AIBU to shop not adopt?

[BeSpoonyAquaHare]

My husband and I would like to have a dog. Initially we considered adopting - we’re both mindful of the large number of dogs needing homes and issues with puppy farming.

We have been looking for 8 months and haven’t found a suitable shelter dog. The overwhelming majority aren’t suitable for homes with other pets or children (we have a small child, cats, chickens, rabbits, Guinea fowl and Guinea pigs). Several are breeds or crossbreeds we aren’t considering because they aren’t suitable for our family. One shelter turned us down for any adoptions because there is one day of the week where we both work outside the home and our plan to use a dog daycare service on that day wasn’t acceptable.

We have now given up our quest for the unicorn rescue dog and are purchasing a Labrador puppy from a breeder. We know the breeder well due to a social connection. They own both the bitch and the dog, and we have met them both. This is the second litter from their bitch and they aren’t planning any more. The puppies have been through veterinary checks (including hip dysplasia etc) and have had their first jabs. We’re getting ours at 12 weeks.

And yet despite having done this in a pretty responsible way, the GRIEF we are getting from my husband’s sister for not adopting is unreal. She does have a rescue dog and tbh it’s a bloody nightmare and has to be muzzled when out and about because it’s so reactive. She has done wonders with it and I really admire her dedication but the dog is a walking PR crisis for adoptions. She has texted my husband multiple times and posted on Facebook about it. She also has her parents now sending us links to dogs on adoption sites to consider, like we didn’t spend months ourselves looking for a suitable one without success.

I totally understand the ideology of adopt don’t shop, but AIBU to think there’s actually nothing wrong with buying a healthy dog from a reputable breeder if adoption doesn’t fit your particular circumstances?

Definitely not being unreasonable. We also looked at adoption and then went with a reputable breeder and it was the right decision for us at that time. The breeder is amazing – we send update pictures on our pup's birthday every year and when she was unwell, they sent a get well gift! We would probably look at adoption again (through a breed-specific rescue) if we got a second dog (which we are considering) as our circumstances have changed and this could now be a viable option. You just need to do what is right for you / your family, and do it in a responsible way (ie. no backyard breeders, make sure all health checks are done, don't buy from online ads/FB groups etc) Enjoy your new pup!

I just came on to say that, however you go about acquiring your dog - rescue centre, reputable breeder, etc, and whatever breed you go for, dogs are individuals just like people and there are simply no guarantees.

My husband's best friend owns our dog's litter mate. Both acquired at 16 weeks from the breeder (both had been purchased then returned - long story), both raised in a very similar way (they accompany their owners in their day-to-day work, and get lots of outdoors exercise etc, both men are responsible owners who have had lots of dogs of various breeds before etc) and you would struggle to find two dogs more different in temperament - ours is gentle, kind, somewhat lazy, and our friend's is a much more fun, flighty, and somewhat naughty dog. Both lovely and loved, but very very different.

My family member, now she is on her own, decided on a Labrador puppy from a reputable breeder this time, having had rescues who were "challenging" breeds before. She knows loads about dogs - used to work with them in fact. This Labrador is ruining her life! It's destructive, can't be walked off the lead with any degree of confidence, boisterous, I hate to say it but really quite hard to like! (And I have always loved all dogs.....)

Whatever dog you go for, it will have its own personality and it's own ways, and you have to be ready for that, if that makes sense?

Which is not to say you can't minimise the risk by choosing a breed whose temperament characteristics tend to match what you want. And you have to put the safety of your kids and your other pets first, so yes of course you are right to make what seems to be the most sensible choice for your family at the time.

Just go into it knowing that there are no guarantees. Not all labs are fun loving family favourites. Of course, good training helps massively, and it sounds like you are putting a lot of thought into how you will raise the dog, which is great.

But even so, there are no guarantees - just like having a child! You never know what you'll get - you have to be ready for anything.....

Definitely not doing the wrong thing. I have a rescue - he's an amazing dog and I feel so lucky he ended up in my life. At some point in the next year I'll be getting another dog, who will likely be a puppy as I'm getting another dog as a pet but also to compete in a specific sport. I've already found a breeder and am on a waiting list, I know this puppy is well bred and I know I'll give it a suitable loving home where it's needs are met. I also know that the breeder has a clause in the contract where if it doesn't work out with any dogs they breed, they take them back.
Imo it isn't a case of adopt don't shop - it's a case of if you are buying a puppy please do your research, make sure you are prepared for the dog you are taking on and don't support byb. I wouldn't judge someone for having to re-home a dog - sometimes it's the best thing for the dog. However it breaks my heart when you look on pets4homes and there are loads of dogs being rehomed because of people moving house or expecting a baby.

