for their needs, instead of picking for looks, fashion, or because they want ‘non shedding’ to fit in with their insta homes then maybe less dogs would be in rescue in the first place.

I work alongside rescue and see so many dogs living unfulfilled in unsuitable homes because people didn’t do their research. For example buying high energy working breeds with young families and busy work schedules or breeds that may look cute but are plagued with health problems they can’t afford.

The rescues are strict because people return dogs like disposable items the second things get hard. I also would never place an unknown dog with kids, IMO it’s never worth the risk.

I fully support people researching and buying from a breeder for a better fit. I have had rescues all my life but having a dog that suits me is so much easier.

We did this. I think it will be fine.

To answer your question - very unusual for a reputable breeder to own the sire/stud as well as the bitch, usually the male is sourced, after research and tests.

The sire/stud is usually chosen based on particular qualities, not just conveniently 'there'.

It would indicate they likely breed them together several times, a puppy farm type situation.

I did the same with my youngest cat. After six months of being ignored by every rescue within 100 miles (seriously) I bought a kitten. Over a year later I still feel guilty and still feel angry at the rescues who wouldn't let a cat go to a great home.

Next time I will still exhaust adoption options first.

It isn’t necessarily a red flag at all, it’s just that it sometimes is.

It’s rare for the best dog for any given bitch from a genetic and conformational point of view to be the one the owner happens to have, but if the breeder has brought in a dog from a specific line to improve then there isn’t a problem at all.

I used my own dog on one of my own bitches but I imported her and drove all the way to the Alps to get her. The importation was organised to bring in a bloodline that was new and was compatible with my dog.

That mating was only done once, my other litters (very few and I kept most of what I bred) were all to outside studs.

Another thing to remember about rescues is that they are, by definition, bred by the sort of breeders you want to avoid or they wouldn’t be in rescue. I’ve had rehomed dogs myself and I run a small rescue service now, but I would always advocate having a well bred dog from a responsible breeder first.

If we don’t support good breeders who health test, breed for quality and take back dogs if they need help then there soon will only be back yard breeders and puppy farms left.

Edited to say - there is nothing wrong with having a puppy at 12 weeks, 8 weeks is the absolute legal minimum and I wouldn’t let mine go until 9 or 10 weeks.

I shopped because the rescues wouldn’t allow me to adopt. I am 100% wfh, nice house with a garden in a quiet area, owned this particular breed of dog for 35 years - but because I had a 4yo it was just a point blank no.

They said a 4yo can’t live safely with a dog under any circumstances. I said that’s funny because (until the dog died) he’s lived with a dog every day of his life! But they all kept saying the same thing, so I went “Fuck off you can’t tell me I can’t have a dog” and I bought one.

The OP has chickens and rabbits as well. If the greyhound wasn't reactive to these, it would have been pts or rescued as a puppy.
Is it worth the stress for all concerned? That includes the chickens. The dog may fail and have to be sent back.
OP, given your situation a puppy would be better, it depends on your set up. It is going to take involved training. At least with a puppy/young dog if you have to intervene, there is less chance of the dog turning on you.

Agreed.

We have a rescue with mild behavioural issues.
We love her but if i had my time over...

Rescues can be great but they are a hoolpa jmup and a half to get and can come woth big issues/challenges

Just on the 12 weeks thing:
Maybe it's an area thing, but the responsible breed specific breeders in our area all let puppies go at 10 weeks not 8. Our breeder, whose ideas lean slightly more towards a rural/old school side of raising pups in some aspects, won't release earlier than 10 weeks - in a nutshell they think it's better for exposure to new things, getting used to handling, socialisation, training, house training (but this is because they do a lot of things with the puppies before they release them to expose them gently to new things as they consider it part of their job as a breeder)

Not at all. We gave up with rescue cats in the end. While I understand their diligence there was always some issue preventing us from adopting (kids/road/garden), so we now provide a perfectly suitable and loving home for 3 happy shopped cats.

we also got our puppy at 12 weeks and she is a dream! We had a holiday booked before the mother of pups was even pregnant but we had been on the breeders waitlist and we told her upfront once we figured out the due dates. She held on the pup for some extra weeks for us and she is the most lovely good natured thing. I guess she was still learning things from her mum and socialising with her sister who was still there when we collected.

if a pup is with the breeder and breeder’s family they are still being socialised - just not by you!

People seem to skip over the fact that if puppies weren’t bought they’d end up in shelters anyway. Just skip that and buy direct surely. I thought shelters were crammed, why would people want more puppies to end up there?

We had the same. Also same with cats, they have feral kittens and cats here that are rescued and they then want to release them to farms to continue to live a feral but cared for life. My god, the hoops you have to go through and expense too.
We get puppies from other farmers and kittens usually end up on the farm anyways. I wouldn’t use a shelter now.

those who rescue are very proud of the fact
they always tell you, and think they are better than others.

I would love a dog and like you have looked at lots of dogs up for adoption. But I haven't found any that I think I could accommodate and I have had a dog previously so not a complete novice. I think you have absolutely made the right choice.

We were like you. No rescue would let us have a dog as we both work! Got a Labrador puppy in the end and a dog walker, plus I’d run home on my lunch break and could wfh a bit too.

I did few guilty though so we actually got a rescue two years later as I was wfh a lot more and only going in one day a week. My parents then have the dogs when I go in.

and i dont approve of the rescue from abroad.

It seems that you know you've made the very best decision, and that the issue here is the SIL one rather than the 'dog' one. You could show her this thread, if she needs convincing. If it's an issue with more history (is she like that with you about other stuff?) then that's another whole thing. Good luck, OP, and enjoy life with your new Labrador.

We only have rescues but I am a firm believer that people need to do what is right for them and their particular circumstances. I am also a firm believer that it's not for anyone else to guilt trip you.

I would say on repeat ' This is the decision that is best for our circumstances'. Or perhaps 'I don't criticise your choices, so please leave the subject alone now'.

I have two friends who fell out over this exact same issue. One got a labrador puppy and the other one just Would Not Let It Go.

100% this. We tried for three years to adopt a dog. We gave up in the end and didn’t even bother buying a puppy from a breeder as the whole experience was so demoralising.

a friend also had a sister who was obsessed about her having a rescue dog - she tried for years, ended up with a rescue cat, and eventually got a puppy, not a rescue, i am sure her sister has come round.

I can see the pros and cons of both. I have adopted all my pets in the past but have had to work damn hard with my 2 dogs to get them settled and trained. But I had the time to do that and no other pets at the time either. The cats were no problem at all.

I was an “adopt not shop” person when I got my 1st dog, rescued from abroad because I had a 4 year old and couldn’t find any shelters that would let me adopt a dog with a young child. I love the bones of him but he took 12 months to housetrain, was socialised everywhere within the first couple of weeks but is extremely reactive to other people (in his house) and dogs on walks, took a month at least to teach how to walk (he used to just pull back to the house constantly), and despite endless amounts of training and even trying medication is a very anxious dog.

We got a second dog from a breeder a few years later and he is the complete opposite. Loves absolutely everyone and everything, was a breeze to train (although is going through his teenage stage now and forgetting/refusing to do it) and is happy to go anywhere, whereas my other dog gets so stressed out even on day trips to the beach or dog walking spots. I wouldn’t judge anyone for buying a dog now after my first experience, i don’t know what I could have done differently with my first but life in general is a pretty scary experience for him.