We tried for nearly a year to adopt a dog, and it was a heartbreaking experience to see the dog of your dreams and then have the shelter seem you not fit to be the owner, or that someone else would be better than you.

We weren’t prepared to wait any longer, as we’d lived in flats for years before this and were not allowed a dog. We wanted dogs, and also for our children to grow up and be socialised with them, and learn how to take care for them.

I made so many applications, and tried national and local dog’s homes to no avail.

The issues for us were:

1 child under 5, and the other 10.
Have a cat at home
Live on a semi busy road.
We both work outside the home (like most people used to pre-covid). It seems their expectations have really changed, and that they only want people who work from home, or those who are retired.

We now have the dogs of our dreams that we bought from responsible breeders. I felt incredibly guilty though, as all my dogs growing up were rescues and I was desperate to be able to do the same.

What I fail to understand is that adopting a dog from Romania is so much easier (we had considered it). Someone in my family has one who couldn’t get a rescue dog from the UK, and also a friend has one from there too. They both have similar circumstances to us, and their dogs are brilliant, and lovely with their children.

Nearly every dog I see on the Romanian sites can live with children or cats for example, whereas when you look at UK sites, apparently hardly any can live with them. I think the UK shelters are far too over cautious, and have unrealistic expectations - not everyone works from home!

I was a KC accredited breeder... I was 23 and had no idea what I was doing and bred a pug who was not breeding material but a pet because I thought it would be cute.

I just paid the fee. Never spoke to anyone at the KC.

It's not all it's cracked upto be having that accolade.

YANBU to buy, but YABU to buy a puppy without checking out the parents’ health first. “Scores will be provided” is hardly reassuring, is it?

Agree that owning the stud and bitch sounds like a mating for profit, unless the breeder has a solid explanation. Big red flag.

I agree shelters can be too cautious. We were rejected once for a cat because we lived on a road. Not a busy road. Or a bus route. A small private unadopted road.

same shelter accepted us last year though for a cat who they said could not live with dogs or children- (we have both) but she was 18, in really bad health due to her age and had been returned to them twice already because she is very bitey and quite vicious. She and my older DS who was 12 at the time we got her are inseperable and his total adoration of her has turned her into a loving, purry, cuddly little overlord.

She is allowed an opinion . You are allowed to take no notice of that opinion. Remember the handy quote " Opinions are like arseholes,everyone's got one. You should keep both to yourself".

Totally agree OP, we wanted another dog and were desperate to rescue one rather than buy one because I appreciate there are far too many poor dogs stuck in these shelters with no home. We’re experienced dog owners, we both have full time jobs and work from home 3 days a week, the 2 days we are both in the office our current dog is with a dog walker, we weren’t fussy at all about age or breed, but couldn’t even pass the shelters checks to go have a look at the dogs because we already have a dog, we have a young child, and we’re not home 24/7!

It seems at least for our shelters that to rescue you need to have no pets, no kids, not work full time because you need to be at home all the time but you also can’t be unemployed because then you can’t afford the upkeep of a dog, they really do make it impossible sometimes.

Rescues are not necessarily bred by poor breeders! If they are rescued as puppies from the breeder, then sure. But if they are rescued as older dogs, e.g. where the owner has died, then you have no idea how good the breeder was.

It was pretty easy for us to adopt a dog from our local rescue despite having kids (older kids though) and not having owned a dog before. We do have a fenced garden, DH wfh and we don't have other pets. He wasn't quite a puppy but was around 6-9 months old. We enquired, were home checked and visited 3 or 4 suitable dogs (collie cross, staffie cross, terrier) within a few weeks.

The downsides are that as he wasn't listed as a particular breed we really did not know what to expect even down to that he turned out rather bigger than we'd thought. He is not as obedient and trainable as your average lab or goldie, doesn't have great recall and he is reactive to certain triggers (not other dogs or people but loud traffic) so he will never be a town/ pub kind of dog. However he isn't more difficult than a lot of dogs that people have bought and owned from a puppy. He has no separation anxiety, was easy to toilet train and is pretty chill at home once he got past adolescence.

I think the most important thing is not to take on a dog that you will end up not being able to manage and will end up giving up whether that's through adoption or shopping. To go in with your eyes open and see it as a lifelong commitment

I know it won't be right for everyone but I do think that more people should seriously consider adopting pets as we really do not need to be encouraging more dog breeding in this country.

I am not a cat person but I 100% can't understand anyone buying an expensive kitten over a rescue cat. That really does seem silly.

When you do see pure-bred dogs in rescue, it's rare to see one that looks well bred.

I've had 2 rescues and 2 bought puppies.The rescues were amazing but harder work tbh.
All you can do is what's best for your lifestyle and family.

Just to add.
Puppies are wankers but one you get through the toilet training it's worth it.

I'm going to speak in defense of the seemingly ridiculous rules rescues have, and this is from someone who has bought a puppy, having failed to find a suitable rescue) and also rescued multiple times (even from abroad).

Rescues are DESPERATE to not have a dog returned to them, for lots of reasons but mostly because it is a terrible and damaging thing for the dog to be passed from pillar to post. they know full well the factors that contribute to an adoption breaking down, they know full well that their dogs need dedicated, knowledgeable people who can be prudent about the challenges that will, inevitably, be faced in the first months (sometimes years) and that is why they have their rules.

many many years ago we adopted a rescue, our kids were dog savvy 5 ish and 7 ish. we were experienced owners. it was hard, really really hard, to divide my precious time between the children and the dog, he was a chewer, the kids toys and shoes got destroyed (easy to say keep them out the way, harder to actually do with small kids). he was boisterous, the kids were regularly knocked over. he pulled on walks, it was very difficult to walk the kids and him together, but the kids were too small to leave at home while i taught him how to walk nicely and recall successfully. these are just the tip of the iceberg of the challenges of having a (any) dog and children, as anyone who has done both knows. but OBVIOUSLY, a lot of people, would quickly get sick of living this way, and return the dog to the rescue. and that is why they have the rules about children. they know that people's tolerance for poor behavior and ability to dedicate time to training is limited when you have children. and it's much "easier" to hand back a rescue than it is a £2000 cute puppy you've paid for.

Our local FB page is FULL of lost and found dogs, practically every day, low fences and nervous unsettled dogs do not mix. some lost for weeks on end. a few have been killed on the roads,

Introducing a new dog to an existing pet can be a laborious and difficult process, and might never result in an easy, happy relaxed relationship between them, you just don't know, another key reason why adoptions can fail

i could go on but this is long

you have to see their point, frustrating though it is - they are working in the best interests of the dog, and they have seen it all 1000 times before, it is coming from a place of knowledge and experience.

Please ask for hip/elbow scores of the PARENTS if you’re getting a lab. I’d want to see proof of scores. Saying that, environment can be crucial for hip/elbows too: we currently have tons of lengths of carpet down for a dog recovering from surgery on an elbow with an issue that isn’t detectable via x rays.

I’d ignore people demanding that you adopt. It’s a personal decision, I might rescue a scruffy terrier in the future but so far, we’ve sourced puppies and I’ve never seen our breed puppies in rescue.

It doesn't mean nothing. If people are truly buying a puppy responsibly, which means researching the breed thoroughly, looking into the best examples of the breed, meeting breeders and owners, visiting shows to see for themselves which are good examples of the breed and why, etc, then the KC affix allows people to identify dogs and their progeny easily, as well as their breeders and owners. I am well aware that disreputable breeders can KC regs some puppies, but that's not what I mean in this instance.

OP, the reason the breeder owning both the dam and the sire is a red flag, is that it's very unlikely that they would coincidentally own two best examples of the breed to put together. Usually, reputable breeders find the best possible match for their bitch to improve the breed, which means visiting a stud. In some cases, a breeder may import a stud to use on their own bitch, but this doesn't seem to be the case here.

In my opinion, the ONLY reason someone should breed a litter of puppies is if they are working to improve the breed. Anything else is solely to make money, which is wrong. As the breeder you are looking at doesn't show, I'd assume they have no interest in improving the breed, so would have to question what their motives are for breeding a litter of puppies that will not improve the breed.

Yep. Because reputable breeders will take any dog they've ever bred back at any time, regardless of age or circumstance. And make puppy owners sign a contract to say so. Purebred dogs in rescue do not come from reputable breeders.

I had forgotten,my GC other GP had a rescue older puppy, they were lied to about the breed. He was very aggressive, they had always had dogs since childhood. Then they got a private rescue. Told about the breed, but he became the size of a small horse. He wasn't nasty just too difficult to handle,he went back, and they waited for puppies of a specific breed. A friend of mine bought a lab at pedigree price from a pet shop. If I had known beforehand I would have warned her. He came with hip scores etc. had really bad arthritis,in spite of the insurance cost a fortune,hydro and aqua therapy, heavy duty steroids and painkillers,PTS very young. My DH best friend had a shepherd,hip scores pedigree price. His vet told him it was fine to breed from a year old bitch.....my vet disagreed. She was really aggressive,had to be locked away, when visitors came. I certainly wouldn't breed from a dog with that temperament anyway. Her hips also failed very young. When I bought my Phalene I had to drive 200 miles to be vetted by the breeder. We've had 3 dogs live to almost 18,him and the farm bred ones

I may be a bit jaded here but I completely gave up on adopting a shelter cat because of the ridiculous hoops I was expected to jump through.

I had to submit a package of information to them which came to over 45 gig with videos of traffic on every road near my house within a half kilometre radius. I had to show a floor plan of my home. I had to share a plan of my work commitments over a period of weeks. I had to explain in detail what me and my partner do for a living. I had two home visits. I had to complete various psychometric assessments.

After about threee weeks I was told no because I “couldn’t guarantee safe traffic levels”.” That was the third such attempt I had made. The first one turned me down purely on the basis I live in London. They said they couldn’t “in all conscience” give a cat to someone living in a city. WTF?

I now have two lovely cats which I sourced from local advertising and friends.

I honestly feel quite strongly that the intransigence of animal rescues actually plays into the problem with breeders. I completely understand that thorough due diligence is needed but the bar for adoption is so unachievably high that almost no one is considered eligible. It’s so difficult to convince the people who run them that you are good enough for their animals and it puts a lot of loving and responsible pet owners off altogether.

I have two dogs - one rescue, one from a breeder, and I think it's perfectly fine to shop, not adopt, provided it's from a genuinely responsible breeder, who home checks thoroughly, doesn't over breed, has the best interests of their dogs and the breed at heart, and offers lifetime support including taking dogs back if needed.

Yes, we have a huge issue with the amount of dogs needing rehomed in the UK, that needs addressed.

Yes, there are lots of irresponsible breeders out there contributing to it.

The responsible breeders are not the ones causing the problem. My pedigree dog is never going to be bred from, never going to end up in rescue, and neither are his siblings (breeder in lifelong contact). He is never going to contribute to the rescue dog problem.

It's irresponsible breeding and irresponsible ownership that are the problem, and it's unfair to lump those together with responsible breeder and owners just because they want a particular breed or didn't feel a rescue dog was right for them.

I’m a big believer in adopt don’t shop, and do silently judge those who shop (usually). It sounds like you’ve made a real effort to adopt and it hasn’t worked out on this occasion. In my view it’s better to then shop, than to adopt a dog that ends up being given back because it doesn’t fit your family.

Do heed the advice given by PP in what to check for though. A friend had a nightmare with 2 lab puppies from a KC registered show breeder. Dogs turned out to have a congenital issue and had eye watering vet’s bills. Dogs died young. Breeder didn’t want to know.

your relative can shut up though, she’s made her point.

I'd never adopt a dog, and don't care what anyone else thinks about that.

There's no guarantee that a puppy won't have problems, however good your care and training is – but the risk is a lot lower.

I kind of rescued my girl (my friend's dog got accidentally pregnant - she escaped while in heat - and she was part of that litter). I had her since she was 8 weeks and she was an absolute delight, the best girl ever (passed a couple of years ago at age 12).

Since then I've looked into getting another doggo from a rescue but we're not eligible as we're in a flat. My girl was perfectly happy in the flat, there's a park literally next to us and I wfh so plenty of time for walks etc. But it's a no.

I wanted to adopt an older dog or one at risk of being put to sleep, you would have thought living in a flat is preferable to that?! I do think rescue centres could be a bit more open minded. Two of the older dogs I applied for several months ago are still showing as available on the local rescue website. I could have given them a lovely life. So I get you OP, it's frustrating!

Enjoy your pup 😊

No reputable breeder would let two puppies from the same litter go together. One of the biggest red flags of all, and any potential puppy owner would also know that if they'd done their research.